Emotional support, what does it mean to you?
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Old 06-30-2011, 05:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

My wife has expressed that i need to do more in terms of emotional support. I can understand the term if someone is going through trauma or a particular significant event, but I'm not sure what that means in the "everyday life" sense. I tried probing several times to understand but she didn't really give me much. Im trying to get ladies views on this and I understand that each person may have their own individual interpretation but perhaps some collective input would help me understand a but more. This is impacting our marriage in a huge way. One request is to please try and be as specific as possible maybe throw in some examples ( a general answer like, emotional support means that you get her, doesn't help me much ).
Thanks
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Old 06-30-2011, 05:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

I think emotional support to me would be willing to engage in conversations that go beyond surface topics. When I feel emotionally supported and bonded, usually that means we have talked about certain issues in depth, and I have felt like he really heard me and understood my perspective.
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Old 06-30-2011, 06:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I think emotional support to me would be willing to engage in conversations that go beyond surface topics. When I feel emotionally supported and bonded, usually that means we have talked about certain issues in depth, and I have felt like he really heard me and understood my perspective.
Thanks good example, so these would be any issues? could be how the day went at work or solving the worlds energy crisis, did I get that right?
keep em coming ladies, please
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Old 06-30-2011, 06:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

The earth is green because it's fertilized with the bodies of billions of men who killed themselves trying to please a woman. Good luck in your pursuit.
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Old 06-30-2011, 06:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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The earth is green because it's fertilized with the bodies of billions of men who killed themselves trying to please a woman. Good luck in your pursuit.
I hear you buddy! im still in the optimistic phase though and earnestly trying hard with a true belief that things can change for the better...hence my name hoping 4 better
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Old 06-30-2011, 07:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

Don't overthink it.
Emotional support can be as simple as knowing exactly how to make someone smile, or better yet, laugh.
Also knowing when you to put your arm around someone.
It doesn't have to be complex or even involve words.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:38 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

I must say that my husband lacks emotional support daily! He just doesn't understand it. What I am missing from him is just the fact that when I am upset, Id like him to be like its ok and if you need me I'm here, instead he says dumb **** like, well you can't be mad at me, I didnt have control or it wasn't my fault. Ok, that's NOT what I wanted to hear. Sometimes when Im feeling fat or just not pretty, Id like to hear you look beautiful but if I say I just feel like i look awful today, he will say you look fine. I don't want to hear fine, I want beautiful. That's my version of emotional support in which my husband, doesn't know. So maybe try making her smile during the day or telling her shes pretty or just a hug every now and then...that might do the trick.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:42 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

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I must say that my husband lacks emotional support daily! He just doesn't understand it. What I am missing from him is just the fact that when I am upset, Id like him to be like its ok and if you need me I'm here, instead he says dumb **** like, well you can't be mad at me, I didnt have control or it wasn't my fault. Ok, that's NOT what I wanted to hear. Sometimes when Im feeling fat or just not pretty, Id like to hear you look beautiful but if I say I just feel like i look awful today, he will say you look fine. I don't want to hear fine, I want beautiful. That's my version of emotional support in which my husband, doesn't know. So maybe try making her smile during the day or telling her shes pretty or just a hug every now and then...that might do the trick.
If he actually said these things to you, would you believe him? or would you say to him "you're just saying that because you're my husband"
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:53 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

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Originally Posted by hoping4better View Post
My wife has expressed that i need to do more in terms of emotional support. I can understand the term if someone is going through trauma or a particular significant event, but I'm not sure what that means in the "everyday life" sense. I tried probing several times to understand but she didn't really give me much. Im trying to get ladies views on this and I understand that each person may have their own individual interpretation but perhaps some collective input would help me understand a but more. This is impacting our marriage in a huge way. One request is to please try and be as specific as possible maybe throw in some examples ( a general answer like, emotional support means that you get her, doesn't help me much ).
Thanks
Emotional support examples are:

Showing interest in how she feels by asking questions...
"How was your day?"
"Can I help you with anything?"

Paying attention to her natural cues and letting you know you recognize them and care about them...
"You look stressed out. I don't want you to feel that way."
"I don't like it when you feel disconnected from me. I want to connect with you."

Taking action to make her feel good is a way of connecting too...
~Buying her a small gift that you know she'd like for no reason and then commenting when she smiles that you love to see her smile or comment that you just want her to be happy.
~Telling her you'd like to go for a walk together and unwind.
~Do something you don't normally do to surprise her and give her a smile when she is delightfully surprised.

*Granted, this all has to be reciprocated by her. If she takes advantage of your care, commitment and showing of affection then she's dealing with a problem that I would guess has more to do with herself and how she feels rather than her connection with you. In other words, she's not in a place where she can connect.
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

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Originally Posted by Homemaker_Numero_Uno View Post
Don't overthink it.
Emotional support can be as simple as knowing exactly how to make someone smile, or better yet, laugh.
Also knowing when you to put your arm around someone.
It doesn't have to be complex or even involve words.
I was struggling to come up with specific enough an answer, but this one is quite good as a generic!
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:23 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

Listen without judgment.
Do NOT invalidate my feelings or experiences.
Do not cry because I am crying or take it personally if it really is about me.
Offer advice only when it is asked for. Otherwise just be my sounding board.
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:24 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

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Originally Posted by Trenton View Post
Emotional support examples are:

Showing interest in how she feels by asking questions...
"How was your day?"
"Can I help you with anything?"

Paying attention to her natural cues and letting you know you recognize them and care about them...
"You look stressed out. I don't want you to feel that way."
"I don't like it when you feel disconnected from me. I want to connect with you."
Taking action to make her feel good is a way of connecting too...
~Buying her a small gift that you know she'd like for no reason and then commenting when she smiles that you love to see her smile or comment that you just want her to be happy.~Telling her you'd like to go for a walk together and unwind.
~Do something you don't normally do to surprise her and give her a smile when she is delightfully surprised.

*Granted, this all has to be reciprocated by her. If she takes advantage of your care, commitment and showing of affection then she's dealing with a problem that I would guess has more to do with herself and how she feels rather than her connection with you. In other words, she's not in a place where she can connect.
in my dreams, of course, but I agree!
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:37 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

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Originally Posted by hoping4better View Post
My wife has expressed that i need to do more in terms of emotional support. I can understand the term if someone is going through trauma or a particular significant event, but I'm not sure what that means in the "everyday life" sense. I tried probing several times to understand but she didn't really give me much. Im trying to get ladies views on this and I understand that each person may have their own individual interpretation but perhaps some collective input would help me understand a but more. This is impacting our marriage in a huge way. One request is to please try and be as specific as possible maybe throw in some examples ( a general answer like, emotional support means that you get her, doesn't help me much ).
Thanks
I had the same issue. My x wife said I didn't give her what she needed emotionally. I'm not sure what that consists of, but apparently I don't need much myself, so its difficult to know how to give it.
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:44 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

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I had the same issue. My x wife said I didn't give her what she needed emotionally. I'm not sure what that consists of, but apparently I don't need much myself, so its difficult to know how to give it.

Maybe the problem we women have defining what emotional support is (apart from the obvious that everyone's definition is likely to be slightly different) is that to me, anyway, I'm a package and anyone loving/supporting me and my emotional self needs to demonstrate support for all those different bits - I'd like to be cherished. Not every hour of every day would it need to be demonstrated, but losing that feeling would be (IS) very painful and destroys a part of the relationship. I'd like to be touched - not talking sex here, just the arm round the waist, hand on the thigh in the car, finger over the back of the neck type touches ...
I'd like to be given reassurance of my place in his life. Verbal, out loud, reassurance that I'm important. I'd like to receive support when there's a problem I'm dealing with.
Two observations: yes he deserves whatever support he would like.
secondly, ok it might seem I'm talking about pretty much everything rather than what OP asked, but to me it all matters and all demonstrates support of me as his partner in our relationship.
ramble over.
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Old 06-30-2011, 11:06 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotional support, what does it mean to you?

Tell her that You are responsible for your own feelings and she does not need to go out of her way to make the men of this world feel fulfilled. LOL. Not really, she would never believe you and look at you as if you had just lost your mind.
But still every woman would love to hear that.

Kind of along that line though, we can't read your mind. For Gods sake if something is bugging you talk about it. Don't let it turn up months later as big as a mountain. Talk to her, get in that kitchen and help cook, set the table, put away the dishes. Gossip with us. We love hearing the jokes you heard today. Anything you talk about will make a connection with us. Turn on the radio and dance her from the sink to the stove, dip her over the table and kiss her while you look deep in her eyes. That is a connection. One that will stay with her all evening.
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