the ultimate betrayal one after another

sniffles1 · 10-18-2008, 12:30 PM

This is gonna be long i will shorten as much as i can but theres so much to tell.

my husband and i before we got married had known each other for more than 20 years. We got together by chance as both of us had wanted to for many years but i was married then he got married then i got divorced and so did he anyhow we started off great finding out we both had loved each other for a long time but never told the other. We dated for 6 months and got married because we felt we knew everything about the other. Boy was i mistaken. during our dating he told me that at one time he had worked as a female impersonator and i was always intreged by that i thought it was so cool. well he neglected to tell me that he was a cross dresser until we had been married for more than 6 months the thing that hurt the most is that everyone he had ever dated or married until this point he told within a week of dating me he didnt deam it necessary i guess until we were married. Then i ended up with a dr because i have chronic migrains who over dosed me on narcotics for several months and completely took my life away i dont know if anyone has ever done that before but you so fast get to the point that you dont feel the effects so you dont notice how you are acting or even that its different than norm so during this time he cheated on me he said it was my fault because i wasnt available everyone tells me i was available but he said i wasnt i after realizing that i did not want to be on meds anymore cold turkeyd off them all i got back to the old me except for the fact that i lost a large part of my memory and my ability to retain things so i cant do the high paying jobs i had been doing for 20 years. we made it through all of this and went on to have a good marriage for over a year and then all the sudden he started hidding things from me and lying to me all the time i found out that he had been abused as a child and has a lot of baggage and it seems that i am the bouncing post i guess he started going to counseling for this to get it out and deal with it our third anniversary is halloween this year he moved out about a month ago in with a friend and said hes not sure if he wants to be married anymore just like that we have had no sex for months at a time that used to be incredible but he still wont have it he said he has anamosities toward things i do and lets them build up until the attractions for me is not there instead of talking to me about it. i dont know what to do i love him so much and i have forgiven so much and this isnt even the 1/2 of it and he decideds he doesnt want to be married i dont get it.

can anyone give some advice to help me understand

cheewagacheewaga · 10-18-2008, 10:41 PM

Basically you rushed into marriage and you're finding all these dark secrets. He needs professional help, especially since he was abused as a child and all that. If he doesn't want to work on the marriage, then it's over. You should just divorce again and move on. Next time, don't rush into marriage! As contradictory as this sounds, don't trust your feelings. They get in the way of your rational thoughts, as well as those medications you got overdosed on.

sniffles1 · 10-19-2008, 08:55 PM

you are so right i did rush and after saying i would never marry again for 10 years straight after the first abusive marriage. i have literally decided that if this doesnt work i dont want to even date anymore its always such a heartbrake in the end and it always ends. He was in counseling for months and you know it almost made it worse more often than better which is sad. thanks for the reply

Blanca · 10-19-2008, 10:14 PM

Sounds like he has a lot of baggage. If you stay, you will certainly be lonely, and after everything you sacrifice for him there's a high chance he will still want to leave. He's very confused.