molly76

i have been married for 10 years and I have a 4 year old girl. before we got married , my husband happened to find out about a letter I had written to my boyfriend. I wasn't in love with the boy at all and were just friends. in that letter I told him about my engagement and wished him happiness too. my husband overreacted to the letter at that time badly and we decided to break up but after a while he came to me saying that he would forget and forgive and I trusted him. but I have found out recently that he has never forgotten about it at all and in his own mind he decided to punish me for that! he has had some girlfriends and when I was 6 months pregnant I caught him talking on the phone with a girl. I got mad and cried my heart out for several days. he promised he wouldn't do it again. but last year one night he said that he was no longer in love with me and he was in love with some other woman. I couldn't believe it and for my daughter's sake I stayed with him but I can never come to terms with my feelings and self-esteem. last night by accident I saw an email he had written to a woman that was so so so romantic and he has never said a word like to me ever! when I asked him about it, he wasn't aheamed at all and he said proudly that she was his woman and he loved her! my mom and friends think I should stay with him for my daughter's sake but I feel so badly hurt. my heart is broken and I hate myself even more. I have a good job and can provide for myself. I have decided to file for divorce because I can no longer take it. should I really stay with a man who claims not to love me over and over? my daughter is my only and only concern. what would happed to her? will she run wild? will she hate me for that ? what about me and my life? I don't love him either coz he has never been kind to me and we have hardly ever had fun together. he sometimes uses opium too. I am even too weak to try to win him back. my heart is badly broken. what should I do?

mrs.rmiller

I'm so sorry to hear about that. I don't know if my advice is right, but I think I would leave him. If you teach your daughter right and wrong and pride, she will be fine and will not run wild. My mother and father split when I was 7. I got into some trouble as a teen, but not much. I even smile a little when I talk about that trouble. lol... You don't want your daughter to end up in a similar relationship and stay with the guy do you? She may not understand now, but she will figure it out when she is an adult. You will not need to tell her anything and she will still figure it out. You need to stand up for yourself and do what is best of both you and your daughter. You can support yourself, you can teach and love your daughter and you can find someone else who will love you the way you need to be loved. I have some issues with my husband, but not like yours. I think if my situation was your situation, I would get pissed and the anger would push me to get out and succeed. I would know that I didn't need him and he didn't deserve me. Stop being sad, get pissed and do what you need to do. Maybe have your little girl stay at Grandma's house for a few days and just get pissed. I wouldn't let him know what is going on until it's done. Pretend like everything is ok, get the financial items taken care of like utilities in your name and bank accounts and then go. Get legal help asap. Be strong.. You do not deserve to be treated that way.

heartsbeating

What would happen to her if you stayed? will she run wild? will she hate you for that? will she learn from you that it's okay to allow yourself to live unhappily, to not give and receive love and respect. I think staying in that scenario would mess with her more than leaving. This way she has a chance to learn about living with high self-esteem and self respect. Best wishes.

__________________
"Victims; aren't we all" - The Crow

molly76

thank you both for your advice. they were so soothing. I suppose you are right. I need to teach my daughter self-esteem and respect. she might be mad at me for a while as she loves her daddy so much and I don't want to come between their love. I need to pull myself together. thank you again.

Jellybeans

Sorry to hear of this situation.

If I were you I would file for hte divorce as well as child support at minimum (and a custody agreement). If he has told you repeatedly he doesn't love you and loves another woman, just remove yourself from this situation.

You deserve better.

molly76

my friends tell me not to let the third person(the woman my hubby is in love with) take your place easily. in my country men have the only right for divorce and women can never get anything from their husband if they file for divorce. even the custody goes to men out od question. I will lose alot of things. my husband is almost a rich man but I won't be able to get anyhting from him and that is why my friends and family want me to stay and defend my territory!! however, I am too mad at him right now. I had marriage counselling and the counsellor told me to stay in the marriage and then try my best to win him back . but how can I overcome my anger against him? I feel manipulated and humiliated . I just can't forgive him and the counsellor told me to do nothing for now and wait till my anger is gone. but will he regret what he has done to me? he has never been sorry for that and he thinks he has had the right to fall for other women as in our law a man can marry 4 women at the same time and his women have not right to object! of course he has agreed to give me the custody of our daughter. he has not goven me a penny in the past year and instead he has spent all his money on the ohter woman! I told everybody that he doesn't love me any more but nobody seems to care for it and they think most women in my country are stuck in a loveless marriage and this reason is not worht getting divorced! they think(even the counsellors) I need to stay and protect my life against the other woman and should not let her own everything that seems to be mine. I wish I lived in a modern country where I could be treated like a human not a woman! Alas! life is so unfair , indeed. I am well-educated and have a good job and have my own appartment and car but I will be still considered a loser if I get divorced! here, your creadit as a woman is measured by your marriage and the husband you could hook! it is so so so so unfair, isn't it?