I'm hoping for a woman's insight...
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I know it's long. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do in regards to my ex. I need to do what's best for me, and I'm also hoping to work towards reconciling with her, but her actions have me confused.
My ex and I were together for 7 years, and best friends for a year before that. All of our friends saw us as the perfect couple: we were always happy, we never fought, and we couldn't get enough of each other. About 4 years ago we got engaged, and planned to marry this summer after she was done with nursing school.
She lived 4 hours away while she went to school for the past 2 years. During this past year, I became depressed, likely due to the long distance relationship and working in a very stressful and hostile environment. During the last 6 months of our relationship, she began to question her feelings for me. She was following-through with her goals (going back to school, losing 50 lbs., and living an active lifestyle), while I wasn't progressing (I also had goals of getting my MBA, losing weight, and being more physically active). I've dealt with self esteem issues most of my life, which I think was why I didn't go after my goals.
Then she graduated and moved back in with me in December. When suddenly my mom dies, many years too soon. Then, I lost my job. Neither one of us could find work (and being financially independent was her #1 goal). Our house was going through a remodel. Life was overwhelming. We decided to go to couples counseling, which seemed to help. We also made a trip to Seattle for New Years, and fell in love all over again (the trip was just like old times for us). After a couple more counseling sessions, my ex said she was very happy, and didn't feel that we needed any more counseling. Shortly after, she became closed off, became very short with me, and 3 weeks later, she moves out and cancels the wedding, and removes me from all of our joint accounts and removes me from all social networking sites. She told me she loves me, but she's not in love with me.
She lives back with her parents, and she's taken the breakup very hard (although I don't know how she feels about it today). She says she wishes things were different. She also had asked me if she could keep the engagement ring, and I said yes, since it was my gift to her. After a month, I saw her. She couldn't look me in the eyes, and just stared at the floor. But she was surprised by what she saw in me: I had done a 180. Since she left, I lost 15 lbs., I was enrolling in grad school, and I was happy. Life gave me the kick in the ass that I needed to become a better man. After hearing my progress, she seemed to relax, and we had a good talk. She seemed happy, until she started talking about herself. When she talked about herself, everything was negative (I hate the situation I'm in, I feel like I'm stuck, etc). She also said she's ok with the group of friends she has and doesn't want to make any more friends, and she doesn't want to date anyone.
A month later (this last weekend, just over 2 months since she left), she sends me an invitation to be a friend on Facebook again (I didn't accept). She also leaves me a voicemail, saying she's in town this weekend and wants to see me for lunch and pick up a couple of small things she left at my house. I text her back, saying I already had lunch plans (I didn't really). Later on, she texts me back and says she's hoping to stop by and pick up her things. I text her back, saying I won't be home, but her things will be on the back porch.
A mutual friend saw her this last weekend, and all my ex did was talk about herself (my friend, and my counselor, feel that my ex is battling depression and confidence issues). Apparently she's working 3 jobs right now and running/working out every day. She goes out with friends, and flirts with other men. My friend asked my ex if she ever wanted to be with me again, and she said no.
Is it possible that someone could be madly in love with someone, then just switch it off? If she ended the relationship only 2 months ago, why is she reaching out to me? Her frustration with me was my lack of drive, but now I'm achieving my goals. How will this change how she sees me? Can a woman say "I never want to be with him again" but change her mind? I'm getting mixed signals from her. I'm trying to move on, but I still feel a sliver of hope for us. Thank you all for your input...