hotpepper1979

Any advice would be great. I will keep it brief so all are not affraid to read.

My adorable husband takes things personal that he shouldnt. Like the way I take my eggs. I do not understand how this can happen. He acts as though by my not liking something or prefering something diffrent than he, that it is some insult to his man-hood. Can any one offer me practical advice on how to get him to see that none of this is a reflection of what he is or who I think he is?

mamab

I would say that his parents were probably very controlling and he feels the need to have your approval. My suggestion would be to get him to a counselor, or speak with your pastor, if you go to church.

hotpepper1979

mamab,
Here is part of the reason that it is so hard for me to understand. He has no childhood indicators of why he would feel this way. For example I was yelled at by my dad as a child, and now I cannot handle people raising there voice to me. That is what I consider a childhood indicator. Somtehing that was learned when he was a child that would trigger this sort of responce. This leaves me confused and concerned that it is a pattern that may not be fixable. We have seen a counselor, however I dont belive that the approch of the therapist was what we needed. We both ended up feeling like he wad quielty, passivly wondering if we should be together.

lisakifttherapy

lisakifttherapy

Sometimes "childhood indicators" are not easily identified. Problematic messages from parents not only come directly (abuse, yelling) but sometimes more indirectly. He seems to personalize the things you do, however trivial. I'd wonder how he does with "validation" or "empathy" for you...how does he do with putting himself in your shoes in other areas?

janus76

everbody like and does things different we would be boring if we were all the same he needs to know that different isnt wrong

hotpepper1979

lisakifttherepy,
Yes, he does have a very hard time putting himself in other shoes in general. He is very sensative and tends to focus more on his pain than looking outside himself.

riskey58

I believe that there are never two people that think alike on everything. I think the difference of opinion makes a marriage stsay alive. The thing is you just have to know how to deal with it and move on.

draconis

Could you give an exaple of the problem you are talking about?

draconis