turnera

Sorry, fwiw means for what it's worth.

Dark Plan B means you let go completely and tell him that, if he's unwilling to accept your new (post-affair) standards for what you'd require in a husband (transparency, counseling, etc.), then you'll never see him again. It's done for YOUR sanity, and so that you don't lose the little bit of love you have left for him.

It's part of the plan espoused by Marriage Builders, which I believe in because it's based on psychology, which is hard to argue with.

silentlifeguard

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Learn to love yourself, learn to love your alone time. When you realize that you don't need another person to be happy is when you will be happy. I am not saying become a hermit. I am saying accepting yourself will transform you and your confidence allow you to do things you would never do before alone. For example, a dance class, movies, restaurants, etc... I wish you luck and I wish you the best because you are a great and a wonderful person.

VeryHurt

My Newest Updated Thread has moved to the Men's Club.

I didn't realize that I wasn't suppose to start a new one with the same problem. Sorry.

Very Hurt

mmpriest_2707

i feel your sadness..i feel your pain..i just hope and pray you will overcome this..have a vacation and find yourself again,make a new start even its painful,who knows maybe your husband need time on himself also and maybe after that you both find each other again

cinibun

I am sorry to hear about the devastating pain you must be feeling! I have found out my DH was having a EA with a old lover, someone he was with even after we started dating 20yr ago, i found out and told him to end it, only he didnt see the issue, it was only text and email to him, but they were deleting text, he was having her email his private email, I only recently found out how long they had known one another.. long story short, i felt like my naive little life had been thrown into tailspin... I looked back at my marriage history and saw many things over past few years that should have made me say what the hell!! I didnt want to see it, and he knew that.. i fear that you may have been in the same situation.. signs were there, things were really worse than you wanted to believe and like me didnt see the obvious!! now that I see how stupid I have been, and the love and attention I too have suffered from not receiving.. I am not sure I will make it through this period. The loss of trust from your husband esp if you have been married 20 years or more, and EA are worse than sex in my opinion. the pain is deep! Take a step back, and look back, way back, has he met YOUR NEEDS? did he ever just tell you how lucky he was, or that you were beautiful? hold your hand in public, secretly whisper he couldnt wait to get home after being out at night? We may be women, but we too have needs, and although society makes men feel as if every need they have should be an instant priority in the world, we too should be treated with just human respect and love. their our spouse, should our needs not be also considered? Before you blame yourself, just think back, Im sure you will find he has been neglecting you for a lonnnngg time.. I know I have been, and taken for granted daily, he has made probably the first unselfish step in years and is setting you free... free to find a life where you can find some TRUE happiness down the road, and maybe another man who will love you, really love you and rush home to see you..

madgirl

Your situation is like mine. My husband told me in June he doesn't know if he loves me. We have tried counseling, he doesn't want to go anymore because he doesn't want to listen. He is getting his own place and I asked for a divorce then he is now on match.com. Men are selfish.

madgirl

my husband did the same thing with two woman. One he goes to her house and gets drunk then drives home. She is a big client of his so I guess in his eyes it's ok. Why do they have to be like this?

memyselfandi

I've been there. And to everyone that gets angry over someone not loving you anymore..it happens. No need to throw all the pictures of the two of you into the garbage or throw his stuff out the window...it's about two adults BEING adults and not hating each other later.

I know it's hard. My ex cheated on me countless times. It wasn't about loving..or even liking the person he was having sex with, as he told me after our divorce..it was just about feeling insecure and the idea that he treated me soo badly that if I left him...at least he'd have someone else.

How sad as I stuck with him day in and day out throughout everything. When I said, "Til death to us part"..I really meant it.

What they should really write into marriage vows is, "Come hell or high water, I'll love you" as that's so much more realistic nowadays...as that's what I did.

We were together for 7 years and married for 17. He didn't want to give all that up when I decided I wanted to file for divorce since I couldn't take it anymore. He wanted both worlds...being a husband..and sleeping with other women.

I felt bad and refused to have him served. I'm too nice for that and just told him to expect the paperwork in the mail as I was again too kind to just hand it to him.

He felt bad..I felt bad..and we talked about it. But he was who he was..and not the kind of husband I wanted to continue my life with.

In addition, I told him that it wasn't all about who filed first..it was about who had to let go first..and I had to be the one since he wouldn't. I wanted to move on with my life while he wanted to stay in limbo..loving two women..and I wouldn't let him do that as I not only wanted to find myself throughout all of it..but wanted to find a true love of my own without any baggage or complications.

The only advice I can give here right now is..being angry throughout a divorce doesn't get you anywhere. It's kinda of like a snowball fight and nobody really wins..it's just who gets the better of the other person in the end and who ends up all wet in the process.

bandit.45

Wishing you all the love in the world VeryHurt.

Goldmember357

be thankful you had those memories some people never even get that in life

best of luck