Undertheradar

That's a good question. I'm not good at "curb kicking". I'm backing off as much as i could.
I'm as confused as se is now. I don't know HOW to break this relationship. If leave, it's easy for me and the children. If SHE leaves, it's difficult for the children, and she won't be able to financially make it, without substantial support from me. I'm not sure, I can support two households in that capacity.

magnoliagal

Is she working pt or ft? The capacity isn't the issue if she has to live in a crappy apartment then so be it. Could you/her afford one of those long term hotels with furniture kinda places? Make her pay for most of it. Thats what my friend did when she kicked her husband out. Only took 6 weeks before he decided counseling wasn't such a bad idea after all. LOL!! That separation was the best thing that could have ever happened to him. He was being a jerk and needed a wake up call.

turnera

Why are you making your decision based on how comfy she will be?

SHE is throwing away the marriage, not you. Tell her you're going to help her pack her bags this weekend and help her line up a new place to stay. End of story.

magnoliagal

Yep I agree wholeheartedly. Time to go. Can she go live with her mom, a sister, a friend, someone other than you? She wants out let her out.

8yearscheating

Push push push. It's his decision let him make it. Set the boundaries, tell her the consequences for not sticking to them and set a time limit your comfortable with. She isn't in contact. What the hell is the rush to kick her to the curb?

magnoliagal

Because she's behaving awful, *****y, and putting undertheradar through hell. She has no remorse for her EA and is hell bent on punishing UR for ending it. She also keeps stating she has no feelings for him AND that she doesn't want to be married. She is just staying for the kids.

How many more reasons does he need to kick her to curb?

Undertheradar

Thanks Magnolia. I agree with you.

The end of a day today.....

I've been keeping everyone up to date. Today, I woke up feeling rather "empty", and it turned out to be a blessing for me. She did her thing, I did my thing, there was nothing in between. I didn't feel like talking to her, and she tried talking to me.

I don't have to kick her to the curb. I don't like doing things that way. I just have to go through the process of detachment. She doesn't want to be with me...I'm gradually accepting it. I do expect to have an occasional step back, but in the long run, I will adapt to NOT including her in my daily thought process. In time, she won't have to make a decision, nor will I. It will just happen.
I had one conversation this morning. She asked me how I feel about "things". I explained that she could stay here, with the understanding that it's over. I don't to stay for the kids, I want her to work WITH me on an exit plan. She didn't answer. I told her, she should be free in less than three months.
I spent the day rather quiet, and to my self. I didn't post much today, so I can clear my head a bit.

Tunera... The hatred is settling in. I feel that I didn't deserve the way she's been treating me for three months, and I decided today, that I have no right to forgive her. Let her have her glory.
I'm sure there's a woman out there, that would appreciate a man like me, and I intend to take that attitude with me, later on down the road.
I have plenty of life in me.

I do need to stay strong, and pay much more attention to the facts, and not get blind-sided by memories.

Undertheradar

She wouldn't give a sh*t if I put a gun to her head. Her mind is made up that the grass is greener, and she's going for it.

Trenton

I couldn't agree more.

Trenton

It sounds more as if she's struggling with feeling trapped by you and sees you as overbearing and uncaring of her feelings or what she wants out of life hence the feeling trapped by you.

Personally, my wife who is struggling in her own life and telling me she wants me out of our life asks me go to the beach and I'd go. I'd have the hope that it'd be a pleasant environment to get both sides out in a neutral ground and create positives in the "us" rather than the ongoing negatives. It's almost as if you're allowing your behavior to fuel her feelings of wanting to get out rather than halting them. Maybe this means you want out too but I think you should be honest with yourself.

Undertheradar

You're wrong about the beach thing. We've been doing lots of things together, and she would always remind me that she wants out. I lost interest in entertaining her.
She has been pounding my brain with her desires to be alone, and I've been taking it like a man.
I want to be on a beach with someone that truly enjoys my company.
Right now, she doesn't, and neither do I.

We need a "timeout". No question about it.
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Jellybeans

She desires being alone... then leave her alone. Give her ALL the freedom she wants.

Undertheradar

Yep....

Funny story from today....

She comes home from work, and tells me that she was offered a different position. It pays about 2.00 more per hour, and would give her stabilized hours too.
She felt like discussing it, and wanted my input.
( Oh, I see... I need hubby time)

So she shows me her new paycheck, to which I comment: "that's good", "it'll make life a little easier for you later on"
To which she commented "I'm not going anywhere".
I just walked out of the room, shaking my head.

To be honest.... I can't see how anyone can do what she's doing. This woman is either crazy or viscous, or both.
Just when you think you know someone..... You don't.

8yearscheating

You are antagonizing her and making her feel your completely done. You will get your wish if you keep it up. Quit playing games and start to work on healing both of you.

8yearscheating

Did you ever consider she is actually trying and it's not a conspiracy? You have become jaded. If your done, file.