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What makes a 40+ man "physically" attractive?

26K views 96 replies 44 participants last post by  treyvion 
#1 ·
Realistically; I'm not talking about wanting to rip his clothes off or what makes your favorite star attractive, but in real life, what makes a 40+ man physically attractive?

What would simply make you take a second look and think, "he's a nice looking man." Is it someone who has taken care of themselves physically? A large percent of men I know 40 and beyond have a gut. What if he was didn't?

What about the way he dresses? I notice that slouchy seems in today. Do you go for that or a little nicer?

I see men and women that I think are just as good looking as movie stars, yet they don't get the same attention. Sean Connery got the sexiest man alive a few years ago, but would he be if he were your plumber instead of a star?
 
#2 ·
- Whatever you do with your hair, admit it if you don't have any. Shave it bald. That is super hot. But do NOT comb over.

- For me, I am sorry if you have the loveliest heart in the world, if you are fat, you are not attractive. Be fit. No body building, just fit.

- SMILE.

That's me.
 
#3 ·
My husband is 45 and he's fat, wears nothing but icky t-shirts and jeans that have seen better days.

He'd be attractive if he'd lose about 30 pounds. That middle age gut isn't appealing. He's got nice clothes from when he lost the weight before (khaki's, polos, nice jeans, t-shirts - but they are all too small now.) If I were dating again I'd pass on the fat guys as I'm thin. I don't care about muscles or washboard abs just don't be fat.

I'm with mom6547 on the hair. I think bald men are incredibly sexy.
 
#5 ·
I realize that looks isn't everything, but is the first thing we notice, so if that isn't appealing, then the rest often doesn't matter.

So, how is age 43, 5'9"; hair without comb-over; 175lbs, slightly bulging chest, no six pack abs, but no flab either. I do enjoy lifting weights, but I'm not going for the huge look. The only celeb reference I ever got was from my niece who once told me I looked like Burt Reynolds from the movie he did with Dolly Parton in the early 80s. :scratchhead:

As for the overweight thing, I would usually agree; however there are exceptions, so it's not all about weight. I work with a woman who is in her 40s, is 5'5", and is probably 200lbs; however, it is difficult to explain, but she carries it differently. It's not flabby, it's more firm, and her face is gorgeous. She has a great personality, and when she wears her hair up, she is even more beautiful.
 
#6 · (Edited)
I realize that looks isn't everything, but is the first thing we notice, so if that isn't appealing, then the rest often doesn't matter.

So, how is age 43, 5'9"; hair without comb-over; 175lbs, slightly bulging chest, no six pack abs, but no flab either. I do enjoy lifting weights, but I'm not going for the huge look. The only celeb reference I ever got was from my niece who once told me I looked like Burt Reynolds from the movie he did with Dolly Parton in the early 80s. :scratchhead:
Burt Reynolds is nasty.

I am such a jerk. I read really fast and say Burt Reynolds and rolly eyes. I have not read other posts. I am sure I am, rightly, getting my butt handed to me on a plate.

For the record, Burt Reynolds is not nasty. His facial hair does nothing for me.

I am so sorry. Ducking head unwilling to read the rest...
 
#9 ·
This is a good question. The qualities which makes an individual “physically” attractive to another differ so widely.

My closest friends tease me because the only guys whom I seem to give a second look to lately have the salt and pepper , usually a close cut, hair style going for them. Way different from my Ex, whom I was with for 13 years. His hair cut took all of 5 minutes, which required only clippers with no guards. He did not have a whole lot of options though, he’d already lost most of his hair by the time he was 35 years old. Kind of weird for me to be so drawn towards guys who actually have hair. LOL!!!

One of the reason they tease me, is because those guys are always older than me and sometimes even more than the 8 years to which my ex-husband was my senior. To top all that off, I’m constantly told I look nowhere near 39 years old. It’s just something about those older guys that gets my attention.

Jeans, gym shorts, t-shirts, tank tops, sweats (but not the old school, cotton kind with the elastic around the ankles) are acceptable casual/weekend wear. However a guy also needs some basic knowledge on etiquette and how to dress up. There is nothing formal about short-sleeve shirts, even if they are button down and have a collar. Please, please, please do not wear a tie with a short-sleeve shirt on a date. Soooo wrong! And yes, it happened. I did cut the guy some slack seeing how he'd worn a uniform for a good portion of 25 years. LOL! Oh …. and no “tighty whities”. Boxers and boxer briefs are way more sexier.

The whole washboard abs are not necessary. Fit and healthy enough to enjoy doing outdoor activities is good. Men have the luxury of being able to hide an extra few pounds of weight so much easier than women do.
 
#10 · (Edited)
Ha! At my age I live mainly on memories. I’m 62, 6ft, 190 lbs and medium size shirts. I really like to fool myself that that woman’s eyes were lingering for at least a nano second, maybe two lol. I find my eyes are around 20 years younger than my age! Damn. Full head of short hair but may just shave it see if it works. Goodness knows what my next woman is going to be like, really trying to keep an open mind.
 
#11 ·
Great Topic!

:smthumbup: I love this topic, because I am a connoisseuse of older men. My husband is almost forty and most people are astonished at how much older he looks than me. I am not even 30 yet.

I would say that a good haircut, great clothes and intelligence make a mature man attractive. Salt and pepper grey is very sexy and bonus if it is in a style appropriate for his age. I like the classic look; think Hugo Boss and Fred Perry. :)

I love an older man who can confidently discuss books, history and current events, as well as be financially stable and independent. Trust fund babies do not inspire respect, neither does a controlling attitude. An older man has to refrain from using his age as a reason to boss me about. I love that my husband values my opinion, instead of playing the age card to suggest I am stupid.

Trying to act young is laughably repulsive. I hate to see older men in convertables with girls young enough to be their daughter. I met a man off of the Net years ago, who totally lied about his age. He was not 35, he was 55. I wanted to throw up when I saw the tan skin and white hair, along with the lime green car with the top down. Ugh! Don't even get me started on the 40+ men with earrings, too much gel and backwards caps.

My husband is 8 years my senior, not 20+ years. He is a calming influence and I bring excitement to his life. :smthumbup:
 
#14 ·
Women are all so very different in their attracting tastes. I have friends who love muscles and shaved heads, I am completely the opposite - I like men really THIN- still got that nice flat stomach going on, no man boobs, and not going bald yet. I LOVE Daughtery & his music, but he would never turn my head. And if they are not going gray yet, another + . (I realize some of this can not be controlled!) Life is not fair, if you go bald & get treatment, it may affect your testosterone levels (& sex drive) , so that would suck also.

I don't mind a T-shirt / blue jeans /work boots type guy at all. So long as he smells good, his clothes are clean when we go out (though a button up shirt is very nice) , he knows how to take a shower, wear some good deoderant & brush his teeth a couple times a day, I am good. :)
 
#15 ·
Well, what works for me is my back hair, chest hair, shaved head and driving around a minivan.
 
#16 ·
Dress right. Wear a jacket and a button down shirt when you go out to eat. Wear a good looking pair of glasses. Get a quality haircut. Loose the weigh. At 6' and 185 I am aiming for losing 20lbs by September. Lose the flip flops and backwards hat. Lose the sports jerseys and wifebeaters. Don't wear gold wraparound NASCAR sunglasses. Lose the beard, especially the goatee/Van ****. Wear a watch, a good one. Get some fitness. Be able to run a mile or two or three. No man bags. If you can't carry it in your pockets smoothly, you don't need it. Carry cash. Wear AT MOST one bracelet. Quit smoking, drink in moderation. Be genteel and civilized to your date. Keep an umbrella in your car. Don't take drugs. Improve your vocabulary. Trim your ear and nose hair.
 
#17 ·
Oh, yeah, the "man purse." I carry around a day planner and that's a chick magnet. . .it has a little pouch on the outside but it's not a man purse.
 
#19 · (Edited)
I'm beginning to think I'm an anomaly, but I'm just not that attracted to men who are conventionally good looking. I am far more interested in intellect. I can be in the presence of two men...one "hot" (in the physical sense) and the other an average-looking (or even goofy-looking) intellectual/nerd, and I'm going to fall all over myself trying to get the attention of the nerd (as long as the nerd's reasonably fit). I actually find it hard to get turned on by men who are good looking but not intellectual. A brilliant mind does it for me every time...it's an honest-to-god aphrodisiac.

I know...I'm an odd bird!
 
#95 ·
Physique
There's hope! I'm 46 years old, 5'6", 162 pounds, losing just enough of my hair for it to be thin on top (recently shaved it all off, and the reaction wasn't too bad at all - may have to do that as my regular haircut). My goal to to reach 145 using this workout (on my way to the gym in about an hour from now).

Attire
When I'm not wearing a short-sleeved golf shirt, I'm wearing one of these with these pants (and shoes).

Books
I strive to read a book per week; topics ranging from mathematics/biology/computing/most-things-tech to philosophy (ranging from the classical Stoics through the debate between Eckhart Tolle vs. Anthony Robbins' "roads to happiness").

Job/Career
Although I don't have a "career" to speak of, I have had the same job for 21 years. The base is about $68,000, and I will hit the magic number of $75,000 this year with OT. As always, I'm bucking for a promotion, this year it may happen - I'm finished with a Javascript app that saves the organization a lot of money, I'm on a project programming the intranet website with ASP.NET, I'm the Webmaster of that same site, the Sharepoint Developer on our Sharepoint site, AND my iPhone app is just about ready for the iTunes App Store.

Where am I on the hotness scale so far?
 
#22 ·
As a guy, I'm surprised that more women don't turn things around regarding their expectations. I know some do, but it surprises me that with men's visual expectations, you'd think we deserve a little turnaround. My wife and I went through pre-marital counseling with a native american, who focused on a committment to mind, body and spirit. Through his guidance, we focused on a committment to taking care of our bodies, our dress, and hygeine. That's why my fat percentage is now less, at 45, than it was then. It was a promise I made to my wife.

On a different note, There are a group of women who have shared offices near mine, who are very vocal about their likes and dislikes. Since they have an open pass to use my conference table in my office for visitors, we chat regularly. Beyond that, I can hear the stories all the time. They even give butt ratings when I buy new slacks, and I think they know I can hear. More than once, a pair is returned to the store. Most are like some of the responses here, like preferring a bald head. Its funny, but I have a very thick head of hair. One of my friends from this group told me, joking, that I was on her fantasy list. Since her husband was bald, although she enjoyed that, she just wanted one time to see what it was like running her hands through a thick head of hair while she ****. I ran away, followed by their laughter. I started avoiding them after that.
 
#23 ·
Southbound...

Have you ever heard the expression, I have egg on my face?
Burt Reynolds is nasty.

I am such a jerk. I read really fast and say Burt Reynolds and rolly eyes. It said to me, in my haste, why would Burt Reynolds be attractive.

I have not read other posts. I am sure I am, rightly, getting my butt handed to me on a plate.


I did not realize I was saying YOU look nasty as someone said YOU look like Burt Reynolds. (All I really dislike about Burt Reynolds is his facial hair at the time.)

My apologies. Re posting here because you won't see my edit up thread.

I am so sorry. Ducking head unwilling to read the rest...
 
#29 ·
I appreciate the apology, but I didn't take it personally. You have always been helpful and i never interpreted any of your comments as mean spirited, so I knew you meant nothing by it. I don't think anyone else trashed you for it, so maybe everyone else thinks he's nasty too. :rofl:
 
#26 ·
I don't have a standard attraction profile but I think for me most important would be attitude. I like confidence and shared interests. I am most attracted to dark hair, dark eyes and prefer a guy who doesn't focus so much on his looks but looks put together. Jeans and a t-shirt is fine with me but if we're going out you need to have a nice button down to throw on. Don't be afraid to flirt either. Flirting does wonders for women!
 
#31 ·
my idea of a physically attractive man is: accomplished career=high self-esteem and i think it shows through their stature and smile, fit (no pot belly), no hairy chest, slim and tall is nice, too. clean, comfortable clothes, smells fresh like he just got out of the shower clean, hair or bald (none of that trump comb-over hair! har har har)
 
#33 ·
my husband is in his 40's and I think he's sexier than a LOT of those 20 and 30 something guys out there.
For me it's the lack of babyface that makes older men sexy. I like them ruggedly handsome with a hairy chest and great shoulders. Seems many younger guys are so soft anymore and if they're not soft, they've got the face of a 12 year old boy.

An attractive 40something guy will have muscle tone but not TOO much muscle tone...great shoulders,great chest without manboobies,a bright smile with a little scruff on the face,rough hands from hard work,and decent clothes that are clean and well put together.

I think a lot of the sexiness comes from the inner attitude as well. If the guy is a complete jerk then he isn't attractive no matter how young or old. Sense of humor can make an ugly man look like the hottest guy in the world to me. I've dated guys that my friends thought were not so attractive but I thought they were sexy as hell because they made me laugh.
 
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