If you read my post about the Dirty Dish Debacle of 2011, then you already know I have a hard time being submissive. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of being nice to someone when they are being irresponsible. There are times when I feel justified in being rude. I know there is never an excuse, but there are times when I give in to my shrew-like nature.
At any rate, I am consciously working on turning this around for the benefit of my marriage and I can proudly say that I passed one test with flying colors.
My husband takes out the trash. I don't bother doing it because I know he'll do it. One morning the trash had piled up. There were two trash bags that were waiting to be taken outside and they were beginning to smell. My husband said he was going out with his friend and I asked if he would please take out the trash before he went. He said he would.
Well, I decided that since he was going out I'd take the kids out for ice cream. When we returned, the trash was still there and the smell hit us like a ton of bricks when we entered. I decided that I would take it out because I couldn't stand the smell. I tried to pick it up, but it was too heavy. Mind you, I'm no petite woman but we have twin babies and their diapers can get heavy. So I put the trash on my stroller frame (the kind with no seats) and wheeled it to the curb.
When my husband returned, he didn't say anything about the trash being gone. I didn't say anything either. The next day, however, he came into the kitchen and asked where the bags where. I said, "What bags?" He said, "The trash." "Oh" I said, "I took it out."
The look on his face was priceless. He said, "You? You took the trash out? Both bags? By yourself?" I nodded my head yes like it was no big deal (and it really isn't, but I NEVER take the trash out and we've been married almost 7 years.) He didn't say anything else, he just walked away.
Now, this is where it pays off. We were talking about a friend and his wife who are going through some problems and my husband says to me, "I don't want to ever be like them. He doesn't take care of his wife the way he should. I am sorry I haven't always done that either. I should have taken out the trash." I burst out laughing. "What does the trash have to do with this?" I asked.
He said, "It's dirty and I don't want my wife touching it let alone dragging it down to the curb." *I didn't tell him that I put it on the stroller frame and I'm not gonna!* "I'm sorry" he said, "I won't forget to take the trash out again."
It is very satisfying to know that my "not sweating the small stuff" attitude is working. I've been working very hard on picking my battles and asking myself, "Will the world end if ____ doesn't get done?" I have received the feedback I needed from my husband to continue not being a controlling biatch.