Originally Posted by lonelytoo
I feel as though he has no respect for me. I don't know if he still has feelings for his ex wife but I have expressed numerous times that I don't like him sharing private information with his ex. She has asked him personal questions regarding our marriage and relationship through text and instead of ignoring them he answers her. If it were my ex I would tell him that those things are personal and I would rather not discuss with you. He has told me before that he was sorry and that he just didn't want to be rude by not answering. I think a BIG part of us not getting along is that I feel totally disrespected. He has split custody of his kids and a couple weeks were not getting along and the next day he had to work. I asked if he could ask his ex to keep the children one more night (I was upset and didn't think it was fair to have them come home while I was upset and their dad was at work. Also their mom was off work the following day and if were my daughter with an ex I know that she would rather be with her dad) My husband sent his ex wife a message that said basically said...." my wife thinks the children would rather be with their mom instead of their step mom while I work tomorrow?" Of course I felt like he made me look like a total ***** to his ex. I felt like he said it that way because we had been in an argument that day. He told me that I didn't want to have any kids at home and he made it happen, what was the problem? I asked him again to please not disrespect me like that to his ex. Like I said our marriage is in trouble. We have been fighting all week and his children come home next week. He told me he had sent his ex a text message asking if she could keep the kids next week. He told ME that he did that because he really wants to try and work things out and he thinks we need time to work on "us". Personally I feel really bad that he feels the need to eleminate his children for awhile because we aren't getting along. But when I asked him what he said to his ex he said "I asked her if she could keep the kids next week" and asked me If he needed to say anything else to her. Of course I was relieved, the last thing that I need is his ex into our business. He took a shower and knowing that I prob shouldnt I looked at his text messages. He wrote "could you please keep the kids next week I have some things I need to take care of and I don't want them to have to be involved" she replied "sure is their anything I can do to help?" He replied " no, but thanks" She replied "If you need anything at all just know I am here for you?" he replied "thanks" Many might not read my novel and may some think I am being petty but I feel completely and utterly crushed. As I write this I am bauling my eyes out. Why would he confide in her? I am devasted that what he wrote caused his ex to reach out to him in such a personal way. Why would he write that? I understand that he was trying to have a few weeks for us to sort things out but the whole stem of our problems is that I feel like he gives me no respect. This is just ONE example. Why would he not just ask for her to keep the children an extra week. If he felt the need to explain then why didn't he lie and say he had to work late next week? I feel as though he was either mad at me and thats why he asked in the way he asked but a big part of me feels like he was trying to seek comfort from his ex. Something I would NEVER ever do. Please help! Am I crazy? Am I wrong in the way I am feeling?
Your expectations of him seem not at all realistic to me.
Listen to what you wrote in the same post.
| I don't like him sharing private information with his ex. |
| I asked if he could ask his ex to keep the children one more night (I was upset and didn't think it was fair to have them come home while I was upset and their dad was at work. Also their mom was off work the following day and if were my daughter with an ex I know that she would rather be with her dad) My husband sent his ex wife a message that said basically said...." my wife thinks the children would rather be with their mom instead of their step mom while I work tomorrow?" Of course I felt like he made me look like a total ***** to his ex. |
| I think a BIG part of us not getting along is that I feel totally disrespected. |
If he felt the need to explain then why didn't he lie and say he had to work late next week?
First of all, because he has joint custody, he needs to maintain some ties with his ex-wife. That doesn't mean that he blabs to her about all the dirty laundry between the two of you. That does mean that he needs to talk to her, in a little bit of detail from time to time.
Second, your requests are contradictory. On one hand you demand that he lie about work, but in another circumstance, you're upset that he did.
Why are you worried about the way he's making you look to his x-wife in the first place? Saying that "I have some things to take care of, and I don't want them involved." is pretty damned vague.
This does not indicate to her that the two of you are having problems, and there doesn't appear to be any disrespect intended.
Giving too much information would be, "Your replacement and I aren't getting along, and we don't want the kids exposed to our fighting."
Disrespect would be, "Your replacement is a crazy controlling ***** and we don't want the kids exposed to our fighting."
Further, what you've described doesn't indicate that he's confiding in her. Rather, it seems like he's passing on the information that needs to be passed on.
Breath a little. There's nothing egregiously inappropriate going on based on what you've described. It sounds like he's trying to juggle respecting your boundaries, and his duties as a partially custodial parent. That's not an easy thing to do! Give him the authority and responsibility to manage the relationship between himself and his ex-wife. As long as he's respectful of your boundaries, which seem in this case to be unnecessarily restrictive, if not outright contradictory, then there appears to be no rational reason for you to worry.