feeling sad - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-17-2011, 04:03 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 9,349
Default Re: feeling sad

Bab123 - where do you feel you should go from here ?

If you feel a connection with her, I don't doubt you are having a good time over coffee, we would have to write a book to relay all the dymancis of communication going on.

Let me ask you this- who suggests getting together? Is it ever her? And does she ever say to you "Hey, lets go here someday, lets do that" leading you to believe she is invested in the friendship as well ?

Just trying to get a gauge on how you should reach out to her again or let her go, let her come to you the next time around. (I would look at it as a test)

Do you feel that is wrong? If you have been the primary GIVER in this friendship, I think it is time to allow her to set the bar of what she is comfortable with, then you will have a real answer, instead of words or guesses.

Can you tell me what the problem was with the other group of friends that turned their back on you -because of a disagreement ? It is common for friends to go through things, did anyone try to make amends in that situation , and why a GROUP of them? DId any of them reach out to talk it over with you? I am curious what the problem was, and who was at fault, if you are willing to share.

You mentioned this friend knows them, how you was hurt by them. Does that mean she was fully on your side in the matter - Does she also talk to them ? If so , any idea if they may be influencing her in any way.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-17-2011, 06:01 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 44
Default Re: feeling sad

She suggested going for a walk once, but it never happened because of conflicts in scheduling. When it came to meeting for coffee, I am the one who usually asked if she wanted to meet.
She seemed happy to get together.
Yes, she was on my side. She said she knew how I felt because the same thing happened to her. No she doesn't talk to them. She hasn't talked to them in a long time.
It had to do with my best friend moving and not telling me were, but letting every one else know. Making me believe at first that they didn't know where either. Here's how the conversation went with with one of them. "You new all along were **** went didn't you. Do I have stupid written on my forehead??". Her: "yeah I did, so what?" "How could you do that to me?" Her: "Why do you want to find someone who doesn't want to be found." She then labeled me a stalker.
I felt very betrayed and hurt. Haven't spoken to any of them since. Not one of them has made contact with me or made ammends. The one I spoke with wasn't sorry in the least about what she did.
Friends shouldn't be putting other friends in the middle and making them choose. But they do.
My "best friend" the gutless wonder couldn't to come to me and talk to me about it.(the one who pulled the dissapearing act).
bab123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2011, 12:36 AM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 635
Default Re: feeling sad

If someone i thought I was close to moved home and then upfront made a comment about not wanting to be found, I agree it would be hurtful and I agree I would be really fretting about wanting to know more. But maybe you know what's behind it anyway? Not judging, just guessing. Then the new friend actually knows the circumstances, or part of them anyway, yet isn't over-keen on getting close. If you were giving a friend advice about your situation, what would you tell them?
madimoff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2011, 07:40 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 9,349
Default Re: feeling sad

Alot of hurtful back biting going on with those other friends. I would never do that to someone I called my friend unless she was a threat in some way- to me or my family . Even if she called too much I would just get caller ID, ya know.

It was best you left that group of friends for sure, as for whatever reasons, they had no desire to make ammends.

That is pretty much my point in all of this- try to hang with people who like you, who find value in you, who show this to you in little consistent ways. There had to have been SIGNS that you missed from these women, that group of friends , to have them just TURN on you like that, so coldly & heartlessly.

If you are a genuinely friendly & an enjoyable woman, you CAN make new friends. Some of us are out of the box in some ways, we feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole, don't knock yourself out trying to hang with round holers, ya know. It is like beating your head against a wall.

I was watching VH1 this morning & caught Pinks new video -was thinking of this thread. The middle part is a little sick & intense (after all this is PINK!) but great song, even inspirational, let the words penetrate you today.

‪P!nk - Perfect‬‏ - YouTube
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2011, 02:23 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 44
Default Re: feeling sad

yeah, thats just the thing. I felt like I found a group of friends who excepted me for who I was. When I was with them, I could let my hair down and be myself. People who I thought would be my friends for a long time. I thought they valued me as there friend.
Thanks everyone for your input. I really value what you have to say. You have given me a lot to think about.
bab123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2011, 04:21 PM   #21 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 635
Default Re: feeling sad

Bab, just so you know... and you possibly don't need to know this right now.... but your post has got at least one of US cogitating too! (works both ways) ... good luck, hope to hear from you again
madimoff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2011, 01:30 PM   #22 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 10
Default Re: feeling sad

I really enjoyed reading this post! I go through the same thing!! I live in a cul-de-sac and everyone seems to be best buds. We all have kids the same age so as the kids play together the moms and dads chit chat, etc. But when it comes to being invited over for BBQ's, etc. My husband and I don't get asked. We chit chat and do parties with them - I host an easter egg hunt every year and we go to a neighbors labor day party, etc. We aren't completely excluded, but when it comes to one-on-one get togethers or outings we don't seem to be invited. It hurts so much!!! And it's even WORSE when my kids see other kids playing and we aren't included. BUT I just keep telling myself that they have the right to be friends with anyone and some times I choose to spend my time with one friend over another etc. But boy does it hurt sometimes!!!

I also have a friend who wants 24/7 attention and when I don't give it to her she pouts and doesn't reach out to me at all. I have to try to reach out to her at least once a week just to keep the line of communication open because she can be fun to hang with sometimes.

Then I have friends I don't talk to for 6 months or so and we are like family!!! Nothing upsets us - we just know that we have busy lives, etc.

I always wondered if I am in the wrong with us not being SO CLOSE to our neighbors. But you know - my husband and I work full time and don't drink and chit chat easliy with others. We have home cooked meals everynight with our kids. So I guess I can see what we aren't in the loop with the others. It's just hard sometimes.

I hope responding makes some sense. I just wanted you to know that I read all these posts and appreciated seeing others deal with friends coming and going.

Bab - I hope you can find other friends to hang with! And perhaps just keep this other friend on the back burner so the door isn't closed.
Lynn2002 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2011, 09:42 AM   #23 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 9,349
Default Re: feeling sad

One of my closest girlfriends has explained frienships like this ( or similar)-- she would do this better than me...if you chop a tree down and look at the stump, you will notice many circles around each other, she would tell me FRIENDS are like this..

Your closest friends, the ones who treat you like family, who you can share everything with, call all hours of the night, they have seen you at your worst & still love you, those are in the bulleye of the stump.

Then you have other friends you see at church, at work, you confide in them but they don't see the DIRT, you at your worst, as the rings get looser & looser on that stump, so is many others - to where we would call them "acquaintences" now -not necessarily friends.

Then we all have some SPECIAL people may come into our lives for a only a SEASON, they were there for us when we needed , but now they have moved on to new friends, another place, but this is OK, as we can also.

I had a best best best girlfriend in my youth, I thought we would always be that tight, it was harder ON ME when we grew apart than her, at least I felt it was. But you know, she was there for me when I needed her the most, that season of my difficult teen years, until I met my husband/then boyfriend. I will always treasure those times, and now we have Facebook to still keep in touch, but it will NEVER be what is was.

But this is OK.

I think it is good to never burn bridges with friends, even if we do loose touch, they move on, yes, it hurts a little , maybe ALOT, but this world is filled with others with similar struggles as yourself. The challenge is to find them and Hook up !

One of my girlfriends made friends in a chat room , then they started calling each other, and she flys states away to visit this woman almost every year, met her family, her friends, everything. I thought that was a little crazy but still it happened. Once she came here & I met her.

With the advent of the internet, I think we could find many many others like ourselves, to share and be heard & understood. Just as it is more of a playgroud for affairs (a BAD thing) , it can be a open door to many new same sex connections. (A good thing!).
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2011, 03:36 PM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 635
Default Re: feeling sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
One of my closest girlfriends has explained frienships like this ( or similar)-- she would do this better than me...if you chop a tree down and look at the stump, you will notice many circles around each other, she would tell me FRIENDS are like this..

Your closest friends, the ones who treat you like family, who you can share everything with, call all hours of the night, they have seen you at your worst & still love you, those are in the bulleye of the stump.

Then you have other friends you see at church, at work, you confide in them but they don't see the DIRT, you at your worst, as the rings get looser & looser on that stump, so is many others - to where we would call them "acquaintences" now -not necessarily friends.

Then we all have some SPECIAL people may come into our lives for a only a SEASON, they were there for us when we needed , but now they have moved on to new friends, another place, but this is OK, as we can also.

I had a best best best girlfriend in my youth, I thought we would always be that tight, it was harder ON ME when we grew apart than her, at least I felt it was. But you know, she was there for me when I needed her the most, that season of my difficult teen years, until I met my husband/then boyfriend. I will always treasure those times, and now we have Facebook to still keep in touch, but it will NEVER be what is was.

But this is OK.

I think it is good to never burn bridges with friends, even if we do loose touch, they move on, yes, it hurts a little , maybe ALOT, but this world is filled with others with similar struggles as yourself. The challenge is to find them and Hook up !

One of my girlfriends made friends in a chat room , then they started calling each other, and she flys states away to visit this woman almost every year, met her family, her friends, everything. I thought that was a little crazy but still it happened. Once she came here & I met her.

With the advent of the internet, I think we could find many many others like ourselves, to share and be heard & understood. Just as it is more of a playgroud for affairs (a BAD thing) , it can be a open door to many new same sex connections. (A good thing!).
I so wish this would be true, but I had(have?) a friend - a woman part of a marrried couple I initially made friends with and who I and my ex-h became very friendly with. When my ex-h and I started to split, and I became with my now partner, someone - only two possibilities, my mother (definitely a possible) and my probably best ever friend (the woman spoken of) told my ex-h a confidence that only those two knew of. It got to solicitors, you name it. Friendship pretty damned instantly lost. I guess she/they figured they were friends with both of us so the confidence wasn't a confidence. Don't know, possibly never will. But I hate that loss of a friend because she was SO close - yet so easily lost.
madimoff is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Just feeling sad TheOnceler General Relationship Discussion 1 07-03-2012 02:43 PM
Feeling I made a mistake marrying HIM... is this feeling so wrong? savannah General Relationship Discussion 28 04-15-2012 07:25 PM
going from feeling numb to feeling regret? LostConfused Life After Divorce 2 01-15-2011 09:44 AM
The feeling of "feeling like crap" notreadytoquit Going Through Divorce or Separation 26 08-02-2010 08:59 AM
Feeling Alone. Rail General Relationship Discussion 11 06-21-2009 07:54 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:14 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage