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What is seduction to you?

9K views 85 replies 20 participants last post by  frustr8dhubby 
#1 ·
Hello ladies,

One of the threads in the sex forum got me to thinking. What is seduction to you?

I have never been the most romantic type with words, etc but I do try to be flirty, playful, what have you. But that is usually met with disdain or a laugh off.

As an example. We have been doing P90 together lately and of course my comment is "Hey the kids are at school and I am home today, great day for naked P90!" Which is met with something like "Yeah so you can see my floppy t*ts, etc". Now obviously naked P90 isn't really practical but any time I try to play with her like that her comments are negative. Not mean, just almost like she intentionally tries to kill the thought.

She doesn't like frank dirty talk so I can't sext with her. So where do I draw the line? How can I tease her mind a little without her being so negative about it?

Thanks!
 
#51 ·
Bah, she is not having an affair, or at least if she is, she is darn good at hiding it. And yes, I have asked her repeatedly over the years what she is into and it is a very small list.

In fact she is one of the few women that I have ever known that actually asks for thinks like a vacuum or kitchen appliances for Christmas/etc. I'd just as soon buy her diamonds and she wants a Cuisanart.. WTF? :D
 
#52 ·
In fact she is one of the few women that I have ever known that actually asks for thinks like a vacuum or kitchen appliances for Christmas/etc. I'd just as soon buy her diamonds and she wants a Cuisanart.. WTF? :D
She is not in tune with having a sensual side of herself. Not everybody is - I have something of that same problem but am getting more in tune BECAUSE my husband refuses to let me exist like that. :p

There was another thread that I just read this morning that had a post that essentially said that inside every prim, proper, innocent, non-sensual wife is a tiger waiting to be unleashed by her husband. Likely true in many cases - the only problem is YOU have to figure out how to help take that leash off of her (and she may not even realize she has one on!) The way my husband does it is by acting like I am the sexiest woman in the world to him - the only one for him, and he does a good job of making me believe he is the only one for me too. So, after so many years of this I am beginning to start to believe him.:D
 
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#60 ·
Enchantment,

That is a great idea I may try that, though money is less available then it used to be. :(

WhiteRabbit,

Too funny!! :D

Mrs G.,

Jewelry, yes to some degree; Flowers kinda; lingerie, sadly NO. :(

Jellybeans,

I have asked her. Maybe I am asking it wrong somehow but there is nothing that seems to really get her going. Her love language is acts of service but I think I do fairly well in that area. *sigh*
 
#63 ·
I asked her directly over a month ago. "What turns you on?". The answer: nothing.

Same discussion: "Name one sexual fantasy.". None.

She says she gets emotional/loving/whatever when watching me play with or read to our girls and such but nothing actually turns her on.
 
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#66 ·
She is at best, disinterested and utterly unengaged. At worst, she has an aversion to the idea of sex ... with you. May be the same with anyone else too, but at the moment the relationship consists of you and she.

There needs to be at minimum, a basic emotional connection for seduction. Seduction is about eliciting feelings in your target/partner. As Trenton mentioned, almost any strong emotional response that you can trigger, can establish a connection that you can work from there.

Your issue? She sees you coming a mile away. The dynamic you currently have is that the moment she recognizes that the course of conversation or interaction is moving into sexual territory, she closes up like Fort Knox. I'm familiar with this, because it's what my ex used to do. I called it a negative feedback loop. Ours got so bad that ANY pretext of affection on my part, she viewed as sexually overt ... and responded very poorly to.That my friend ... is about as f*cked up as a relationship can get.

I agree with the suggestion to back off. Way, way off. Trying to 'seduce' your wife right now, simply isn't in the cards. She isn't open to it, and all because she is over-focused on the fact that YOU are.
 
#67 ·
She is at best, disinterested and utterly unengaged. At worst, she has an aversion to the idea of sex ... with you. May be the same with anyone else too, but at the moment the relationship consists of you and she.

<cut>I agree with the suggestion to back off. Way, way off.
I don't understand this. I really don't. :scratchhead:

If she's disinterested and / or unengaged, why will backing off MAKE her interested? If I'm not interested in something, someone NOT talking to me about doesn't make me want to do it. In that case, whatever it is simply drops off my radar totally.

If she has an aversion to sex, how will ignoring it (backing off) remove / deal with the aversion? By backing off, do you not simply re-inforce her position, by basically saying you accept the status quo, and that if she's OK with it so are you?
 
#70 ·
Deejo,

I think we've had this discussion before and I have even gone through periods of trying this. However, what is the focus on HER issue if she claims she doesn't even know what the issue is???

I think I need to reiterate. She isn't necessarily sex averse it just never seems to even cross her radar. So in some respect I have to agree with Sawney, I think just ignoring it will likely mean it will just never cross her radar.
 
#73 ·
I am not quick to believe her but I have to have some element of trust there or what would be the point?

In fact she made some off-hand comment a week or two ago. Something to the affect of: "Well I guess I would be a bad masterbater..". After that, I told her she should masterbate and she said she didn't see any reason to.
 
#74 · (Edited)
Nowhere did I state to ignore what's going on. What I'm saying is to change how you address it.

Bottom line ... are you prepared to accept your marriage as it is?

I'm presuming you aren't. You have indicated that you have done all of the legwork in trying to discover what turns her on and how she feels about sex. And according to her the answers are 'Nothing and indifferent.' Not much question that your spouse has a low sex drive. I apologize for not being fully familiar with your history, was that always the case?

If you believe she is already doing the best she can in trying to step up and address your needs, then at some point in time you will need to decide if her effort is acceptable to you.

What I'm suggesting, is that if she values the marriage, she should be willing to explore the issue, with an MD or a therapist ... so at the very least, even if she isn't 'feeling it' she recognizes that you do, and it's important to you.
 
#79 ·
What I'm suggesting, is that if she values the marriage, she should be willing to explore the issue, with an MD or a therapist ... so at the very least, even if she isn't 'feeling it' she recognizes that you do, and it's important to you.
Sooner or later, doesn't the arguement come out along the lines of:
"Why is the fact that YOU want it / like it more important that the fact that I DON'T want it / like it?". What happens then?
 
#75 ·
Deejo,

I don't know if I can accept it as it is. I should be able to but I don't seem to be able to.

No it was not always the case. In fact when we were first together I was a little lower drive than her because I was having some rough times after my divorce. It has gotten progressively worse over the years after the birth of the kids.

She has talked to the MD about it some. They did some hormone checks but I don't know if it was the "right" checks. She doesn't want to see a therapist. She seems to have this inane fear of being told that something is "wrong" with her. She has the same fear with medical stuff.

She does try and she does know it is important to me. However, maybe I am too much the other way, I don't know. To your point, I am sure my pushing/nagging/begging/whatever you want to call it probably doesn't help. Though I have gone through some long periods trying not to grope/touch/initiate/whatever but that doesn't change anything.

Sometimes I wonder if it is me and I am some kind of sex addict or something. Though I don't think it's that level as I don't go get it elsewhere, I watch porn some but rarely masterbate to it, etc, etc.
 
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