VeryHurt

My husband and I were married in 1983. We are both in our mid-fifties. We've had a rocky marriage during the past 3 to 4 years. Two years ago he had an EA>PA with secretary and our relationship started to suffer at a rapid pace.

When I read these stories on this site, I feel so bad for the person. He told me this morning and it took me to now to able to compose myself to admit my failure to my fellow cohorts on TAM.

Today, I got the speach that I've read hundreds of times here. It was always someone else, but today it was me. My head is aching. My heart is in pain. My eyes are swollen.

He said that he no longer loves me. He is no longer attracted to me. He hasn't been in love with me for about 9 months. He doesn't want me to be his wife anymore but he wants us to be friends.

He said that there is no one else and I am 99% certian that is true. He does not want and cannot live anymore with the responsibilty of a wife. He would prefer to be a "loner" than have to answer to anyone.

He said that he has been unhappy for a long time but didn't want to hurt me again.

He wishes me well and said that he will not fight me on any divorce issues. He hopes that we will be able to remain friends and continue to communicate on a daily basis.

He said that he'd like to date me because he enjoys my company. So there you have it. Another sob story from a broken soul. Thank you for listening.

golfergirl

I'm so sorry! You're such a sweet person. It's not a failure! It's a new beginning. Doesn't seem like it now but when you meet someone who truly treat you like you deserve, you'll understand.
Posted via Mobile Device

Halien

Veryhurt,
I'm so sorry for your pain, and the unfairness of this. Looking through your posts, its obvious that you have such a good spirit. Please know that there are those praying for you.

ClipClop

This is terrible news. But how likely is or really that he just wants to be alone? I know you know the drill so I won't say anything more.

This just sucks. He has a lot of ****ing nerve putting you through yet more heartache. What a.... eh, there are no words.

I am so sorry VH.
Posted via Mobile Device

VeryHurt

He does want to be alone.
Doesn't want anymore pressure in his life.
I did see this coming. He has been distant.
Ignoring me. Not touching me.
Uncaring. Like I didn't matter.
I felt disposable.

VeryHurt

Can anyone help me with this?
What happens now?
What should I do?
What shouldn't I do?
Do I file for Divorce?
All of a sudden I feel like a toddler concerning my decision making !!

grizabella

VH so sorry to hear of this. I can't believe how juvenile that is wanting to opt out of responsibility. First of all, remain friends? Think long and hard, is this the type of person you want for a friend? He just wants to continue to suck the life out of you. Second, see a lawyer ASAP. Make sure you are taken care of financially. Filing first may not be a bad idea, shows your independence. I'll be praying for you.

chillymorn

has he been comunicating that he was unhappy ..........like he needed more sex or time to himself or that whatever and you ignored him until he finally said I'd be more happy alone than putting up with this.

ClipClop

if it were me I'd file right away and I'd take him to the cleaners. take him up on is offer. the dating comment was a way for him to soften the blow .I would say don't be too nice about anything .
Posted via Mobile Device

VeryHurt

Hi Chilly Mom:
Yes, he has been distant for a long time and he did mention a few times that he was unhappy.
Regarding sex, he has no complaints w/ offers of daily BJ/HJ.
He has had ED for about a year which prevents intercourse.

ClipClop

I also wouldn't tell him that are files I'd love to see the shocked look on his face when he get the papers .
Posted via Mobile Device

VeryHurt

Does it legally matter who files first?

Clinging

Very Hurt
I was married in 1980 and also just over 50. My H was treating me exactly the same way for about the last 6 months - maybe just before Xmas and he up and left on Monday and I have found out by putting 2 & 2 together that there is an OW and has been this whole time. She lives 10 hrs aways so most of it was EA but he has certainly been in her city.

I feel the same way disposable. He offered an Olive branch yesterday and I broke it into 1000 piece so I will never hear back from him again. We are seperating finances (he has yet to sign) but if not by Friday I will go the court route.

Your H at least says he wants to date you, mine is dating someone else.

I can feel your pain only too well.

Hang in there I haven't been here long -2 weeks and already I want off this train.

chillymorn

well then it ain't sex related maybe you are critical in someother way that has been a problem for him.


maybe he is depressed because of his ED and just figures f---it my man hood is failing so I might as well be alone.

good luck sorry your going through a tough time but as the other posters said you will get over this. as for taking him to the cleaners so to speak.............WWJD a fair break up of everything would be My goal.

ClipClop

There is a psychological advantage in filing first. They have to respond. It is like moving first in chess. It also makes you feel more in control.
Posted via Mobile Device