11-26-2008, 02:05 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Diego
| | Re: Anyone ever wondered about their best friend being too close with your hubby?
Originally Posted by tnt20years
I recently found out that one of my best friends has been secretively talking to my husband about our relationship problems for several years!!! My husband evidently has been upset with her for a few months and she rarely comes around anymore and rarely calls anymore. But I was recently at a friends house a couple of weeks ago and she told me something that he had told her. When I questioned how she knew this, she informed me that he used to talk to her, but he doesn't anymore???
When I questioned my husband about what she said, he said she was just being a trouble maker and she wasn't a friend!!! When I asked him why he talked to her about our problems he told me that she was his friend too. I explained that this was against relationship rules. You can talk to your relatives or your buddies but talking to a female friend about your marriage problems is against the rules, am I right??? I definitely think that she should have know this also. Here I am telling her my problems while unbeknown to me she is turning around and talking to my husband about what I said!!! I have to wonder what her motive was here!!!
I have been wanting to quiz her more on this, but I'm not sure how to approach it. Or should I just let the friendship die? We live in a small community and are paths are bound to cross many times, so I'm sure we will have to see her from time to time.
What would you do?
I have been "that friend" and let me tell you, it's no fun. The wife in my situation is one of those women that downplays her husbands behavior the entire time I have known her. He would say inappropriate things to other women, and all she would say is, "Oh he is all talk". She would tell me that I was the only one of her friends that her husband liked, herego he would never give her issues when she wanted to spend time with me. Yes, she did vent to me about their troubles and then one day out of the blue, he called me to ask my advice because I knew his wife better than anyone. He had no other male friends that he felt comfortable with, and no family members that he wanted to air his dirty laundry to. I was safe.
I tried for a couple of month to get her to care as I saw his pain in his inability to make his wife understand that he used his mouth for attention....granted, it was negative attention but it was still her attention he wanted. She just laughed it off. In knowing what she complained about, I tried to get him to change those things that were changeable hoping it would rekindle their relationship. A few months of me trying to be both of their friends here, and what happens? He hits on ME! Should I have seen it coming? Perhaps......but to answer your question.......................maybe if the wife were more approachable, willing to communicate and make him feel safe to talk to her.....maybe, just MAYBE he wouldn't attempt to go elsewhere for "advice".
and no...............I did not reciprocate his advances.