Mrs.G

My husband and I had a wedding that left me wanting more. We had something small because it was what we could afford and we just wanted to be husband and wife.

I have made a lot of progress with my regrets. A wedding is not a marriage, although I still feel a bit sad when I see a bride. I am sure that this will eventually pass.

I was thinking of having a marriage blessing in a church for our fifth anniversary. I am not a Christian, but I still believe in God and I always wanted to marry in a church. I wanted to have all our family and friends, along with the reception I never got to have. I would wear a wedding dress, but have no attendants and refer to the ceremony as a "marriage blessing" and nothing else.

My husband, God bless him, is willing to do this just to make me happy. Mr.G does not see the point since he is atheist and we are already married. He just feels bad about not being able to give me what I wanted. My parents would only help if I let them plan the wedding, which was not acceptable. My husband would much rather spend the money on a luxury tropical vacation. I love that idea too!

What do you think?? Vacation or Marriage Blessing?

Jellybeans

If you are already planning on getting the marriage blessed in 5 yrs, I'd go with the vacation.

Ultimately though, it's up to you.

Mom6547

I think that Unitarian Universalists welcome atheists. AND christians of all stripes. That may be a good church to think about. They accept many different views, so a ceremony to celebrate an existing marriage probably would not even cause anyone to blink.

In MY opinion, for what it is worth, it is in social poor taste to have this kind of thing. It basically (inadvertently no doubt) says to the guests, you were not good enough to come to the real thing, but we want you now to accommodate my desires / to bring gifts.

Life sucks and sometimes you don't get do overs. But until at least 25 years at a renewal of vows or some such, I personally think it is in poor taste.

Others may differ. So take this with a grain of salt.

nader

I'm with Mom on this. Go for the vacation!

Also, most pastors will want you to go through counseling before they agree to officiate a wedding. A UCC/UU minister may be your only option if DH is an atheist. But I agree about the guests/gifts, it does seem socially awkward at only 5 years.

There must be some kind of win/win solution somewhere in all of this.

Jellybeans

I like this quote.

Mrs. G--I know you said you aren't Christian and want to get married in a church. Have you considered having a spiritual blessing instead of getting blessed at a church that you don't believe with what their ideology is?

Trenton

I'd definitely go on the vacation. I think you'll find if you go with the do over wedding that you'll be more stressed than happy. I agree with others that you can renew vows and have a beautiful party any time in the future. You have the love of your life within your arms, go on a beautiful vacation and enjoy every minute of it!

__________________

Mrs.G

I was NEVER planning on asking for gifts!

Life apparently doesn't suck for everyone; I know more brides that had a real wedding, instead of the sad little thing our pockets would allow. My prom was messed up by a principal who didn't like me. Maybe I'm just not meant to enjoy special rites of passages like other people. It will never be my turn.

It was beautiful for what it was, just not what I wanted.

I'm leaning towards the vacation. I don't want to force my husband to participate in something that is supposed to be meaningful. It is lovely that he wants to make me happy, however, his wishes are important too.

Ma (hubby's mother) told me that if we did something like that, she would not attend because we are already married. I would hate that since I love her much more than even my own mother; Ma has been much more supportive and kind.

Mrs.G

I prefer my husband's religion; he was raised as a liberal Protestant in the United church. They have many similarities to Catholics, minus all the guilt and narrow minded outdated views on birth control. I love the way gays can get married and become ministers in the church. I also love the way ministers can marry. If we did do the marriage blessing, it would be in a United church.

Mom6547

A wedding or wedding like thing is a gift giving event. By social convention.

Mrs.G

I appreciate your polite candor. I like it when posters can disagree without resorting to insults or assumptions.

Did you like your wedding, Mom6547?

greenpearl

Mrs.G

People who live in big mansions may not have a happy life.

People who have grand weddings may not end well.

People who wear fancy clothes may have empty heart.

People who drive bigs cars may run a huge debt.

Please don't bring misery upon yourself.

If you keep on dwelling on it, you are going to lose respect from others.

What your Ma said is sending your signals. Make them respect you!

Jellybeans

If you decide on having a wedding, you can stipulate in the invitations "We request that you do not give us gifts" or something of that nature.

Mom6547

I would never admit this to my husband. He went along with the big wedding when he would have preferred wearing sandals in a park somewhere. The tuxedo, the dress, the church, the lots of people.

I wish I knew then what I knew now and had a wedding that was actually fun to be at instead of a show.

The one nice outcome is that 2 other people got to have a pretty wedding dress because I let them use mine. I wish I had gone to the second hand shop and gotten a dress and gotten married at the park and a bbq.

Mrs.G

I have only seen gifts given at actual weddings, not vow renewals or marriage blessings.

nader

My wife feels your pain! We were hit with an unplanned pregnancy about a year into the relationship, so we had very little time to do the wedding. We probably spent about 5k which was mostly facilities and catering, had LOTS of help from others, and about 100 or so guests. For the honeymoon we just took a long weekend at a timeshare in the mountains, using some points my parents had saved up. For me, it was just perfect, not too big and not too small, but I think both of us regret not having a real honeymoon. She has told me before that she 'feels robbed' not getting her dream wedding/honeymoon, but it's just something we have to live with.

That said, I think that given the choice, the guy in the relationship will almost always choose to spend more on the vacation/honeymoon over the wedding.