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Old 11-29-2011, 08:15 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: To have sex everyday or to not have sex everyday...

Hi DazednConfused2011, I am new to this site and I came across your post (I got on this site because I needed some support, in reference to the same situation as you). I was wondering if any of the suggestions worked or did you actually tell him how you felt and his reaction to what you said.

I made a post on yesterday in the sex and marriage forum needing suggestions on how to handle the same deal. Fourtanley my husband doesnt wake me up (ANYMORE) at 3 and 5 am because he need to wake up at 4am to get ready for work, however I cant even count the days he has actually has waken me up in the wee hours in the morning for sex. HOWEVER as soon as he gets off from work and reach home at 5pm by 7by he has had his first "fix" and wants more by 10pm before he lay down for the night. His daily schedule may consisit of waking, working, F**king, eating, video game, F**king, sleeping...and starting over the next day the same routine. And of course (like you) I enjoy it as much as the next guy, however (to me) when it starts getting into a routine and begins to feel like a daily task or chore it bothers me ESPECIALLY when he gets upset when I try to sit down and talk to him about it, and how I feel that it is unselfish of him to not to think about me and how I feel when it come down to sex EVERYDAY! We DONT use/need toys, he watches porn just as much as I do, where that is not a factor (for which I dont think, to me is like watching a regular NBC 8pm line-up, it doesnt affect us like that, we BOTH believe its something fun to watch, where we both dont get turned on or excited from it, we watch it because we both like it...its really nothing behind the porn watching) we dont play sex games or nothing crazy like that for which we/I both think is a waste of time. I got things to do and really dont have time for all the extra cirrcular bed room activites. When its time to do it, I like to get straight to the punch. However there are no sexully limitations in the bed room whatever he wants to try or do WE DO IT as long as it consist of me and him. HOWEVER AGAIN, the everyday sexual desire kills me....and the lady on here that stated she went through a 8 month sex spell... I THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST!!!! however you also stated that you and your H did not have sex everyday (even though he wanted to) I think if you guys had sex everyday, i dont think you would have went through that spell.
I too hate to tell him no, just because he reacts just like your H (A spoiled brat that can not have his way) and being a mother when you see a spolied brat that is crying,screaming and yelling because they cant have there way the first thing you want to do is beat the hell out of a kid. And that honestly be the first thing I want to do to him is punch him dead in the face for acting childish over something that he gets EVERYDAY! We have been married for 12 years and started having sex about 4-5 times a week, but until a year ago its been 6-7 times a week. Since OCT 19th it has been EVERYDAY!!! And of course the minute I say hubby Im tired I just wanna go to sleep, it turns into...oh who did you have sex with today(WHAT???? ARE YOU SERIOUS????) anyway...DazednConfused2011, I feel your pain and I completely understand I really just want some ansewrs, guidance and prayers.... I am going to check out those books that the 8 month spell lady suggested.
BTW... I am 33 years old with a 14 year old.
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Old 11-29-2011, 11:53 AM   #17 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=SimplyAmorous;424058]Your husband sounds EXACTLY like I was (yes a woman) when My sex drive went through the roof , I seriously CRAVED it 3 times a day. I had some kind of testosterone Boost in my body, the wave lasted a full 8 months. Not sure why but it is all I could think about, I would lay there at night waiting till am to jump on him, and if I didn't get it, I would start feeling he didn't desire me, he is loosing his sex drive, I would play this over in my mind -that he is slowing down- and I wished he was younger again so he could give it to me 3 times a day, I felt we missed the best years of our life. It was not an easy time for me personally. Looking back this is rather amusing -because I even sent him to the Docs to get his Test checked. AT that time, I didn't know men slow down as they age , I was so clueless.

I have calmed down since then. ha ha but I am sooo glad I had this experience. It has opened my eyes to how MEN feel.

The fact your husband wants to be with you so very much over masterbating or looking at porn is a beautiful thing, he loves being close to you, he craves it. I am only leaving this response here -just to give you some idea of how it is--on the other side.QUOTE]

Add to all of those feelings actual physical pain if you get aroused and are unable to do anything about it and you have nailed the life of the teenage male exactly...

If we could all only spend a month in the other's shoes and truly understand how it feels, not just intellectually, how much better would we all get along?

In this specific case, it sounds like he needs to add a healthy dose of respect and things could improve a lot. I'm sure there are some who would like being woken up, in fact I think some magazines recommend it as a way to "spice things up" but when you need sleep, sometimes it just is not the thing to do. And I was concerned by the comment about ignoring your "No" and doing it anyway. That just doesn't sound good.

Good luck with the talk, do your best to make him hear you.
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Old 11-29-2011, 11:54 AM   #18 (permalink)
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OK, apparently I don't have the quote thing down yet. Time to read the help files...
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:31 PM   #19 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=PM1;495775]
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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
Your husband sounds EXACTLY like I was (yes a woman) when My sex drive went through the roof , I seriously CRAVED it 3 times a day. I had some kind of testosterone Boost in my body, the wave lasted a full 8 months. Not sure why but it is all I could think about, I would lay there at night waiting till am to jump on him, and if I didn't get it, I would start feeling he didn't desire me, he is loosing his sex drive, I would play this over in my mind -that he is slowing down- and I wished he was younger again so he could give it to me 3 times a day, I felt we missed the best years of our life. It was not an easy time for me personally. Looking back this is rather amusing -because I even sent him to the Docs to get his Test checked. AT that time, I didn't know men slow down as they age , I was so clueless.

I have calmed down since then. ha ha but I am sooo glad I had this experience. It has opened my eyes to how MEN feel.

The fact your husband wants to be with you so very much over masterbating or looking at porn is a beautiful thing, he loves being close to you, he craves it. I am only leaving this response here -just to give you some idea of how it is--on the other side.QUOTE]

Add to all of those feelings actual physical pain if you get aroused and are unable to do anything about it and you have nailed the life of the teenage male exactly...

If we could all only spend a month in the other's shoes and truly understand how it feels, not just intellectually, how much better would we all get along?

In this specific case, it sounds like he needs to add a healthy dose of respect and things could improve a lot. I'm sure there are some who would like being woken up, in fact I think some magazines recommend it as a way to "spice things up" but when you need sleep, sometimes it just is not the thing to do. And I was concerned by the comment about ignoring your "No" and doing it anyway. That just doesn't sound good.

Good luck with the talk, do your best to make him hear you.
Thanks for your reply!
He doesnt wake me up ANYMORE because he now has to get up at 4am, so thats a good thing....but yeah, just doing it anyway just to avoid his childish antics is where I am at....sad

I know he loves me and cares and all that stuff. When we have those soft talks, he will tell me the reason why he wants to have sex with me SO MUCH is because I simply just turn him on...so my reply to him sounds like this... Baby I just walked in the room and turned on the light, how did that turn you on? he will say something like...because the reflection from the light hit your ass and it looked like it was glowing. ???? LOL yes some off the wall sh*t like that....LOL anyway...i guess im going to have to wait until my 8 month spell but until then, i'd rather just go back to the 4-5 times a week not a full blast 7. I just want some rest,,,,

Last edited by shannypooh; 11-29-2011 at 12:40 PM. Reason: wanted to add more content.
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Old 11-29-2011, 01:31 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Yes, you are what you eat =)

Feed him an animal you'll get an animal, feed him a vegetable and he'll become...
Gotta love that one...
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Old 11-29-2011, 01:56 PM   #21 (permalink)
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In this hormone book ... http://www.amazon.com/Alchemy-Love-L.../dp/0671004441 .... it says the younger 20 somethings men are best matched sexually with late 30's -early 40's yr olds women (those awakening Cougars)... I couldn't agree more ! And men in their late 40's are often a good match sexually for early 20's women cause their sex drives are more similar (statistically anyway) ..... but LOVE can conquer all -if both spouses come together and truly care for one anothers needs.... whether it be emotional for the woman and physically sexual for the man.

Now I am known as the "8 month spell lady" - I was laughing at that.

PM1 , that is EXACTLY how I often described it -that I stepped into the body of a raging hormonal teen male . To this day, I am not sure how any of them can get any homework done with their mind & loins on fire like that. I would have been seriously peed off if I could not touch and "take" my husband, I learned through that , he LIKED aggressive women, what a blessing , because I became just that !

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Old 11-29-2011, 02:07 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I found that "lifting cars" helped me pass the teen years (not actually lifting them off the ground, but grabbing a bumper and pulling it up like I was trying). Burned off some of the excess energy.

The worst was when my GF at the time came over when my parents were gone and thought showering together would be cool. It was, but we were not active so that was as far as it went. I literally could barely walk all that day at work. Oh, the fond memories...
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Old 11-30-2011, 08:20 AM   #23 (permalink)
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In this hormone book ... Amazon.com: The Alchemy of Love and Lust (9780671004446): Theresa L. Crenshaw: Books .... it says the younger 20 somethings men are best matched sexually with late 30's -early 40's yr olds women (those awakening Cougars)... I couldn't agree more ! And men in their late 40's are often a good match sexually for early 20's women cause their sex drives are more similar (statistically anyway) ..... but LOVE can conquer all -if both spouses come together and truly care for one anothers needs.... whether it be emotional for the woman and physically sexual for the man.

Now I am known as the "8 month spell lady" - I was laughing at that.

PM1 , that is EXACTLY how I often described it -that I stepped into the body of a raging hormonal teen male . To this day, I am not sure how any of them can get any homework done with their mind & loins on fire like that. I would have been seriously peed off if I could not touch and "take" my husband, I learned through that , he LIKED aggressive women, what a blessing , because I became just that !

.

Thank You 8 month spell lady,

I appreciate your advise and sharing your knowledge that you have found helpful through these interesting reads. I am going to check out the books you suggested to get a better understanding for my H sex drive. As they say, The more you know....
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Old 11-30-2011, 03:05 PM   #24 (permalink)
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My husband and I have only been married for less than 2 years so we are no longer interested in the 3 times a day thing. HAHA We would probably do it everyday still, except that we realized the first year in that the sex was much better if we waited a few days in between. Too much of a good thing, you know? Anyway, I also knew early on that my husband had a hormonal imbalance. He wanted to do it like a rabbit all the time. Now he is more easy going about sex.
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Old 11-30-2011, 03:29 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Thank You 8 month spell lady,

I appreciate your advise and sharing your knowledge that you have found helpful through these interesting reads. I am going to check out the books you suggested to get a better understanding for my H sex drive. As they say, The more you know....
I sometimes wonder if I am any help on here, cause I go on & on about these things that likely sound outragous to some women. I so appreciate your hearing and.... believing.

I get ANGRY at myself NOW in my mid 40's for NOT being what I needed to be for my husband back then, and this is the only thing I can accually do to make up for that, ya know- cause he ain't feeling it now the way he used to. This is kind of a cruel joke God plays on us. I wish I had a sexual mentor back then, da** what a blessing it would have been, or I picked up the right books on sex.

So all I can do is try to get other young women/wives to learn of these things -so it will help their marraiges. My husband NEVER nagged or pushed me for sex like MOST husbands do...(would you believe I was mad at him for this -after my drive went up, I feel his holding back cheated us both!!)..... what he did instead was "suffer in silence"- though we always had sex at least once a week -cause by then I was craving it like MAD too, I alwyas had a decent sex drive, but I don't think he knew that, cause we never talked about it -ever in 19 yrs. He would have loved at least once a day back then, but I was sexually repressed somewhat and very uneducated about the male sex drive -obviously.

So good for you ! This will only enhance your marraige. I just hope your husband gives you all YOU need as well -emotionally affectionally, communcatively, his time, his love. Mine always did --so really, I am the one who screwed things up back then, he was always wonderful to me, I had zero complaints about him. His problem was he was too respectful, even too unselfish, you don't hear women say that one too much!

I am seriously nothing like my husband, if these roles would have been reversed, I would have been a nagging lunatic to get sex. I just know me too well. So again, I can relate to men and their irritating ways. That crazy drive of mine has passed, though it still ticks me off that we NEVER had that special "hopping like bunny rabbits time" of 3 times a day like so many young people experinced.

Sorry if I already repeated some of this, but what we have now is ......we still have sex 4-6 times a week, but what drives us is purely the emotional connection. I am not feeling that LUST like I was- kinda miss it -da** it ! Wish it would come back but I think my time has passed.
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Old 12-10-2011, 07:30 AM   #26 (permalink)
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With 2 kids, every day is just too much. Talk to him and explain that this frequency can or will make you dislike it, and see if he can get down to every other days.

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Hello,

I've been reading a lot of posts on here about pretty much the same topic "My husband wants sex too much/every day" Mainly, because I am having the same problem and because I am completely confused on what I should do in this situation.
In the threads I've read the moral of the story was "Talk to him" and "Compromise" and I completely agree. I'm planning on talking to him. And talking to him completely honestly at that.
The thing is...when I'm honest with him about these issues...he tends to get very defensive and angry at my honesty. Let me back up a bit and voice my issue.

Me and my husband have been married 9 years. I'm 27 and he's 30. We've got 2 kids and they're 7 and 5. They're easy to take care of, they're fantastic kids, I couldn't have asked for better. That being said, my issue isn't that I'm too tired from taking care of them and I don't want sex.
My issue is that me and my husband have sex nearly -everday-. And I don't phone-it-in either. I truly do enjoy it. But, when he's waking me up at say 5AM or...even 3AM. I'm just not really in that kind of mood -right when I wake up-. Thats not to say I don't -ever- do it at those times but -sometimes- I just don't want to. Most of the time I'll cave in and do it anyway but sometimes I'll really say no but then he gets mad and sometimes he just doesn't care and pushes me into it anyway. (which I think is kind of unfair, like what I want doesn't matter, right?) But not only does he want it in the wee hours of the morning, he also wants it before bed and when he takes a nap during the day. So by my calculations thats 3 times a day, 7 times a week.

Is it just me, or does that seem like -a bit- much?

This morning, I said no. And today before he left for classes, he said "So, you gotta tell me when a good time for you is because you don't ever want to do it anymore."

What am I supposed to do with that? Am I supposed to just be like "Ok, we'll set a scheduled time and only have sex then." or do I just say "Ok, we'll do it whenever you want." Either way sounds like a bum deal to me. And I'm not sure what kind of compromise he'd be willing to work out. Last time we had this fight he thought I was -cheating- on him. Which is entirely ridiculous.

Sometimes, I'm just not in that mood. I don't know why but it seems like every time he's in this "i want sex all the time" mood and I'm in that "I kind don't want sex that much" mood. It's like we're on seperate pages that are like..kind of next to each other but not close enough to be on the same side.

Today, when he gets home I'm going to be completely honest with him. Even if it makes him mad to hear how I'm feeling. I just don't care anymore, if he can't understand that sometimes I'm just not in that mood, even if I'm not tired and not exhausted.

What I'm wondering is, how do I help him understand that this actually happens? As a guy, it's like he can't ever imagine a time when he -doesn't- want sex. How can I help him understand that women aren't the same that way? How can I help him understand that it's not that I don't want him or that I don't want to have sex anymore and that it's just that I'm not feeling this way -all the time-? I'm afraid he might get offended if I tell him something like that. He takes things personally sometimes and gets super-mad. how can I help him understand that I'm not just trying to hurt him?

I really am Dazed 'n Confused.
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