Undertheradar

This is tough one to guage.

My wife was crying her eyes out, while telling me she didn't want to hurt me.

How do you interpret that?

turnera

180 doesn't mean being an a$$hole. It means saying, 'you know, I've learned so much. I've found my issues and I'm fixing them because I should, and the next woman in my life is going to get a great man. So thank you for helping me see. I still love you, but I won't share you with another man, so I guess it's over. I'll see you in court.'

WhiteRabbit

[QUOTE=Undertheradar;369519]This is tough one to guage.

My wife was crying her eyes out, while telling me she didn't want to hurt me.

How do you interpret that?[/


Like everything there are exceptions. Not calling your wife a sadist b*tch but there are many sadist b*tches around that will use tears to manipulate many men. Most sane women don't use their tears for evil
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Undertheradar

[QUOTE=WhiteRabbit;369528]She is "what you said" ^^^^^^^^

SunnyT

Husbands do this too..... cry on their way out the door. I don't think it's manipulation, I think it really is sadness. Just cuz they are screwed up and leaving what WE think is a good relationship, doesn't mean it isn't sad to them too.

Deejo

Wow. That pulls things into sharp perspective. Very well said.

Macvspc, many have been down this road. Myself included.

I 'hoped' for a very, very, long time.

If you are not in counseling, I strongly urge you to go. Having someone to work through this stuff with is essential. It is NEVER a bad decision to seek out support.

We talk a great deal about limit setting, personal boundaries and being comfortable and confident about the conflict that will always arise as the result of the death of a long term relationship.

Plenty of folks here can relate to where you are, and can provide feedback.

__________________
"I figured out they were serious eventually but was thinking it was ridiculous. I wanted to kick them in the balls." - Trenton

mizzy

she is so done, she is moving on be carefull and try not to get hurt its best for you and your kids

Laurae1967

From experience, I can tell you that trying to "win" her back does not work. She's already convinced you aren't worth her time and each time you do something nice or loving, she views it as you groveling and being pathetic. This is not who you are, of course, but in her foggy state, that's what she's seeing. She knows she's got you on a string and so why would she be motivated to take a renewed interest in the marriage? She's living a fantasy with another man with you safely waiting in the wings for backup. This is the worst position for you to be in!

Start focusing on yourself, and disengage from her and her dysfunction. Start living your own life. File for D and start dating, going out with friends, doing stuff with your kids, etc. If she changes her mind and wants you, she'll let you know. Please trust me on this. And then you will have to decide if you really want her back or not.

turnera

You can always get back together later, even if you divorce.

Runs like Dog

A good rule of thumb is that there's a 99% likelihood that whatever any woman is telling you is half bull**** and the other half is subject to change at whim.

__________________
fight back

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I said it to my H and I'll say it here.
No means no and done means done.
I think it took me renting a place to get the message across.
He cried up to that point and then abruptly stopped crying and started posting again on his rock climbing site about his gear rack. Like about an hour later (likely took him that long to read the posts he was replying to...) That was all I needed to know. If I go on the rock climbing site now it is just to find climbing partners when I have time to go, under a new user name there...but so far have plenty of people to climb with, without doing that. Phhhht.
Anyway, so much for the crying stuff.

AtALoss80

I'll disagree with many on here and say never say never. My current ex-husband and I divorced 3 years ago. I said I was 100% done, he was not. Three months later I decided to work it out and we got back together. We stayed together a year and again, everything went sour and I said I was done again. He was as well. Just recently, I've tried to get him to discuss reconciling, and we have (he even has a GF), and I'm waiting on his decision. When she says she's DONE, she doesn't always mean it, even if there is another person. Keep trying!

sexuallyfustrated

I backed tracked once in my early teens before I meet my husband and I still wish to this day that I hadn't. I no longer hate him but I could really care less rather he lived or died. It was then that I sai that when I say I done i am done. I put my al in my relationship and like the other women in my family it takes a lot for us to say when. When I say we endure MAN DO WE and I have watched most of them take men back that have treated them less than. Serial cheaters, serial cheaters have outside kids, serial cheater that beat them and not provide for them. Like you golfergirl said I'm not your wife but when I say I'm done there is no going back. And thats my reason for trying to make my marriage wk becuase if it doesn't what he may feel later won't matter. It would take a act of christ for me to take him back. To me it won't be worth it.

Jellybeans

Unintentionally funny!

michzz

As just more crap a cheater says as they mess with you.

My wife said the same thing.

Whatever else cheating is, it is a deliberate hostile act. Especially if it continues after being found out.