Help me get the love and intimacy back in my marriage!
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Old 09-08-2011, 01:42 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Help me get the love and intimacy back in my marriage!

my husband is curt, grumpy and dissatisfied most of the time. Even the people around him (like our friends) note how unhappy he seems to be. I want the old him back and I don't know how to get it.

I have tried (admittedly only a few times) to hug him, or be close to him (snuggling on the couch or in the bed) but he just turns away. We are currently in between places and in the 23 foot RV with the 3 kids for several more weeks. It would be so much nicer if I didn't feel like I had to give him a 5 foot berth all the time.

What should I do when he turns away? Should I just keep trying? How often should I try? Should I wait until we move? Life HAS been over the top tough to us the last couple of years and I totally understand why he feels stressed etc, but turning on each other certainly isn't the answer right? I am so sad.
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Old 09-09-2011, 06:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me get the love and intimacy back in my marriage!

I can only judge from my perspective but If I were him I think I would have a least some of the same feelings. This sounds like his male ego is pretty bruised because you are having to live in the conditions you are (I would feel like I was not being a good provider). This would have a pretty devastating effect on me. The best thing you could do for me is continue to hug me occasionally but try not to take it to heart if I didn't respond the way you wanted me to. He probably has a lot of depressed emotions centered around this problem that he doesn't even understand and is trying to sort through them. Knowing when to show affection and when to give him room in that kind of situation is a difficult balancing act.
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me get the love and intimacy back in my marriage!

Stonewall, this is not a new problem, he has been acting like this for at least a year and a half.. way before we sold our house and such. Our situation is just temporary and has nothing to do with his ability to take care of us. We close on our condo in a couple weeks.
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Old 09-09-2011, 09:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me get the love and intimacy back in my marriage!

Talk to him about how you feel rejected when he turns you away. He's been doing this for 1.5 year. I can understand how you would be upset.
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Old 09-09-2011, 01:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me get the love and intimacy back in my marriage!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa3girls View Post
Stonewall, this is not a new problem, he has been acting like this for at least a year and a half.. way before we sold our house and such. Our situation is just temporary and has nothing to do with his ability to take care of us. We close on our condo in a couple weeks.
Dang gotta learn not to shoot off the hip.

My bad!!!!

I had just woke up this morning and guess I read to much into it. Sorry!
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Old 09-09-2011, 03:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me get the love and intimacy back in my marriage!

what was it like before the past 1.5 years? did you reject his hugs for whatever reason? is he just reacting to how life has been? has past discussions of issues he has had resulted in him being ignored/put down/treated with contempt?

this is rarely a one-sided issue and only god knows how it started. but talking to him is paramount. try making baby steps in the conversation. don't look for resolution in one talk.
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