I told her to take her sh*t and get the f*ck out. She looked at me bewildered. I said... yeh, that's right, get the f*ck out. Go hang out with your walmart, FB and txt friends. And make sure you wear the highest heels, so you can get the most attention!
YES YES YES!!! OMG I think I've been dying for you to say those words to her. Now if you only can mean it and not back down. Could be the best thing that ever happened to both of you.
WR, what has happened - if he sticks to his guns - is that he has now taken control of his marriage. If he wants her back, he can now set high standards for what he will accept. Such as insisting on marriage counseling, changing how they deal with each other, weekly relationship discussions, 20 hours a week of non-work/home related time together, filling out EN and LB questionnaires...he can request and demand a lot of WORK on her part, wherein she can come to learn exactly what she should be contributing and maybe even embrace it, and thank him for showing her the way to happiness together.
I've been taking it on the chin for 3 months, and very much afraid to react, out of fear of causing more damage.
As you can see, I didn't start this thread just to strike conversation. I came back morning noon and night for your wisdom, and knowledge, and absorbed as much as I could.
And I thank you for keeping your input coming.
I've been holding in my true feelings, because I felt that she may have been bluffing, and I didn't want to be the catalyst in our inevitable separation.
This morning, I saw a desperate fool. The power spell that she had over me, was lifted. She lost her full control, and her goal was to hurt me as much as possible. She wanted REVENGE for breaking her EA, and knew that I had a bullseye on my back, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.
I intend to keep you guys updated 100%.
*** I feel like I have a little video camera on my life**
I will take Magnolia, WR, and Turnera's advice to hold my own, and back off.
WR, my dear, you are 100% right. No matter what she says, I feel it's only for her security and convenience. I don't believe anything out of her mouth anymore.
I won't back down at this point.
LOL.... She's calling me as I write this, I won't even answer. If I had a dollar for every time I called her during the past few months, only to feel as if I invaded her space, I could retire.
Knowing her...She's calling me to see if "I'm OK". I'm fine. It's time she stew in her own pot!
I won't be bothered.
I have work to do. This nonsense ran its course with me for much longer than it should have.
I couldn't / wouldn't do anything because I honstly didn't know what to do. I guess that cup of coffee last night was fate.
If my marriage isn't over, well then SHE has a LONG road to prove to me otherwise. I feel real bitter right now.
Not sure I can trust her anymore.
Ok, that's what I wanted to hear. Never ever make life decisions when you are in an emotional state.
That's why I said step back and shut up and let things happen as they will. Don't throw away a marriage just because you're mad and fed up. If we did that every time we had an argument, no one would be married.
Let her prove herself to you. As you said, it will be a LONG road for her to do that. Let her. And if she chooses not to, you are no worse off than you are now.
Turnera is right. I almost threw my marriage away at year 7 because I was fed up and bitter. We worked through it and became stronger because of those hard times. Growth comes from bad times not the good ones.
My brain is muddled at the moment but I'm thinking direct is key. Say something like "oh no you can't just walk in here and expect me to just forget how you've treated me. I'm mad and I still want you to get the **** out. Go be with your friends. I'm done".
Also have, written down, a list of what you require from her to be able to consider staying married.
Until you have:
written OM (if appropriate) a No Contact letter that I approve and send myself
given me the passwords to your phone and computer
handed them over any time I ask for them without complaint, until I feel safe enough to quit triggering and asking
find and sign us up for the best marriage counseling you can find
attend said counseling for at least 6 months
actually done the homework given at said counseling such that we start to see mutual progress and a path to happiness
done enough soul searching that you come to realize that marriage takes work and I expect you to work at it just as much as me...
Until you have done these things, I think it's best we make plans to separate so I can find someone who DOES believe in these things.
LOL... She just called my office...
In the sweetest, kindest, most endearing voice, she asked me how my day was going.
She tried to initiate some small talk about her job. I told her I had to go, I was busy.
This woman wants to dish it out, but ignores what she gets back.
If there ever was a time where actions will speak louder than words, I know it's now.
That is funny. Who is running the show now? People can be so predictable sometimes. I know its easy for me to say this because I'm not in the middle of it like you are but still it's comical that she's trying to get back to her cake eating. Darn you for messing that up. You aren't supposed to kick her out you are supposed to just sulk and wallow for her while she plays at having her single life. Oh and take care of those pesky little things called "kids" while you are at it. Didn't you read the script she wrote?