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Old 05-31-2011, 07:56 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

Very -- sorry to hear you find yourself here but I think it was along time coming from your pasts posts. You'd said you've been separated for awhile and he's come around sometimes on the weekends for sex and wasn't really into committing to a marriage with you. To me, it sounds like he strung you along the entire time til he was ready to let you go, using YOU as his emotional support while he detached.

It's sick.

Also, I know it's common to romanticize the past during a break up, especially for the rejected spouse, however you need to focus on all the reasons why you got here now. Sure, there were good times but don't ONLY think of good times: think this is a guy that cheated on you with his secretary, refused to cut it off w/ her and she ended up suing him for an INSANE amount of $ and later dropped him, and you stood by him the entire time...when most people would have bolted. This is also the same guy that just came 'round for sex and not much else, throwing you little bones here and there and offering you scraps like a dog.

LET HIM GO.

I would file first and ask for everything you want. You are in a great position right now if he's told you he will give you whatever you want. *Most* waywards do this in the beginning (it's part of the Script) and soon he will changte his mind on this awltogether once he realizes what he's about to give up materially/financially (emotionally he's gone so don't even think about things in terms of his hear). Take him up oln his offer, get it in writing,a nd have him servedd this week.

Thefaster you move, the better.

Detach.

Tell him you're not interested in dating him if he wants to be "friends" after you were his wife. NO MORE CONTACT WITH HIM. DO NOT tell him you are going to see a lawyer. Call around to a few lawyers to get some free consultations til you find the one you like. Ask about payment plans they offer, tell them what your situation is and ask what their success rate is. Find out what your state laws are, find out what you are rightfully owed from your marriage to him and MOVE FAST. MMMKAY?

You can't see it right now through your tears and heartache but you are SOOOOOO much better off than being with a man who treats you as if you are nothing more than a quick lay on the weekend.

Keep your head up. Don't let him see you sweat.

I promise...it DOES and WILL get better.

Big hugs to you!
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Old 05-31-2011, 08:31 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

And we love you VH. You aren't a woman to be cast aside. You are a can do woman!
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:47 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

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Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Can anyone help me with this?
What happens now?
What should I do?
What shouldn't I do?
Do I file for Divorce?
All of a sudden I feel like a toddler concerning my decision making !!
I'm so sorry VH! You're the sweetest most caring person...but I know you're a tough cookie.You're going to be ok. Just breathe...

I think you should file first.He threw a curveball at you by telling you he doesn't love you so it's time for you to take control. Be calm and remember the situation will get handled easier if you put your emotions aside for now and deal with the business part of this issue.

I feel terrible this is happening to you. But I know you're going to make it through this. You are better than this game playing he is pulling with you. You deserve more.

I'm here for you lovely lady if you need me.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:16 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

Ladies~

I've read all your posts and I appreciate all the different opinions and advice.

I am a fair open-mined person. Always was. Always will be.

I only want what I deserve by Law. Nothing more, nothing less.

Resentments and bitterness is what got us here in the first place.

I am a forgiving person but I am not a fool.

Fully aware of his faults and fully aware of mine.

I'll keep you udated.

Very Hurt
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:20 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

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Ladies~

I've read all your posts and I appreciate all the different opinions and advice.

I am a fair open-mined person. Always was. Always will be.

I only want what I deserve by Law. Nothing more, nothing less.

Resentments and bitterness is what got us here in the first place.

I am a forgiving person but I am not a fool.

Fully aware of his faults and fully aware of mine.

I'll keep you udated.

Very Hurt


Once again, I'm in complete awe of you. I hope to navigate my life's disappointments and heartaches with as much grace and courage as you.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:59 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

Cheating is clearly hurtful. I do not feel responsible for my husband's infidelity and deceit.

His response to our marital problems and disappoinments was to seek another woman who was more than willing to give him attention that he felt he didn't get from me.

But he did have options other than pure betrayal.

He does admit NOW that he should have chosen other "options."

Don't act on an impulse. Just think about how many people are indirectly involved besides your spouse: your children, your family, your co-workers, your parents, your in-laws etc....

The ripple effect of adultery is mind boggling.

Talk directly and honesty with your spouse about what needs are not being met.

Suggest going to see a Marriage Counselor.

Ask for a separation or divorce.

If I can help just one other person (male or female) from causing pain to their spouse, I will be happy.
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:33 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

Chilly ~

My case was not due from lack of sex or friendship.

I suffered two serious extremely painful injuries in my left leg.

One injury left me with permanent nerve damage where I can no longer move my left ankle, foot or toes.

These injuries were too much for my husband to bear. I spent days in the hospital after a 4 hour surgery, a month in Rehab and months in a hospital bed in my family room.

My husband insisted on caring for me and burned himself out emotionally and physically.

His sec'y in the meantime, took full advantage of his vulnerabilty and my situation and was feeding him lines of support and you poor thing having to work all day and then have to go home and take care of your wife, you must be tired blah, blah, blah.

She was young slender, active, pretty and had her eyes on my husband prior to my injury.

She was unhappy in her marriage. Looking back, it seems to me that "timing" was a great catalyst for her waiting in the wings.

My husband was her ticket out of a lousy marriage and severe financial debt. I think you get the picture.

So, I respectfully disagree with your assumptions that lack of years of sex or being critical were the reasons behind my situation.

Very Hurt
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Old 06-01-2011, 10:26 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

When will you see a lawyer, Very?
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Old 06-01-2011, 10:37 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

I recommend you speak to several lawyers in your area but try to do it with a calm mind. Making decisions based on anger is going to get you in trouble.

I hope you find peace and happiness. You deserve it.
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Old 06-01-2011, 10:55 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

VH,

Stay strong, you are a wonderful person and you will survive this.
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Old 06-01-2011, 12:05 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

I truly do appreciate all your posts. It helps me to see what others think and feel and I am not offended whatsoever.

Yes, it is the saddest day of my life. I suppose that I can see my faults. Yes, he hurt me but somewhere along the line, I must have hurt him.

I look at the good and the bad in things.

I just cannot erase 28 years of my life without feeling sorrow. I am human and I have feelings. Feeling sad does not take away from my feelings of hurt. But I never been an angry, vindictive and vengeful person and where would it get me to start having those characteristics now?

We did have good times. The birth of our son after three miscarriages to name one.

He supported me through two cancer surgeries, the death of my parents and an episode of clinical depression.

Some posters would say that I am a fool but that's okay.

Very Hurt
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Old 06-01-2011, 12:20 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Can anyone help me with this?
What happens now?
You can ask your stbx if he is interested in working things out and attending marriage counseling. He may not be receptive, since he has had an affair and is asking for a divorce. It seems like your stbx has his mind made up.

What should I do?
All you can do is prepare for life as a single woman; I recommend that you get your own place and refrain from living in the matrimonial home for too long. You need a new beginning. This is a loss and any loss requires grieving. Counseling may help. Make sure that you get all that you are entitled to financially. Have you told your son yet? If so, how is he reacting to the news?

What shouldn't I do?
Do NOT beg and plead.

Do I file for Divorce?
Only if there is a benefit to you filing first. Are you going to be separated for a time or are you just going to divorce?

All of a sudden I feel like a toddler concerning my decision making !!
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Old 06-01-2011, 12:26 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

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Sometimes even when someone is "soooooooooooooo" horrible,we still try to see the good in them and love them anyway.anytime someone tells you they no longer love you after you've tried so hard to move past their terrible actions,it breaks your heart and makes you feel so dark and alone you want to cry until you can't cry anymore.
It doesn't matter how terrible the person's actions were, no one wants to be told someone doesn't love them anymore.It's sad.It's hurtful. You'd have to be made of stone to not be hurt by something like that.
It is bittersweet to end a toxic relationship. One is glad the strife is over, but they are sad that the relationship could not have been better. They may also miss the good times.
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Old 06-01-2011, 12:40 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

I know how you feel.
My wife has yet to say she doesn't love me, but she's showing me in so many ways.

I feel the pain every time I look at her.

Do your best to move on. Rejection hurts, I know it does.

Stay strong.
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Old 06-01-2011, 12:43 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Today is the saddest day of my life. My husband told me that he doesn't love me..

My plans are not to take him to the cleaners BUT I will look into the 30K that he paid his sec'y in the Sexual Harrassment Lawsuit.

I did get the name of a well-respected Attorney who deals in Matrimonial Law. She is also a Certified State Mediator.

I know that I am a very emotional, passionate and sensitive person but I have to switch that role and try to be logical, sensible and practical person right now.

I am mentally drained already and I know that things are only going to get more complicated.

Very Hurt
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