I think you have hit the nail on the head with being totally geared towards the family life. I have backed off quite a bit but I can't do 100%, I just don't seem capable.
I don't want to play games, I don't want to leave.
As for her being an aggressor. Prior to children, totally. In the last 7-9 years, it is me.
Ok, this is a good start.
Don't back off 100%, try to understand what she may be feeling.
Even though I'm a man, there was a time when I gained weight, business slowed down, and I didn't feel good about myself. I couldn't look friends in the face, nevermind hold my head up high as a man to my wife.
Your wife reminds me of so many wives in my inner circle of friends. It's very common.
As far as what you're feeling, you're expecting something from your wife, that she may not be capable of at the moment. Woman has the highest regard for how they feel about themselves. If she doesn't feel good about herself, she's not giving in to you,.. Period.
Does she have a desire to wear nice clothes?
Are you struggling finncially, to a point wear she's wearing old clothes every day?
Maybe you need to coax her out of her "family mode" slowly. Back off YOUR needs for a while, and see if you can fill some of hers.
BTW... My 50 yr old friends all have the same complaint. Their 50 yr old wives "lost it". I say it doesn't have to be that way.
I'm 52, and a tiger.
My wife is 37, and she still cheated on me, regardless.
So I say, respect your wife for all the wonderful qualities you describe, and help her through whatever it is you want from her.