My wife often uses texts for work, so texting a co-worker is not a big deal. I recently saw a text where her male manager said the presentation went well and her response was: You always do a good job ;-)
Should I be concerned? Or is this just a common occurrence in the new era of communication? Do you "wink" with men not your SO and not mean anything by it? Posted via Mobile Device
I do not go through her phone. The phone was on the coffee table next to the couch and I needed to text our daughter. That is when I noticed it. I read the whole thing and there was nothing of concern until that line. I am more than willing to concede over-reaction, but just wanted to hear from some women regarding their thoughts and communication styles.
I use "winks" just to denote a light-hearted or friendly tone of voice, since you can't really tell how written words may be construed.
Wikipedia has a list of emoticons, and the wink can mean depending on the context, sexual attraction or simply just shared hidden knowledge (like my intent when I use them here on an anonymous forum with strangers).
It's texting. You have an extremely limited number of ways to add "tone" to what you're saying. Offhand, (unless you're in middle school), I'd guess that most people use :-), :-D, :-( and ;-) to "color" their texts, right? So four symbols that express happy, sad, laughing, just kidding, and all the layers of those things that normally gets communicated through tone of voice, laughter, facial expression...
Attaching sexual meaning to an emoticon wink is like attaching sexual implication to an exclamation mark or an ellipsis. It's the words around it that mean something.
However, I do think that if you're emotionally invested in text messages and virtual winks...you've probably got bigger issues than emoticons. That's some pretty trivial stuff to fixate on when the conversation is normal.
Freaking out over a virtual wink and one line out of an entire "normal" conversation? Nope. Not my style to go histrionic cherry-picking over a conversation. That's just spoiling for a fight, in my opinion.
But then again, I just scrolled through my bb and of the probably 75 texts I've sent today--probably a third have winks. So clearly I'm a bit too flirty with my mother, my sister and most of the people who've yet to RSVP to my dinner party, is that correct?
Again, I think where things fall apart is where you can't actually ask her, either directly or in some cheesy kidding kind of way, what she meant by the text. That would be a much better indicator of what's going on than the suspicions of a bunch of randoms with their own POV and baggage from the interwebz. I mean myself, I can't imagine anyone touching my phone and reading my texts.....any more than I can imagine going through anyone else's. And likewise, I'm thinking of a couple of people at work that I've probably sent texts just like that to that frankly, even if I were inclined to cheat...I wouldn't do them with somebody else's parts!
We had a guy that for the whole first year he was here was convinced that whatever he did, one way or another it was going to go wrong, get him fired and deported. After a couple of months it was just a running joke. He got a lot of eye-rolling, sarcastic comments about "oh yeah, good job" because he was a rock star that totally thought he was a loser. He was great, I liked him, but was my sarcasm indicative of a madcap love affair behind our respective spouses backs? OH NO! Not by any means. Really. Any means. Ever. The species would die out if it were left to us. But I did "wink" at him when I'd text....
The only way you'll really know is by knowing your wife and what's common for her and how she communicates. Or asking her what's going on. Everything else is stirring things up for no good reason.
1) I am not freaking out or going into histrionics. If I said now I hired a PI, read all of her texts, got a keylogger, voice activated recorder or spy software as is sometimes suggested on this site because of that text, then I think you could make that assumption.
It was also not my intention to convey that I thought there was a "mad cap love affair going on." But a casual reading of this site would indicate most business affairs start with small comments and flirtations before growing to something bigger, which is why I was searching for opinions on whether or not it is common communication method.
2) Winks to family members, female best friends, etc. totally discounts the context and receiver of the message. If the text said: That's surprising, your presentations are generally pretty bad ;-) I would not have given it a second thought, I see the sarcasm.
How many of your texts are to men, where the context of the wink is not obvious? for example:
a) If you don't RSVP soon, you will miss out on the best party of the year - I get that message
b) If you don't RSVP soon, you will miss out on my warm cherry pie - I think would be inappropriate.
Another thought, could it be an age thing? Would the message be viewed differently coming from a 26 year-old woman vs. a 47 year-old woman?
I'll second the opinion that it's all about the context of what's said around the wink before and/or after -- and to whom it was sent -- rather than the wink itself.
In your case I'd be more concerned about what was meant by the entire line of text, with the wink, than the wink itself.
(and PS I see nothing wrong with browsing SO texts every now & then, whether there are any red flags or alarms or not. Amazing to read & learn what's been discovered innocently. In a marriage I've come to beloieve there's no such thing as 'snooping'.)