I wonder how true this is....I think when a person feels especially cared for & loved through
"Acts of Service" ...these sort of arguments & misunderstandings take place more so...as they are more sensitive to it's LACK.....just as a
time or
touch person would be especially sensitive to feeling her H doesn't spend enough time with her.. or wasn't AFFECTIONATE enough...
Also when a couple is so swamped, TOO BUSY, STRESSED, feeling pulled in every direction, cant fit enough time in the day..(we live in a very fast paced society even with all the modern conveniences)... many times 1
or both begin to feel their load IS heavier...
On top of this.. if a couple is not
showing appreciation in the little things along their journey together ....one will start to feel "taken for granted".. this eats at people.. It would ME TOO !....
Little gestures go a long way...
Anon1111 said: My take is that if you're going to help out, it has to be because you actually want to help out. If you've got another agenda for helping out, its actually worse than doing nothing.
It's another one of those "it's the thought that counts" things mostly.
Motivation and attitude can not be underestimated.....Speaking on "the thought"/ the little things.... we had a Party at our house last night.. we always park our vehicles up a hillside on the other side of our property -out of the way.. so when guests come... they can park closer to our house.. (easy on them, less vehicle congestion)..... my H worked a 16 hr back to back shift the night before...got home , only had a few hrs sleep before this party began.. had to get up again this morning 6am to be there at 7....(I always get up with him to get his breakfast, pack his lunch - I want to be a help to him)..even if I stayed up too late, that's on me.
Now he's the one who needs to get to work.... I have ALL day (he knew I planned to go to the movies later)... he walked out telling me he was bringing the car down for me... I just stood there & thought.. "Gawd I love that man!".... he goes the extra mile ... HE DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT.. I was the one with all the extra TIME.. I didn't work a double yesterday, I am not working today.. but still he
wanted to do this for me...
I have the same mindset in regards to him. I WANT his life to be as carefree as I can make it. ...WHY.. so we'll have more time to spend together !! (after all we are both TIME & TOUCHERS).... I thanked him for doing that.. telling him how wonderful he is...
These little things go a long long way ..in relation to our attitude.....a little validation/ words of affirmation.. it's encouraging!@#$ .....makes us feel like we're on the same team..
I have never looked upon sex in any way related to my H doing ANY of my housework.. If anything.. I've thanked him for how I've never had
to be a NAG ...he's always been one to "get on it" when something NEEDED Done..
Even when I worked almost as many hrs as he did...I would be more apt to CHASE him away from doing housework chores of any kind... (unless I was sick for days or in the hospital having a baby...I've always told him... don't let the kids destroy the house, I want to see it in the same order I left it when we bring our bundle of joy home).....he always made sure this was the case & I was happy..
I don't want to see my husband waste his time helping me.. when he could be concentrating on
heavier tasks that require Strength & know how that I just don't posses -where if I was single , I'd have to hire a Handy man/ Mechanic to do ....
.that's what I WANT FROM HIM.. ..beings we try to hold on to stuff till it's dead.. like older cars, etc.. our Gravely mover is from the 70's ... the tractor deck shattered the other day, metal too thin to weld at this point, had to buy another ...he has to put that on....I can't do those things!....
So yeah.. the mundane cleaning/ cooking, scheduling kids, all of it..that's my domain...I want to do all I can possibly DO to hold my end ... this helps our lives run smoother....then he has more time & energy to have sex
with me..or I'd be complaining !@#
... ..it's unfortunate when the scales ARE tipped too much on one side & the other just CAN'T see it.. this could be either a Lax husband or a Lax wife.. I've seen both...and sometimes a family may need to downsize how much they have on their plates too...if possible.