WhiteRabbit

take a mental break for an hour or two...get a really smutty sex novel that has a strong female character.It'll help you get lost for a bit and give you some interesting dreams at night.
I thought it was a dumb idea at first but I tried it over the weekend and it helped give me that break from myself that I needed.

JLynnMann

I am very sorry to hear this VH. I know how this feels as my inbetween 1st and 2nd hubby I had a fiance'. He cheated on me- I stayed. Then after 4 years of my life was wasted on his butt he left me and married another girl he had been cheating on me with.
Even though he was a jerk and I was better off without him the hurt was great. I had loved him through everything and still he left. Even when bad relationships end there is a grieving period and it is completely normal. Allow yourself to grieve.

Fair is fair- I agree. In this situation fair would be for her to get recompensation for the money he dished out for HIS affair. I would give this same advice to a man also. Why should she lose out on something that she didn't make the choice to do?

This isn't vindictive- this IS being FAIR!

I left my first husband for mental/emotional abuse that got worse and worse over the years. He wouldn't do counseling and wouldn't even try to help because in his mind he wasn't part of the problem. Still to this day- he never accepts responsibility for anything.

I didn't take him to the cleaners even though he got very nasty. I took very little material things when I walked away from that marraige. What I gained after loosing nearly everything was myself which has been worth far more than I ever could have fought for in the divorce.

It isn't about being vindictive. It's about being fair to ones' self. Cheating is NEVER justified IMO. I would prefer my husband walk out and leave us first if things were that bad. I would prefer he tell me what is wrong on his side and both of us work together to fix the issue/s. I would prefer counseling to strengthen our bond. Nearly anything over cheating and destroying trust. That is not easy to regain.

VH, I wish you the best through all of this. I also pray you find peace and you get to know, respect, and love yourself again through all of this. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what is going on, how to fix it that we lose ourselves.
It seems as though your husband helped you along that path through his indescretions and now this disheartening blow. Now is time for you to love you and to work on you!
My mantra was this when I went through a similar situation- " You don't need him. He drug you down. You are special and worthy of love." Sounds stupid but it worked for me. After awhile I could look in the mirror and smile while telling myself that. It's good to feel complete, whole, and happy for yourself!
You are beautiful VH, a heart of gold. Don't forget that you are worthy of love and respect through all of this- as heartwrenching as I know it is right now. Tomorrow is another day- a new day.

VeryHurt

JLM:
Such a sweet post. Thank you.
VH

Jellybeans

This is the freakin truth.

uhaul4mybaggage

Very,
I am so sorry for your loss. Do you have some close girlfriends who are nearby that have maybe been through it? This board has helped me a lot,but sometimes you just want to be in the same room as a friend.

I made so many mistakes because I was emotionally just not able to cope. I am glad that you can see a need to be present in mind and not get taken advantage of. Yes, you should file first, and no, you shouldn't wait or tell him. The hardest thing is to accept that this person is now "unsafe" for you because he is looking after his own interests. Don't be expecting him to look after yours. You and your friends have to do that.

I wish I could give you a hug. Take a hot bubble bath, and get back in touch with your counselor. You might need it for a while. Hang in there. We love you.

VeryHurt

I don't have any friends where I am living but I do have an IC.

I do log on often to read posts.

Sometimes it feels like somone cares.

Part of today I was strong but this evening I'm a little melancholy.

Like right now, I'm crying.

All these thoughts are filling my mind, like a very long drawn out instant reply.

It's horrible.

Therealbrighteyes

Oh honey!! This virtual friend here cares an awful lot. We are all here to support one another, don't forget that.
Any chance you can go to a book store and by a book you've been meaning to read? Or go see some great movie you. What about booking a trip to the area that your friends live?

grizabella

VH, you need to imagine a lot of arms supporting you and surrounding you. I think all of us are misty eyed because your pain is a part of what we all have felt.

827Aug

VH, although I have not read all of your threads, I get the jest of your situation. It sounds very similar to what I experienced in 2007. I really feel your pain. Just remember there are a lot of us pulling for you. Be strong!

VeryHurt

Everyone has been very kind to me and I appreciate your support.

I have no idea what is going to happen to me and I'm scared. The future alone scares me.

Who is going to want a 56 year old woman with a disabilty?

turnera

I guess you have another thread somewhere, but...he CHEATED, you KNOW he cheated, and you did not EXPOSE the cheating?

I'm just trying to get this straight before I say anything.

WhiteRabbit

A decent man will see that you have many things to offer...the disability does not define you. Don't let it be your defining characteristic, you're so much more than a woman with a disability.

turnera

A nice, sensitive man who is looking for a real partner?

Undertheradar

I agree with what they said ^^^^^^^

VeryHurt

Hi Turnera ~

I don't really have another thread except for my initial one in March.

I have posted my feelings from time to time.

Yes, he did cheat on me with his sec'y for about 6 months. After I found out, he didn't fire her many months.

I'm a mess.

Very Hurt