I've been told I have a story for everything and I guess I do, so here's my story about this subject:
MY wife and I have been together for almost 10 years now and for the first five the thought of my wife masturbating never occurred to me. I don't and never really have, outside of doing it for my wife, because of an extremely strict Catholic upbringing. I have no problem with it. Well about five years ago my wife and I were working different hours and while she had off on the weekends I did not. So on Friday and Saturdays I would go to sleep around 10 at night. Our sex life was as it always was. So I woke up one night at two in the morning and she wasn't in bed. So I got up to she if everything was ok and found her at our computer. I came up behind her and she was so into what she was reading that I scared her. I asked her what was up and she just said she had come across it and was really turned on by it. A couple weeks later I found her doing the same thing and just didn't bother her about it. About two years later our teenage daughter happen to lave on the webcam on our computer and recorded my wife, so I had to talk to her about how, when and where she might want to be masturbating because I'm sure she would be mortified if one of our children caught her. I know she does it almost everyday and don't really have a problem with it.
I think that this guy is just worried that since his wife is "doing it herself" that he's not doing something right. Typical insecurities popping up.
My ex walked in on me taking care of myself in the shower once, he was furious! I didn't think anything of it at the time, just happened to be in the mood when I stepped in the shower, wasn't trying to offend him! Never did it again while he was home, might come home, or would possibly find out. FYI for the guys, way cut down on my sexual desire and ability to enjoy sex for some reason!
My current guy thinks it's hot, he's never caught me when I wasn't aware of him being there (still a little gunshy on that!) but he talks about it, likes to ask me to so he can watch. But he's not insecure in that area at all, and has a better grasp of what effort it takes to get a woman off, like he says, whatever makes me happy!
About six months ago around 2AM I awoke to my wife sort of shaking rhythmically in the bed. Being half asleep, I thought maybe she was scratching an itch or something (literally, not figuratively ). I paid it no mind the next day.
Then it happened again a few nights later. Then again a few nights after that. By this point, I suspect what's really going on and gently ask her about it. She looks genuinely astonished, so I again dismiss it. But it keeps happening, 2-3 nights out of the week. I'd bring it up occasionally, and she'd get first defensive, then angry, like starts telling me that's not what's happening and she wishes I'd just drop it sort of thing. So I do.
Now, for the last month, I've really upped my game with her, like to pre-marriage levels. She's responded incredibly well (turns out she likes sex, too, duh). So one night last week, we're laying in bed, and she says to me, "Hey Dave, that thing you think I do while I'm sleeping? Maybe the next time you wake up and you think I'm doing it, you should just take me. Like right then. That might be really hot."
I didn't say sh!t because quite frankly I'd have said the wrong damn thing. Instead, I thought "Very well." Now, like Chuck Norris, I do not sleep. I wait.
(FYI for the guys, way cut down on my sexual desire and ability to enjoy sex for some reason!) You hit the nail on the head just like I thought ComplicatedLifeGal. Does this hold true if you don't do it for a week or not. Can you give me a time frame. I'm just curious on your end to get a perspective on how things that are going on with my wife. I wanted for my wife to be interested on her having the big O and she said she wasn't interested in doing so ...just have me. Then after she said that she said I probably won't be interested in it tomorrow night either. I thought to myself you must be doing yourself in the shower. By the way does the hubby know it affects you in this way.
While my W was still in the midst of her EA we had gone down to a platonic level of relationship. We had not had sex in a couple of months and I walked in on her w/her toy in the shower and I was very upset.
Went to MC about it and she defended it, saying that some women just need a little release w/out all the trappings of a full-on sex session. My response was if I chose to watch porn and take care of myself instead of going to bed with a completely willing (any time) partner, I would totally be the bad guy in the scenario. Our MC, a woman, could not argue the point.
Now, as we are working on R if I walked in on that I'd offer to drive the device, rather than getting upset. I have no issue w/a person taking care of their needs, but not at the exclusion of or detriment of their partner. Just my thoughts.