What is seduction to you?

Runs like Dog · 06-07-2011, 10:36 AM

Sometimes it sounds that people confuse seduction with corruption.

frustr8dhubby · 06-07-2011, 10:39 AM

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean?

Sawney Beane · 06-07-2011, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deejo

Negative.

You back off and reset the dynamic. If she has issues surrounding sex, and a belief that ANY form of intimacy will lead to him desiring sex, then intimacy becomes a trigger of avoidance. If a wife is sexually shut down, and a husband consistently brings it up for discussion, flirtation, seduction, complaining ... it becomes the male equivalent of nagging. It doesn't work.

By backing off and focusing on HER issues, it puts the subject in a different focus. Instead of trying to get her to have sex, stay focused on the reasons she DOESN'T want to have sex, and make her take responsibility for them in the context of maintaining the relationship. She needs to be honest with herself, and her husband. If her attitude is 'this is who I am, take it or leave it.' Hubby should make it clear that he will leave it.

Ah! Nowhere did it say "...focusing on HER issues...", it just said "...backing off...". No wonder it made no sense. What about when the focusing on her issues becomes the male equivalent of nagging?

As for being detached / disinterested, if someone tries to focus on why I don't like football (for example), I'll just say "'Cos it's ****, now drop it!" All the focussing on why I thunk it's **** won't make think any more highly of it.

Sawney Beane · 06-07-2011, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deejo

What I'm suggesting, is that if she values the marriage, she should be willing to explore the issue, with an MD or a therapist ... so at the very least, even if she isn't 'feeling it' she recognizes that you do, and it's important to you.

Sooner or later, doesn't the arguement come out along the lines of:
"Why is the fact that YOU want it / like it more important that the fact that I DON'T want it / like it?". What happens then?

Sawney Beane · 06-07-2011, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frustr8dhubby

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean?

"Seduction" has some certain negative connotations, usually in the sense of a more experienced partner taking advantage of the innocence / naivete of the less experienced. Often in this context in older books.

frustr8dhubby · 06-07-2011, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sawney Beane

Sooner or later, doesn't the arguement come out along the lines of:
"Why is the fact that YOU want it / like it more important that the fact that I DON'T want it / like it?". What happens then?

Exactly. In fact that is kind of where we are right now. Me going down on her is a perfect example, we have pretty much had that exact "argument". I LOVE going down on her, she could kind of care less and so there it goes.

WIFE: "Aren't I supposed to like it?"
ME: "Yes"
WIFE: "Well I don't care about it so why do you want to do it?"
ME: "Uhm, well I enjoy doing it and I would like to make you feel good?"...

And so forth...

frustr8dhubby · 06-07-2011, 01:24 PM

Sawney,

Oh and thanks for the clarification on the seduction/corruption thing, though I am still not quite sure where it fits in this context.

Sawney Beane · 06-07-2011, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frustr8dhubby

Sawney,

Oh and thanks for the clarification on the seduction/corruption thing, though I am still not quite sure where it fits in this context.

Guessing here, but there could be some people who think of seduction like that and see it as something done to them, and not necessarily with their full willing agreement, rather than something they actively participate in?

Undertheradar · 06-07-2011, 02:19 PM

I think I just learned that seduction is telling your wife, she could leave.

Those love juices start the flow like a river.

Actually just kidding...
I don't operate that way.
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Runs like Dog · 06-07-2011, 02:29 PM

It's the difference between a loving relationship a power relationship.

frustr8dhubby · 06-07-2011, 02:31 PM

Yeah I've heard that over and over also. Usually it is just the tears flowing, not the "love juices".