My heart breaks with each post I read. You are not alone, though I know that doesn't make your life any better. I could only imagine the hurt that an affair bring, but trying to get through it myself, I know it is crippling, to say the least .
If you honestly have no hope of good custody of the kids, then you have one chance IMO of saving your marriage - either you leaving or her leaving.
My heart has been telling me this for quite some time. I know this. Unfortunately, I'm having a very hard time accepting it. Deejo is 100% right too. I also know that no matter how nice she may appear, it'll never be right.
Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I feel as if something deep down has broken through, and a new emotion has taken over today.
I can't describe how I feel, but if I have to guess, I feel as if I've been defeated.
It's been about a week, and I basically went into "it is what it is" mode. For me, that's a good thing, because it'll allow me to deal with it much easier.
Well anyway... My last conversation with her was last week. She acted "biatchy" all day, and once again reminded me that she was there just for the kids. She went as far as telling me (again), that she no longer loved me. I said "OK that's fine, an I politely told her I wanted no part of it, and I would prefer that she just leave. I explained to her, that I deserve much more than that, and she's had enough time to either see that she wants her married life, or would prefer otherwise. I explained that I had no intention of staying in an "empty marriage".
I told her I would help her pack her bags. She refused to go, so I told her we should consider selling the house, and coming to an amicable arrangement. She rolled her eyes, and went to sleep.
I haven't spoken to her since.
Anyway, this morning I get a call from her, asking if I would lke to go before a counselor. She explained that it would allow us to have a better understanding of what's going on. I agreed, and told her that she would have to be proactive, and look for someone that she would be comfortable with. She agreed.
She also said she didn't mean what "she said". Of course, she wouldn't tell me what she was specifically talking about, but I guess she probably thought it hurt me, when she said she didn't love me.
I kinda "got the hint by now" anyway, so I was OK with it.
Honestly.... I'll roll with this, but I'm not sure how much effort I want to put into someone that no longer loves me. I'm seriously getting to a point where I feel as if I've given it my best, and I would prefer to separate and give our marriage a test. I work with a matrimonial attorney, and she agreed to draw a stipulation agreement, that would clearly indicate a mutual separation, without the implications of abandonment.
FWIW... The whole scene became tiring, and I simply lost interest.
It is, what it is.
Also, FWIW...... I feel terrific. I'm no longer feeling sad or defeated. I feel that I've reached a point where I have to accept the things I cannot change, nor will I settle for the things I do not enjoy.
I convinced myself that's it's all not worth it, and I'll let the chips fall as they may.
"I dont love you and am only here for the kids yeah but let's go to counselling and I didn't mean what I said and let's draw up a mutual sep. agreement."
What in the f-ck?
I would address all of this at MC if you go. She is yanking you around. And I don't like it.
Yep, she has been all along. I was taking it, and going with it for almost 4 months. It was hurting the crap out of me, and now I realize that I don't have to hurt anymore. I'm not getting myself nuts over this.
She's now grasping at straws. She wants the MC ONLY to justify herself to me. I know her like a book.
Jellybeans...... I sense the frustration from you, and you can only imagine what I've been feeling.
She's acting lilke a spoiked brat, who's mad because "daddy" told her she can't go out to bars, and text her male co workers all day.