Interpret this ladies.... - Page 6
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-06-2011, 12:57 PM   #76 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
Letting someone know you respect yourself enough not to be a doormat "being mean." It's enforcing boundaries.

Remember, if you don't respect yourself, nobody else will.
Hey, I'm here, because I didn't know how to handle my situation. And that reason still stands

Do you honestly think I ever heard of an EA or a PA before?
I have 15 years of good habits embedded in my soul. I do have respect for myself..... Just never expected her to have so little respect for me.
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-06-2011, 01:00 PM   #77 (permalink)
Member
 
Runs like Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 7,585
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

16000/month is 44/hr 12hrs a day 7 days a week.
Runs like Dog is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 01:12 PM   #78 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
16000/month is 44/hr 12hrs a day 7 days a week.
16k over a three month period.
A little over 5K a month
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 01:20 PM   #79 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 25,833
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Have you read the book Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend? That's a good place to start learning how to enforce your boundaries lovingly.
turnera is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 01:30 PM   #80 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

This woman will never accept boundaries. She wouldn't respect not talking to a co worker for 20 hours a day, and you think she'll respond to boundaries?
Never happen. We never had rules, and we were happy.
She found a new world, and she's living it. That's all
Posted via Mobile Device
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 01:54 PM   #81 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteRabbit View Post
You protest too much...I get the vibe that you are trying hard to fool yourself into believing you've done everything you can possibly do to fix your end of the marriage.I also feel you are pushing yourself to stop feeling things for her so you don't fall apart over this.


Have you truly given up on her? OR are you trying to convince yourself you've given up so her rejection doesn't hurt as much?You don't have to answer that...just putting it out there for thought.
Oh, I 'll answer. I stepped into the lion's den, and I'll face the music.
I didn't come here to be pacified.

No, I have NOT given up on her. I think she may be going through something, and could wake up.
And before you jump all over that answer, YES, I do think I may be a bit naive to think that. So I'm just as confused.

Yes, I'm trying to convince myself that giving up is the only answer. There's always that little bit of hope that it'll end, but if after three months of hearing that "She's not sure what she wants", you'd think I'd get it.

I'm not sure I've done everything to fix my marriage. i'm still trying to figure what went wrong.

And finally, YES....my defense mechanism is kicking in to protect myself from the hurt of rejection.

I know in my heart that it's over. I'm hoping that in time, it'll become so played out, that it won't hurt as much.
That's why I'm sticking around...

1).. Hoping that maybe, just maybe she'll turn around. But I honestly don't see that happening.

2).. Hoping that I get so fed up with the pain she's putting me through, that I'll accept the inevitable much easier.

In case you're wondering what pain..... It's just the pain of hearing that a person simply doesn't want to be with you anymore.

I honestly wish she had a PA. I never wold have looked back. I couldn't live with that. But an EA with the dork she was talking too, was not enough to convince me.
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 02:01 PM   #82 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteRabbit View Post
I'm sorry

There are no easy solutions or answers for what you're feeling. Nothing about this is cut n dry.
Ah yes... Now we get it

It sucks.

Listen to this nonsense......

Just called me to thank me for helping her today. She had a busy work schedule, and I juggled to make sure my little girls was accounted for at her field trip today. At the end of the conversation, I get "I don't know what I'd do without you" BS.
I told her, she was about to find out real soon.
She says ILY,and hangs up.
WTF is this maniac doing?

FWIW..... Many may think I'm obsessed with this and her. I'm not, trust me. I come HERE to talk about it. I don't even call her anymore. She asked me before, why I don't call her anymore... I made like I didn't hear her.

Last edited by Undertheradar; 06-06-2011 at 02:12 PM.
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 02:16 PM   #83 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 25,833
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertheradar View Post
This woman will never accept boundaries. She wouldn't respect not talking to a co worker for 20 hours a day, and you think she'll respond to boundaries?
Never happen. We never had rules, and we were happy.
She found a new world, and she's living it. That's all
Posted via Mobile Device
You don't understand what a boundary is (pst: go read the book).

A boundary is what YOU enforce around YOURSELF.

"If you raise your voice to me, I will leave the room."

What YOU will accept, and what YOU will do if the other person ignores the boundary.
turnera is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 02:19 PM   #84 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 25,833
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertheradar View Post
She asked me before, why I don't call her anymore... I made like I didn't hear her.
You missed a good opportunity to explain your boundary to her. "You treat me like an employee rather than your husband, so I have removed myself from your presence until you can see me for what I am."
turnera is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 02:23 PM   #85 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
You missed a good opportunity to explain your boundary to her. "You treat me like an employee rather than your husband, so I have removed myself from your presence until you can see me for what I am."
OMG, I have to read the book. I feel that I need to learn to handle myself much better at the moment.
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 02:23 PM   #86 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
You don't understand what a boundary is (pst: go read the book).

A boundary is what YOU enforce around YOURSELF.

"If you raise your voice to me, I will leave the room."

What YOU will accept, and what YOU will do if the other person ignores the boundary.
I've already set this boundary
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 02:26 PM   #87 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 25,833
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Boundary = teaching people how to treat us

Good for you for learning.
turnera is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 03:56 PM   #88 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,382
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
Have you read the book Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertheradar View Post
This woman will never accept boundaries
Focus on the chapter that is called "The Boundary-Resistant Spouse."
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 07:21 PM   #89 (permalink)
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 25,833
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

It's best to keep to one thread, so people can see your whole history and give better advice. Where is it?
turnera is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-06-2011, 07:37 PM   #90 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Interpret this ladies....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertheradar View Post
OMG, I have to read the book. I feel that I need to learn to handle myself much better at the moment.
I have their general boundary book and it's really good. So I second that recommendation.
magnoliagal is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How would you interpret this message KanDo Coping with Infidelity 396 10-24-2013 10:27 PM
So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpoint. Trying2figureitout The Ladies' Lounge 239 07-02-2012 03:11 PM
Interpret where he was going with this NaturalHeart General Relationship Discussion 7 01-29-2012 12:48 AM
I'm a stupid man, can someone interpret? phfan_1 The Ladies' Lounge 4 03-20-2009 09:51 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:20 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage