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My dream girl (must haves in a partner)

7K views 67 replies 23 participants last post by  pragmaster 
#1 · (Edited)
Hey everyone,

I was doing some reading the other day and found an article relating to defining your needs and boundaries for relationships and how it helps you in the dating world find that ultimate partner.

I was wondering if someone could go over my list and help me out. I'm looking for a woman to love and one day marry and have kids with. I am wondering if I am being too picky and wanted some feedback on this list.

The other day I met a woman and was totally blown away. She passed with flying colors on my checklist, but I don't think she was that into me. Still, she was the closest in a while to a woman I could see myself being with and it made me feel really confident about finding my dream girl in the near future.

Feel free to post your own must/must not have qualities:


Qualities I must have in a woman:

420 friendly
Sexual attraction
More quiet than loud
Wants to have kids one day
Witty and humorous
Presentable to friends and family

Nice to haves:

Laid-back
Long hair
Similar height or shorter than myself (petite)
Open minded
Tanned skin; darker color (Romanian, European, East Indian, etc…)
Likes cats.

Qualities I won’t put up with in a woman:

Anti-Pot (don't care if you don't smoke, but can't stand haters)
Hardcore Cigarette Smoker
Too ambitious or unavailable
Lazy and without direction; no job, no dream, no goals
Needy/Clingy.
Obese and/or unhealthy
Conservative/Traditional/Christian/Catholic
Germaphobe; doesn’t like to get dirty
Unaware and unintelligent
Easily offended, prude, poor sense of humor
Has children
Yells a lot, bitter, angry often
 
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#57 ·
I'm not against 420 myself, and have definitely had my share in the past. But to put it first on your list seems like it's of great importance, which is why I pointed it out.

It will probably be legal across the US in the next 10 years, but still it doesn't seem like I've met any women that are good with 420 in their 20s who are also also all the over traits you described.

Still, it only takes one. Good luck!
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#58 ·
Anyone who has such a list for future partnership is doomed to failure and singledom.

We all have general basics ie no cheating, similar outlook on life, no racist or sexist tendencies etc....A full extensive list though!?!

This thread is hilarious. I love the inconsistencies and the 'I can but they can't ' attitude. Fabulous! Keep it up because you will save a lot of women from a lot of wasted time!

My list is 1. We get along 2. We help each other out and work as a team 3. We fancy each other 4. We get along
Works well for me :)

I had a friend once who had a long list. No brown shoes was on that list. She was a negative person. She's still single. Very attractive to look at, but can't keep hold of a man, or even, ditches them because they don't match up to her list!
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#60 ·
So, in reading some of the questions posed by other TAMers to @pragmaster to help him refine his list, it made me think. A long time ago, shortly after I married, I came across the following book. I wish I had found it BEFORE I was married, but que sera, sera.

The Hard Questions

Anyway, the premise of the book is: these are the questions that you should be asking your SO before you tie the knot, to make sure you're really compatible. But really, these are the questions you should be looking at way earlier, before you fall in love with someone who isn't actually compatible with you, and before you marry that person because you're all buzzy on love hormones.

And then I thought--going through all these questions and answering them for oneself, while single (and not while potentially influenced by a current partner) is a great way to refine your list and make is more precise. Maybe not all the questions will be useful, but I think that some of them will.
 
#61 ·
You guys are funny. :p

I used to give (and still do to some extent) everyone a chance whether they met my list or not. That's actually been my problem for a number of years. I am tired of taking all I can get and wasting my time on women I am not actually interested in. It has happened far too much. I've been really bad for that in the past. I've become quite intuitive and can tell within less than a minute if it's going to work out. Jedi training!!! The fear of loss and the fear of being alone is gone. I am super content and happy with my life right now. If someone else is going to come in the picture I am going to make sure it's what I want. I don't care how nice a girl is and how much she is willing to change, yada yada. Think of it like a job interview. I'm the boss and this is my life.

Despite the negative feedback about this "list", it's taken me quite a lot of work to get this far. I used to take all that I can get and let women treat me like **** like I said. Now that I know what I want the universe is responding. Everything is flowing much better in fact. Some things in my list might not make sense to you guys, and rightfully so they shouldn't. I can tell you all about me and bull**** until the cows come home, but you don't know me, and so don't judge if you don't know the context.

I highly recommend to any young person not sure what they want in a partner to make a list. It's not a bad thing. We all know what we want and there is nothing wrong with saying no to people we know don't meet our criteria. I am not better than anyone else and I believe we are all entitled to get what we want and deserve. There are 7billion other monkeys out there. There are for sure many candidates. It's just a list. Everyone's got one whether written or not. This is my dream girl. Keep that in mind. Some dreams get realized and some don't, but here is hoping.

Heck, I don't even care to date my dream girl. Just being friends is good enough for me. I'm young and I have lots of time.

And for the record, we can be as picky and judgmental as we want. There is nothing wrong with being meticulous.

Read up some Thelema. "Do as thou wilt and love is the law ".
 
#62 ·
Another problem with this list, is that people are usually on their best behavior at first. Some can put up a charade for years. Also, people can change. Sometime a lot! So that "perfect girl" might not be so great after all.
 
#68 ·
Remember folks, I am the pragmaster! ;) It totally depends. Everything is circumstantial, for me. I appreciate your willingness to try and understand my scattered non-linear mentality. To some I may appear as conflicted or undecided, but I am actually just happy go lucky gemini. :D :D :D I'm not conflicted at all. Just picky. Like Jerry Seinfeld. Lol.

"she had man hands"


I was talking to a friend the other day and she said something that made me smile. She said, you know, you are a weird person. You're like half hippy half scientist. On one hand you like to relax, lay-back, be patient, smoke pot, talk about the universe and philosophy and on the other you are a really analytical, quick witted, detailed oriented perfectionist. Yup that's me.

All it takes is someone who accepts the other, not a clone.

I will have you know I met an amazing woman recently who not only met my list but passed with flying colors. I know some of you said my list was a pie in the sky, but really, it's not. Heck, I am still so young and naive and have so much to learn about myself and the universe. Maybe relationships aren't meant for everyone, but it's all good! There's no rush. All in time. The universe loves us and everything is perfectly imperfect.

Thread can be closed! I got the answers I needed. Thanks everyone.
 
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