08-08-2011, 07:12 PM
Join Date: Feb 2010
| | Thoughts and advice - repair relationship or move on
So, H informed me that he found a vehicle that he would like to purchase ( we do not need one - have two they run fine) - a classic car for about $20,000. I respectfully informed him that we do not have the money. I also stated that he has enough things that he does not have the time for - so why another. His response was that I did not understand the value of the car - it would be wise purchase. Financial commitments come first - we do not have any spare cash lying around. Two weeks later he informs me that he is buying it - needless to say we got into a heated argument - he left the house and did not return until three days later.
After he left, our son spoke with me - and I was shocked by what I heard. He urged me to get a divorce -knowing how unhappy I am in the relationship and the difficulties I have with my husband. He also talked about the difficulties he has with his dad. This discussion really broke my heart. I responded by saying that I am keeping all options open.
After my H returned, he did apologize. However, some things are standing out in my mind - I don't think my H loves me. Here are the indicators - during the two weeks we were having this difficulty I verbally stated that I loved him and that it was very important to me to keep this family together. He never said anything like that to me - it was all about his things. I still have no idea where he went, I did not ask - nor do I really care. I find it odd that he did not just say where he spent the past few days. He did apologize yet he has not said the I love you - you are important to me, this family is important. Nor has he tried to reaffirm the importance of his relationship with his son. I know he cares and loves him, but I would think after leaving for three days - no calls or anything, a little extra effort would be taken to repair the relationship.
What it comes down to - is that for the past 7 to 10 years, I have felt that I really do not matter in the relationship. Life - our marriage - has revolved around his things. Perhaps I am just a paycheck, someone to cook, do the laundry, etc. I long for the opportunity of having someone take an interest in me - you know just a nice hello , how was your day. It sucks being lonely and married.
I really don't know what I am looking for here - some guidance and advice. Is it time to say that the relationship has ran its course and we should move on. I must admit, when he was gone - I felt this burden lifted off my shoulders.