I've decided that my home is where I belong. And if she's so unhappy, well then, the best punishment, is for her to have to live with me.
It amazes me how she makes it her business to remind me every day, how honest she's being when she tells me she has no feelings for me.
Tonight, I actually laughed at her, and told not to bother..... I got the message. We both agreed to stay for the kids. I told her I would play along...
So crazy.... I siad to her: do you want me to leave? SHe looked at me with sad eyes, and shook her head no.
I asked her if she wanted to leave? I told her she could take all the financial security she needed. She looked at me the same way, and said no.
I said then WTF do you want... Answer, you know how I feel.
Okaaayyy.
It doesn't matter. I decided today, that it's best for me to begin the emotional break. It took a while, but I believe that my wife simply doesn't want me. Period. I'll deal with it.
I didn't believe her. I honestly thought that she was going through an identity crisis. I guess I was wrong.
She's gone. We're done.
I'll just continue to ride it out, until the pain of divorce won't be as severe.
Last night, I was playing with my kids. I was having a good time, the kids were laughing.
At one point, she looked at me, and said "I hate myself for what I'm doing" "I wish I didn't feel this way". ( another reminder)
I simply responded "sorry, I can't help you"
Tunera,
Is SAHM a Stay at Home Mom?
If that's it, Yes.
Not sure if you recall much of the story....
My wife got her first job, since we're together, about 8 months ago. At that point, everything was fine.
As soon as she started making new friends, and new interests, she forgot she had a husband.
THEN, she became very close to some male co-worker, and started going shopping with him, lunch dates, and even asked if I would mind if they went to the movies together.
She had told me ( at the time, he was very "girlie"). I said I didn't mind her having a "best friend, even though it was a "he"). What I didn't know, is that they were texting and laughing together from 8am until midnight, ALL DAY, 7 days a week. They exchanged 16,000 texts in less than three months.
It was during THIS VERY PERIOD, that I can DIRECTLY relate to the loss of my wife's attention (obviously)
I ultimately put this text affair to an end.
However, I managed to get my hands on many texts exchanged (technology), and all they did was joke around all day about co-workers, called each other silly name like "knucklehead, and goof ball" it's almost as if my wife, became a 15 yr old again. There were NO exchanges of passion, nor did they even mention a PA, or anything related. They were acting like little kids.
So this EA, was not typical in a sense, where it could have led to a PA, it was more as if this EA, gave my wife a simple humorous fulfillment, that she wasn't getting from me.
SInce I stopped it, she's been saying and doing all the things that's been going on between us. 3 months of it, so far.
She fell in some kind of strong "feelings" her own words.
How can she love me? She HATES me for breaking them up.
I know in my heart, that's a big part of everything going on.
I'm a sahm. I'm glad you aren't moving out just yet. I've known your story but having it summed up like that makes me wonder if she isn't in mourning. She got a taste of an EA, got a taste of single life, new interests, got to forget she had a husband and kids. That's some heady stuff for a homemaker. I could see me falling into that trap easily if I wasn't careful. It's like a drug. And I've seen a few sahm's get addicted to that drug.
The reason she keeps reminding you that she has no feelings sounds almost robotic and depressed more so than as a dig towards you. You are just in the cross fire because you are the one who took her candy away.
"At one point, she looked at me, and said "I hate myself for what I'm doing" "I wish I didn't feel this way". ( another reminder)
I simply responded "sorry, I can't help you"
What you said was very good. Not engaging her emotionally is good. She's an adult and is making her choices. There is nothing you can do about her choices, so fighting her or pleading with her won't help. Keep your focus on the kids. Remind your wife how much you love the kids. This is your family and you are loving them to the best of your abilities. (the same goes for your wife, really. you wanted the best for the marriage when you objected to the emotional affair). I agree that playing the roommate gets old after a while, but playing the role of 'every other weekend dad' gets older much faster.
It could be true that she is mourning that taste of the single life she got. Don't feel bad about objecting to the friendship. That much time and energy spent on someone outside the marriage (be it friend, sibling, child or parent) is destructive to the marriage. People need friends outside the marriage, but there is a limit as to how much time you can dedicate to those relationships and still keep your marriage healthy.
Does she still have contact with the EA? Did you communicate that it was not the friendship you objected to but the amount of time/energy spent outside the marriage? (not that it would be a good idea now. I'm just asking).
It might be good for you to go to a counselor by yourself. You will need emotional support and advice and we're just not professionals on this forum. You may have to try a few counselors to find a good fit. If your wife ever wants to come along, be open to that, but don't invite her.
Don't seek a random marriage counselor with your wife, either. My husband and I did premarital counseling and left our first counselor because he was downright hostile to my husband. Any issues we had were automatically my husband's fault because he was 'controlling' (Couldn't be farther from the truth). Find a good counselor on your own.
I'm a sahm. I'm glad you aren't moving out just yet. I've known your story but having it summed up like that makes me wonder if she isn't in mourning. She got a taste of an EA, got a taste of single life, new interests, got to forget she had a husband and kids. That's some heady stuff for a homemaker. I could see me falling into that trap easily if I wasn't careful. It's like a drug. And I've seen a few sahm's get addicted to that drug.
The reason she keeps reminding you that she has no feelings sounds almost robotic and depressed more so than as a dig towards you. You are just in the cross fire because you are the one who took her candy away.
"At one point, she looked at me, and said "I hate myself for what I'm doing" "I wish I didn't feel this way". ( another reminder)
I simply responded "sorry, I can't help you"
What you said was very good. Not engaging her emotionally is good. She's an adult and is making her choices. There is nothing you can do about her choices, so fighting her or pleading with her won't help. Keep your focus on the kids. Remind your wife how much you love the kids. This is your family and you are loving them to the best of your abilities. (the same goes for your wife, really. you wanted the best for the marriage when you objected to the emotional affair). I agree that playing the roommate gets old after a while, but playing the role of 'every other weekend dad' gets older much faster.
It could be true that she is mourning that taste of the single life she got. Don't feel bad about objecting to the friendship. That much time and energy spent on someone outside the marriage (be it friend, sibling, child or parent) is destructive to the marriage. People need friends outside the marriage, but there is a limit as to how much time you can dedicate to those relationships and still keep your marriage healthy.
Does she still have contact with the EA? Did you communicate that it was not the friendship you objected to but the amount of time/energy spent outside the marriage? (not that it would be a good idea now. I'm just asking).
It might be good for you to go to a counselor by yourself. You will need emotional support and advice and we're just not professionals on this forum. You may have to try a few counselors to find a good fit. If your wife ever wants to come along, be open to that, but don't invite her.
Don't seek a random marriage counselor with your wife, either. My husband and I did premarital counseling and left our first counselor because he was downright hostile to my husband. Any issues we had were automatically my husband's fault because he was 'controlling' (Couldn't be farther from the truth). Find a good counselor on your own.
That's the bad part.. They still work together. They are still friends, but do not text, nor do they pursue the friendship. They say hello to each other, they talk at work, but no more lovey dovey talk.
He's scared crap of me, and that's why she hates me for this. There is NO WAY, he's coming near her.
He met the worst, scariest side of me, alive and in person. He got the message.... whether he's girlie or not.
I walked into job, and saw them talking. I confronted both, and she explained that they made peace, because they have to work together. I gave them my blessing. I told them to be friends, It was OK with me.
I figured I'd give them rope to hang themselves.
She feels controlled, and she hates me for it.
I know what's going on here. If he wasn't there to remind her everyday, she'd be OK.
She took a week off, and she was the wife of old. She went back to work, and she remembered everything.
I think if you can't answer the questions I asked you're hardly in it anymore than she is.
You ask for an interpretation but what you really want to do is rant about how horrible your wife is.
I get that you're confused and hurt but I don't feel your wife had an EA. I feel she had a LA (life assessment) and in doing so she recognized that she feels she was short changed. Whether or not she was actually short changed matters little at this point until she's willing to see what's going on for what it actually is.
In the meantime, she obviously feels you're directly responsible for short changing her life.
You can talk to attorneys, seek solace and support in strangers who call her crazy or work directly with her to rebuild your lives full of change...the kind of change that is positive and doesn't involve clinking around at the bottom of a purse.
I think if you can't answer the questions I asked you're hardly in it anymore than she is.
You ask for an interpretation but what you really want to do is rant about how horrible your wife is.
I get that you're confused and hurt but I don't feel your wife had an EA. I feel she had a LA (life assessment) and in doing so she recognized that she feels she was short changed. Whether or not she was actually short changed matters little at this point until she's willing to see what's going on for what it actually is.
In the meantime, she obviously feels you're directly responsible for short changing her life.
You can talk to attorneys, seek solace and support in strangers who call her crazy or work directly with her to rebuild your lives full of change...the kind of change that is positive and doesn't involve clinking around at the bottom of a purse.
You could be right about her. I don't think she had an EA, what she did do, is make a friend that consumed 20 hours a day of laughter away from her marriage.
As far as ranting about my bad wife. .. That's not true. I'm sick over this, and trying my hardest to analyze the situation. Something happened, and I honestly don't know what it is.
All I know is that my wife, wants something out of her life, but it does not include what she's had for 15 years.
As soon as she got this job, and as soon as she made her "friend", she was gone.
Could it be a LA? Sure can. How can I know this?
She came home the day I ended her NON- EA, 16,000 text marathon over 2.5 months, and told me our marriage was over.
What would you think?
I type "period" a lot out of frustration.
I love my wife. I look at her, and desire her in ways, many women wish their men would. But it hurts, knowing that she's willing to stay with me, but it's an empty presence.
At this point, I've decided that it's best I give up. I honestly don't feel as if I have a chance, and for whatever reasons she has, it's time I simply accept it.
Whether or not I like the current situation is irrelevant. It will play itself out in the long run.
I never thought I'd have to force myself to fall out of love with my wife. It seems like the only solution.
Re: Interpret this ladies.... 
