I just found this forum and I can't hold it in anymore!
So the husband and I have been married 10 years. We got married because after two years of dating, he didn't seem like he wanted the relationship to go anywhere fast, while I was tired of waiting for him to propose. So one night, we had a huge fight, and he showed up a couple of hours later with a hastily-bought ring from a cheap jewellery shop and asked me to marry him. I was so relieved that he'd finally asked that it didn't occur to me to question the knee-jerk nature of the proposal.
So here I am, 10 years on, and still resenting the fact that he put zero thought into how he was going to ask me to marry him, and has so far never honoured a single one of his promises to buy me a nicer ring for our anniversary. It seems like such a petty thing, but it's a hallmark of our marriage - he says he'll do something, and then it never happens. It's making me lose all respect for him. He still tells me that "the jeweller is working on your ring", but I've long ceased to hold my breath for it or any other promise that he makes me. I'll believe it when I see it.
I think what makes it worse is the fact that I'm the complete opposite - when I say I'll get something done, it gets done ASAP.
Anybody else out there have the same problem?
Initially it's hard to understand the point of your post because you don't take responsibility for saying yes. I find your proposal and him buying the ring real quick sort of cute and romantic myself.
I think the real issue is not the ring though but it's the big example your mind wanders to every time you get frustrated. So it's not about the big ring, it's about the empty promise of a ring that never arrived.
The thing is, if you never give him a chance, he gets into a pattern of lose/lose. I imagine he loves you but is frustrated that he can't make you happy.
My husband had similar behaviors. It's confusing!
When everything came out as I had gotten to the point of willing to leave him, I learned that a lot of my behaviors were self defeating. I refused to give him a chance to impress me and my husband felt emotionally exhausted and then would do nothing after feeling frustrated that he could never live up to my expectations.
Think about the good qualities your husband has. Are you focusing and magnifying the negative but unwilling to uphold the positive?
I only ask because this was my biggest problem. I was always screaming that it was so unfair but not willing to own my behaviors that upheld our patterns.