cheated on spouse with an old flame.........

Confused76 · 10-04-2007, 11:31 AM

My husband and i have a child together, almost 2 and i recently had an intimate moment with an old flame whihc i never thought i would ever do. my husband and i have been having a lot of problems financially and emotionally. i have felt that my life has been stripped away. we have a 15 yr age gap between us and he has older children, which i have always found to be rude and disrespectufl. i have changed myself for this guy and want my youth back. he has shown no interest, but recently an old flame is back and i thought there was nothing there, but there is something and we slept together one night, i regretted that. i stopped it and couldn't go on. i know my husband loves me so much, but i feel that he just can't give me what i need and is controlling my life. i think he wants me to continue to be this person who is controlled by him,,but i don't want that. i told him i thought of separating and he couldn't udnerstand why.......he thought everything was fine. we are now in counseling...............i don't know what to do. i haven't been intimate w/the other guy b/c i don't want ot make things worse. my husband has no clue but i think he suspects something.....i just want to give my daughter a good life and not live on watching every penny i make. it's a long story, but i had to admit this to someone who has no clue about me.

tater03 · 10-04-2007, 12:21 PM

I do understand what you are saying and I feel that if you are in counseling and you still have feeling for this other person this needs to come out. It is a wedge between you two that is always there it seems. What I don't understand though is your comment about not wanting to live watching every penny. I do understand that also but I just don't feel that is a good reason to end any marriage unless your husband refuses to contribute financially to the household.

draconis · 10-04-2007, 01:31 PM

Having an affair for any reason isn't justifiable. But you need to decide what you want from your life and go with it. Yes being tight with money is hard. My wife and I lost quite a bit a few years ago and went from living well to scratching for everything we can. But the love was always there too. We made it through the storm together.

Keep us updated.

draconis

mamab · 10-04-2007, 11:10 PM

I'm sure that the temptation to cheat is worse when things are strained between you and your husband, but you can't NOT tell him. He deserves to know the truth. Counseling is a good place to be for you right now, I think.

MrsLV · 10-05-2007, 07:39 AM

First I'd like to say that I'm sorry that you and your husband have gone through problems. It breaks my heart when I hear about marriages suffering.

Though I can't freely advise on this because I've not been in that same situation in my marriage-but I can just offer that counseling is a wonderful thing and that hopefully you'll do the right thing by confessing to your infidelity and hopefully forgivness will come into place within your marriage.

I wish you two luck.

draconis · 10-05-2007, 08:45 AM

First let me say I never condone cheating, But experts don't think revealing the truth is 100% needed. I do suggest counciling though. If you choose to let him know do it at the right time and let him know easy. For me I found my first wife in the act. My heart dropped. I was never over weight but managed to lose 40 pounds in six months to the point i was sickly. I wish you the best of luck on moving on from here and hope you keep us updated.

draconis

chccamaro · 10-31-2007, 11:27 PM

I think it is great that you are going to counseling and trying to work things out...but the main point of this is...if you are not happy where you are and it does not sound like you truly are....it is not fair to you or to him to keep the marriage going...I always feel that divorce should be the last thing to happen but if one of the partners is not happy it will eventually take a toll on the relationship and cause stress between both partners. This is just my opinion...I have been in my relationship for about four years...I am very secure with things and would NEVER cheat on him even if the situation arose and it has. The fact that you did may indicate that you really are not happy. But kudos for wanting to work on your marriage...it shows that you do care about him and his feelings as well as your own and you are to be commended.

Also, you mentioned something about his children being older and not the most welcoming. They should respect you no matter what your age.

alwaysalone · 11-17-2007, 01:46 PM

I know what it's like to be controlled and it's not fun. And it makes you do things you would not normally do. I have been in a situation with an ex and it went farther than it should have but I stopped it just in time. At least you are in counseling with your husband because mine would never go. When I went by myself for another reason he was asked to come and he told me that it was my problem not his.

Good luck!