Undertheradar

Hey, I'm here, because I didn't know how to handle my situation. And that reason still stands

Do you honestly think I ever heard of an EA or a PA before?
I have 15 years of good habits embedded in my soul. I do have respect for myself..... Just never expected her to have so little respect for me.

Runs like Dog

16000/month is 44/hr 12hrs a day 7 days a week.

Undertheradar

16k over a three month period.
A little over 5K a month

turnera

Have you read the book Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend? That's a good place to start learning how to enforce your boundaries lovingly.

Undertheradar

This woman will never accept boundaries. She wouldn't respect not talking to a co worker for 20 hours a day, and you think she'll respond to boundaries?
Never happen. We never had rules, and we were happy.
She found a new world, and she's living it. That's all
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Undertheradar

Oh, I 'll answer. I stepped into the lion's den, and I'll face the music.
I didn't come here to be pacified.

No, I have NOT given up on her. I think she may be going through something, and could wake up.
And before you jump all over that answer, YES, I do think I may be a bit naive to think that. So I'm just as confused.

Yes, I'm trying to convince myself that giving up is the only answer. There's always that little bit of hope that it'll end, but if after three months of hearing that "She's not sure what she wants", you'd think I'd get it.

I'm not sure I've done everything to fix my marriage. i'm still trying to figure what went wrong.

And finally, YES....my defense mechanism is kicking in to protect myself from the hurt of rejection.

I know in my heart that it's over. I'm hoping that in time, it'll become so played out, that it won't hurt as much.
That's why I'm sticking around...

1).. Hoping that maybe, just maybe she'll turn around. But I honestly don't see that happening.

2).. Hoping that I get so fed up with the pain she's putting me through, that I'll accept the inevitable much easier.

In case you're wondering what pain..... It's just the pain of hearing that a person simply doesn't want to be with you anymore.

I honestly wish she had a PA. I never wold have looked back. I couldn't live with that. But an EA with the dork she was talking too, was not enough to convince me.

Undertheradar

Ah yes... Now we get it

It sucks.

Listen to this nonsense......

Just called me to thank me for helping her today. She had a busy work schedule, and I juggled to make sure my little girls was accounted for at her field trip today. At the end of the conversation, I get "I don't know what I'd do without you" BS.
I told her, she was about to find out real soon.
She says ILY,and hangs up.
WTF is this maniac doing?

FWIW..... Many may think I'm obsessed with this and her. I'm not, trust me. I come HERE to talk about it. I don't even call her anymore. She asked me before, why I don't call her anymore... I made like I didn't hear her.

turnera

You don't understand what a boundary is (pst: go read the book).

A boundary is what YOU enforce around YOURSELF.

"If you raise your voice to me, I will leave the room."

What YOU will accept, and what YOU will do if the other person ignores the boundary.

turnera

You missed a good opportunity to explain your boundary to her. "You treat me like an employee rather than your husband, so I have removed myself from your presence until you can see me for what I am."

Undertheradar

OMG, I have to read the book. I feel that I need to learn to handle myself much better at the moment.

Undertheradar

I've already set this boundary

turnera

Boundary = teaching people how to treat us

Good for you for learning.

Jellybeans

Focus on the chapter that is called "The Boundary-Resistant Spouse."

turnera

It's best to keep to one thread, so people can see your whole history and give better advice. Where is it?

magnoliagal

I have their general boundary book and it's really good. So I second that recommendation.