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What is seduction to you?

9K views 85 replies 20 participants last post by  frustr8dhubby 
#1 ·
Hello ladies,

One of the threads in the sex forum got me to thinking. What is seduction to you?

I have never been the most romantic type with words, etc but I do try to be flirty, playful, what have you. But that is usually met with disdain or a laugh off.

As an example. We have been doing P90 together lately and of course my comment is "Hey the kids are at school and I am home today, great day for naked P90!" Which is met with something like "Yeah so you can see my floppy t*ts, etc". Now obviously naked P90 isn't really practical but any time I try to play with her like that her comments are negative. Not mean, just almost like she intentionally tries to kill the thought.

She doesn't like frank dirty talk so I can't sext with her. So where do I draw the line? How can I tease her mind a little without her being so negative about it?

Thanks!
 
#2 ·
Please excuse my ignorance but what is a P90? In your example, her comeback almost sounds similar to your half asking for some play. She in turn was half replying to show you her breasts. The term p90 doesn't sound all that erotic in this context. (even thuogh I have no idea what it means).


I feel seducing is more of a coming on cause you "want" and "desire" your partner, there is an intensity about the matter, no asking about it, but passion fully present with eyes that tell the whole story when she looks into them, she should feel a longing for her.

It is not so much light hearted with a question mark hoping she will come your way but a "oh honey, I am SO into you right now, have been missing you all day" type of feeling- needing to be expressed in words , showing a bodily urgency that you need to have her NOW. With a rubbing up against her, a pushing her down romantically.

Sometimes sex may be the last thing on our minds, but a coming on like this can take us by sweet surprise- and she will fall under your spell ~~ your passion fueling her passion.

Starting with some affection to gauge her mood, your hands around her waist, a kissing on the neck, hands moving further up possiby, whatever she LIKES- glances to see the pleasure on her face, if it is there, more kissing, roamning hands going to some of these hotter zones, a whisering in her ears all the things you have been waiting to do to her, Teasing all way to the finish.

For me, THIS is seduction. Many women will fall under such a spell. Need to not be afraid or even question your ability to bring her to these places though, she wants to feel your passion. (or she should!!).

I realize this sounds easy , if your wife is a cold fish or you are having issues, might not go so well, but a shame, this is what romance novels are made of and it works for most of us ! :)
 
#3 ·
I think suggesting naked p90 is flirty...kind of like when i would suggest to my husband that we play naked wii sports;)
or play naked pool...naked guitar hero...anything naked:D


but her idea of flirty might be more conservative. maybe send her a text telling her that you miss her soft skin or you love her sweet scent...erotic but not filthy.
 
#4 ·
SA,

P90 is an exercise program. :) Believe me I try the "I want you now" or rubbing on her stuff all the time, that never works.

WhiteRabbit,

I have tried less suggestive texts and even leaving little notes in her truck or on the fridge. Seems to get me nowhere. :(
 
#6 ·
WhiteRabbit,

I have tried less suggestive texts and even leaving little notes in her truck or on the fridge. Seems to get me nowhere. :(
bummer:( does she have a low self esteem that would keep her from being able to accept your praise and advances? the floppy boobies comment makes me feel like she doesn't feel sexy and it's really keeping her from getting in the mood.

it isn't your job to make her feel sexy.it's your job to supplement the sexiness she already feels for herself...you can't just create a self esteem for her. does that make sense? if she can't feel sexy on her own then nothing you do will ever make her respond in a positive way.
 
#5 ·
No wonder your name is "frustr8hubby". Why is your wife so cold to you? Do you ever try to discuss it with her?

Seduction means romance to me, along with the urgency. My husband seduces me by sending dirty emails and pulling me away from whatever I'm doing to have sex.
 
#11 ·
That would not be seductive to me in any way. I'd consider it playful and almost funny but not seductive.

Seductive takes more work in my opinion and is not nearly as blunt as sexts and naked P90. If you master seduction I think she will be more likely to respond to sext'ing and P90 naked ideas.

For seduction I think there has to be subtle conflict and intense emotions built up to create a sense of sexual friction.

An example: If your wife had interaction with any man. Say you're at the grocery store and she gets help from the clerk and you comment on how he is checking her out. If this happened you could say something along the lines of, "Why was that guy checking you out?"

Now she might feel that you're being ridiculous but your slight jealousy and notice of her as a woman will stir emotions for her. Then you can follow your comment up with a physical touch of some sort. A light slap on the bum or an arm around her waist (arm around her waist if she's not use to a lot of physical touch from you) and then say, "You're mine." -or if this is too much for her- you can say something jokingly but firm in the form of a question but said as a statement...like, "Doesn't he know you're mine." Then let it go.

Now later on that evening you can re-bring up the emotions you stirred and have it lead to more physical touch. So you say something like, "Why do you look so good in those *fill in the blank with whatever she was wearing that you found attractive during the day*?

Make eye contact with her and say something along the lines of (again, not in a serious psycho voice but rather a joking, serious/possibly not serious voice, "I don't think it's fair that you give me a hard on like that and do nothing about it."

If she's responding well you can place her hand on your ****. She may not submit to you and instead will look confused or give you a similar reaction as to what you got from P90 which is why you have to continually build the seduction with small conversations like the one you had in the grocery store until she feels as if she is a Sex Goddess who can fulfill your every whim and wants to.

If you're just starting out you will have to take it slow and use her responses as your guides. The more subtle you are to begin with, the better her response.

Seduction is about making the other person feel intense, not made to feel self conscious. Unless you have all the aspects in play you will continue to get your wife's feedback to your suggestions to mimic those of a woman who feels insecure with her own body and has no idea why you'd be interested.
 
#22 ·
For seduction I think there has to be subtle conflict and intense emotions built up to create a sense of sexual friction.

An example: If your wife had interaction with any man. Say you're at the grocery store and she gets help from the clerk and you comment on how he is checking her out. If this happened you could say something along the lines of, "Why was that guy checking you out?"

Now she might feel that you're being ridiculous but your slight jealousy and notice of her as a woman will stir emotions for her. Then you can follow your comment up with a physical touch of some sort. A light slap on the bum or an arm around her waist (arm around her waist if she's not use to a lot of physical touch from you) and then say, "You're mine." -or if this is too much for her- you can say something jokingly but firm in the form of a question but said as a statement...like, "Doesn't he know you're mine." Then let it go.

Now later on that evening you can re-bring up the emotions you stirred and have it lead to more physical touch. So you say something like, "Why do you look so good in those *fill in the blank with whatever she was wearing that you found attractive during the day*? ....

Make eye contact with her and say something along the lines of (again, not in a serious psycho voice but rather a joking, serious/possibly not serious voice, "I don't think it's fair that you give me a hard on like that and do nothing about it."

If she's responding well you can place her hand on your ****. She may not submit to you and instead will look confused or give you a similar reaction as to what you got from P90 which is why you have to continually build the seduction with small conversations like the one you had in the grocery store until she feels as if she is a Sex Goddess who can fulfill your every whim and wants to.

If you're just starting out you will have to take it slow and use her responses as your guides. The more subtle you are to begin with, the better her response.

Seduction is about making the other person feel intense, not made to feel self conscious. Unless you have all the aspects in play you will continue to get your wife's feedback to your suggestions to mimic those of a woman who feels insecure with her own body and has no idea why you'd be interested.
Excellent Excellent Post, Love all of this ! A "little" jealousy --it can really STIR the emotions -and work wonders, so long as neither spouse is threatened by it and sees it for what it is-- and uses it to flatter the other, uplift them in a teasing way.

I also dont feel you are disgusting, not at all, you are doing the best you can desite some real hangups in your wife.
 
#14 ·
Nothing wrong with surprising her with a little wine and a a picnic. Let her have a glass or two so that her guard is not completely up (not suggesting you get drunk and romp though as she will feel taken advantage of and most likely pissed the next day!).

But, you can then always...
-Brush your hand across her cheek.
-Tell her she is beautiful while looking her in the eyes.
-Take her hand and squeeze lightly before letting go
-Suggest a walk and reach for her hand while you are walking
-Listen to her carefully and pick up her wants and then fulfill them. Example...she says, "I always wanted one of those." The next day purchase it, wrap it up and surprise her with it.

Runs Like Dog is absolutely right...seduction is the whispers that speak to us quietly, softly and thrill us.
 
#20 ·
Trenton,

I wasn't suggesting that naked P90 was seductive, just more playful but thanks I may try some of your suggestions.

Undertheradar,

I have done that often over the years to no affect. Now money is more of an issue. But even now on her birthday I offered to send her for a day at the spa to no avail.

WhiteRabbit,

Tried something similar. She has been anti-licking for a while now, though she is slowly starting to come back around to it.

Back to Trenton,

I do almost all of those things. While I haven't suggested the walk, if we are in the mall or whatever I usually take her hand. As for her wants, that is a hard one. She is very low maintenance and will rarely ever even mention wanting anything. :(

I offer to give her massages without the fear of it leading to sex and she turns that down too..

Maybe I'm just disgusting... :(
 
#21 ·
You're not disgusting! It sounds like you're doing everything right to me and your wife has issues with self worth.

Is it possible her low maintenance is tied to her self confidence as well? Maybe she believes she doesn't deserve all the things you do for her or to want/desire things?

You really can't fix this for someone else though. You'd need to get her to want to figure out why she feels this way when she has a man who loves and, it sounds like, adores her.
 
#30 ·
I am not familar with your story, but why do you stay. I would seriously leave someone who had NO desire for me, making me feel less about myself AND refused counseling, I would be making a planned exit. It would simply be too frustrating (like your user name - I feel for you!) and heart breaking to remain in this state of hoping, praying, wishing, all attemps on your end, nothing on hers, I would be dreaming of another who did not have these uncaring tendencies and sexually closed cold fish hang ups.

Life is too short.

Can you live the rest of your days and nights without desire? Many do it, but are they happy??
 
#32 ·
Of course there is that chance and I worry about it. Yes, I believe we have a great marriage and she tells me we do to. Yes, we are the best of friends. There really isn't anything I cannot talk to her about (except for maybe my filthy fantasies :)). We do just about everything together, though we do also have our own interests. In fact she just went to California for a week for her sisters 50th b-day party without me and the kids.

I do not know that she has cheated and I highly doubt it, there are zero signs to that. I'm telling you she has nothing that turns her on. (And again it is possibly just me). But she rarely even mentions an attractive actor or anything.
 
#27 ·
My absolute favorite is sexting throughout the day until we are both ready to jump each other the second I get home from work. I've told her how much I want her to talk dirty to me, and I think she is working on it. Yesterday she txtd me, "I am naked under my clothes," and I took that and ran with it. It was quite titillating!
 
#31 ·
candlelight + sexy music channel on Pandora (take your pick, 'smooth jazz,' 'Isaac Hayes,' 'love songs' or anything Brazillian works for us) is great. Also easy to set up; light the candles and load it up on your laptop within seconds while she is in the shower.
 
#35 ·
Common theme on this forum, I feel for every one of you, every last one, I think you are all saints and your wives (or husbands) are blessed as the morning sun that you stay with them. They don't realize what YOU are giving up -just to stay with them. I couldn't do it, I would fall into an affair if I tried, I would have to get out. And then we could still "be friends".

Not sure how you find contentment in this, religion may be an answer. Other hobbies to consume you -to keep you busy, taking a drug to suppress your sex drive (a low drive wife's husband did this for her, her thread in the sex forum). How sad that would be.

Can you live out your life this self-less for another? And what about resentment, how is this not building within you?

I guess so long as you can ward off the resentment and realize this is HER -and not take this too personally. But IF staying married (under these desireless circumstances) leads to a man or woman needing depression drugs to cope or feeling so low about themselves, destroying any self-worth they once had, these spouses have miserably failed them somewhere along the line.

Depends on how strong you are I guess. I would be too weak to deal with it, and too selfish too put up with it. Maybe you are made of something else. Very Honorable but I always ask --at what cost?
 
#39 ·
SA,

I don't know if I can live like this. As someone else pointed out in my Open Marriage thread, do I really have it that bad? I see how awfully some of the husbands and wives are treated on here and it just blows my mind that they stay. I did get tempted by a woman last summer and that scared me. Not only for my marriage but for my own integrity.

Please none of you get me wrong, I am no saint either. I can be a moody, depressive, pain in the arse so it isn't like she has it made! :) And I'm no Brad Pitt in the looks department either. :D
 
#41 ·
Undertheradar,

I think you have hit the nail on the head with being totally geared towards the family life. I have backed off quite a bit but I can't do 100%, I just don't seem capable. :( I don't want to play games, I don't want to leave.

As for her being an aggressor. Prior to children, totally. In the last 7-9 years, it is me.
 
#42 ·
Ok, this is a good start.
Don't back off 100%, try to understand what she may be feeling.
Even though I'm a man, there was a time when I gained weight, business slowed down, and I didn't feel good about myself. I couldn't look friends in the face, nevermind hold my head up high as a man to my wife.
Your wife reminds me of so many wives in my inner circle of friends. It's very common.
As far as what you're feeling, you're expecting something from your wife, that she may not be capable of at the moment. Woman has the highest regard for how they feel about themselves. If she doesn't feel good about herself, she's not giving in to you,.. Period.

Does she have a desire to wear nice clothes?
Are you struggling finncially, to a point wear she's wearing old clothes every day?
Maybe you need to coax her out of her "family mode" slowly. Back off YOUR needs for a while, and see if you can fill some of hers.

BTW... My 50 yr old friends all have the same complaint. Their 50 yr old wives "lost it". I say it doesn't have to be that way.
I'm 52, and a tiger.
My wife is 37, and she still cheated on me, regardless.
So I say, respect your wife for all the wonderful qualities you describe, and help her through whatever it is you want from her.
 
#44 ·
Undertheradar,

No we are not that bad off financially we just spend a LOT on our childrens gymnastics. And the rest of your points are part of my problem. She tells me that all of her needs are met. If she tells me this and I can't see anything blatant that is missing, how the heck do I know what to concentrate on if she is really missing something???

MWIL,

Oh if only she were that "easy"... :p
 
#49 ·
Gift certificate for a new bra and panties from a lingerie shop. One that will do a proper fitting and make sure she gets the right fit. For the nearly-naked P90... :)

I don't know about other women, but for me a good fitting new bra goes a long way towards the great 40+ body after 3 kids.

A chick-fit tee shirt and some new workout shorts too.

If she spends a lot of time at gymnastics watching the kids in the evening at classes in a viewing area, one thing I saw that goes a LONG way in the esteem department is to have hubby bring in a nice salad meal and iced coffee from a nearby cafe. Delivered with a kiss on the neck, by your most attractive self. Then ask if there is anything else she wants, such as specific chores done around the house or dinner on the table, errands run, etc. before she gets home.

How it works is that after you leave, there will be many many nice things said about you by the other women...

If you are already doing this and it has fallen short, my condolences.
 
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