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post #76 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-22-2015, 01:47 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

In the are where I live, the older men, if they have the means, go to poor countries to find young females. It is very much a status thing for a man to have a daughter or granddaughter age wife, and make babies in his late 50s, 60s and 70s. If the wife is younger she can do the running around, earning money, caring for the child and caring for her elder husband. That's why they want a YOUNG one because there is less miles on her engine.

When a man has a wife the age of his kids, he feels pretty good about himself. When the woman giving him eldercare is still hot, he feels really good about himself. Men lose status when the women they are partnered with are as old and worn out as they are.

He can impart everything the child needs to know while he's in his 80s.


Word. If anything, his comment was HIGHLY responsible.
I think what the OP meant though was not to father children himself at 58, rather met a younger woman with a child of her own that he could help parent.
OP, is that what you are looking for because there are plenty of women that would love and older and probably a well established man to help them raise their child?
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post #77 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-22-2015, 02:19 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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That's a surprise to me..the woman my H had an EA with is young enough to be his daughter...
A lot of women like being on the receiving end of an EA. It means that they get a lot of attention without having "to put out."
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post #78 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 12:58 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.

I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.

There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."

I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.

So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.

There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.

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post #79 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 07:16 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.

I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.

There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."

I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.

So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.

There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.

Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here.

Even though I am in such a relationship I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older. And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.

And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone.

My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.
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post #80 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 07:21 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here.

Even though I am in such a relationship I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older. And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.

And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone.

My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.
I had the same thought (in bold) upon reading the OP of this thread.

The Road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can --
pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins some larger way,
where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say.
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post #81 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 07:24 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
I had the same thought (in bold) upon reading the OP of this thread.
Well great minds do think alike

It's like an obese person b!tching that only obese people are interested. Why can't they have the gym rat they want?
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post #82 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 09:44 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Well great minds do think alike

It's like an obese person b!tching that only obese people are interested. Why can't they have the gym rat they want?
Wait... you mean my baby blues, epic beard, and stunning personality aren't enough to land me a date w/ Jen Selter?

Damn.

The Road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can --
pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins some larger way,
where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say.
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post #83 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 11:54 PM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here.

Even though I am in such a relationship I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older. And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.

And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone.

My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.
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I was thinking that, too--though I couldn't quite put my finger on it to put it into words, but you said it perfectly. My first thought was, what's wrong with the women your age? I know lots of beautiful, vivacious, single women in their 50s, and to be frank, it p!sses me off when I hear of men like the OP who don't seem to think that women his own age are worth dating.

And you are so very right about the baggage thing... which is just ridiculous. There are plenty of women "their own age" (whatever age that is) that don't have baggage.

Regarding your H being so much older than you--it sounds like you got one with good genes! (And who is intent on maintaining his health for a long time.)

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post #84 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-24-2015, 12:53 AM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

The desire to be a dad at 58 warrants counseling to sort out why you want to do something that is so zany and self-centered before you date anyone of any age.

Your question assumes a false generalization to be true so that indicates a lack of communication and/or analytical abilities

You assume women don't like you because of your age instead of your false limiting beliefs, argumentative disposition demonstrated in your posts, and very odd and self-centered desire to be a dad at 58.

None of these things are attractive to most woman of any age.

Some women are attracted to older men and it's a sizable amount.

Younger women are attracted to men that want to be dads and that is a sizable amount.

Younger women that want their children to have a 58 year old father are a sliver of a small minority if there are any at all.

Scrap this whole idea and get some counseling to examine your motives and do a self-check when you form your questions to see if there are absurd false over-generalizations in them and you will be headed in the right direction

Last edited by thread the needle; 08-24-2015 at 12:59 AM.
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post #85 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-24-2015, 02:49 AM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here.

Even though I am in such a relationship I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older. And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.

And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone.

My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.
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That is why you see so many of them in the Philippines and other parts of SE Asia married to women half their age starting on second families. Unfortunately, many get burnt, wife ensures her name is on his property/assets then runs off with younger man leaves him high and dry. In Singapore it is a national joke how many older men have given up their families and lost their retirement funds all for the love of a younger woman (China doll), it seems to happen every where. Some of these man are well educated, what happens, I don't know.
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post #86 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-24-2015, 03:04 AM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

Sometimes I think older men claim to want young children again to justify their wanting exclusively younger women.
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post #87 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-24-2015, 03:28 AM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

I have always dated older men and by that I mean 5 -10 yrs older at the most bc for me anyone older than that is not at all appealing. More than 10 yr older and they just look, well old. And that is for any age group, 20's 30's 40's.

My sister (46) recently went on a coffee date with a man in his late 50's and while she said he was a nice man, he was just too old.

Sorry to disillusion you but men age as do women and many women do not like men old enough to be their dad.
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post #88 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-24-2015, 05:31 AM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.

I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.

There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."

I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.

So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.

There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.
FIP, I felt exactly as you do (I am 34), almost could have written your words myself,especially about wanting to share experiences with someone your age and not a man who has gone through it before. That was exactly my mindset post divorce and healing.

Then, I met my 16 year older SO (OKC), and I said the same to him when it was clear that there was more than a spark between us. He initially reached out to me. I would never have known about him otherwise.

You have to pursue what you know is best for you, so I'm not trying to convince you otherwise, but I reassessed my "rules" once I realized that my SO accepted me completely, loved me deeply, and had the experience and maturity that surpassed all the other dates I'd been on with men my age. I'm not saying that ready, younger men don't exist, but they're rare. I'd been in an 8 month relationship with a man exactly my age, same stage (only hadn't ever been married) and while on paper we seemed perfect, wanted the same things, LAUGHED like I hadn't in years, he wasn't at he level of maturity to practice what he liked to preach to me.

I made dating a fun and frequent activity, so I could really get out there and find my match, but honestly I found it in my SO much more completely than I had in men my age. The struggle was emotionally intense. I remember the inner conversation I had with myself when I was considering cutting contact and running away from him.

I am very, very glad I didn't. The reality is, I may not have found my ideal, but my ideal couldn't have chosen this man, who fits what I needed rather than what I wanted... If that makes sense...

I would say to anyone, never compromise on what you are sure you want (my SO knows there are non-negotiables by being in a relationship with me), but at the same time, be wary of closing yourself to opportunity because of those wants.

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post #89 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-24-2015, 06:02 AM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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FIP, I felt exactly as you do (I am 34), almost could have written your words myself,especially about wanting to share experiences with someone your age and not a man who has gone through it before. That was exactly my mindset post divorce and healing.

Then, I met my 16 year older SO (OKC), and I said the same to him when it was clear that there was more than a spark between us. He initially reached out to me. I would never have known about him otherwise.

You have to pursue what you know is best for you, so I'm not trying to convince you otherwise, but I reassessed my "rules" once I realized that my SO accepted me completely, loved me deeply, and had the experience and maturity that surpassed all the other dates I'd been on with men my age. I'm not saying that ready, younger men don't exist, but they're rare. I'd been in an 8 month relationship with a man exactly my age, same stage (only hadn't ever been married) and while on paper we seemed perfect, wanted the same things, LAUGHED like I hadn't in years, he wasn't at he level of maturity to practice what he liked to preach to me.

I made dating a fun and frequent activity, so I could really get out there and find my match, but honestly I found it in my SO much more completely than I had in men my age. The struggle was emotionally intense. I remember the inner conversation I had with myself when I was considering cutting contact and running away from him.

I am very, very glad I didn't. The reality is, I may not have found my ideal, but my ideal couldn't have chosen this man, who fits what I needed rather than what I wanted... If that makes sense...

I would say to anyone, never compromise on what you are sure you want (my SO knows there are non-negotiables by being in a relationship with me), but at the same time, be wary of closing yourself to opportunity because of those wants.
You express where I am right now with regard to my attitudes about dating. When I got divorced in 2010, I dated quite a bit and would not have considered dating a man 10 years older. I was 37 when I got divorced.

Now that I'm "divorced" (failed reconciliation/never remarried) again, I'm way more open to dating an older man because of what I've gone through and what I've learned the last 5 years. As I read this thread yesterday (and didn't comment) I was trying to figure out how to put into words why I felt this way, and what I've bolded above explains it well.

I'm not at the point where I'm ready/willing to date right now at all, but when I do, I'd be open to a more mature gentleman if he has his **** together.
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post #90 of 119 (permalink) Old 08-26-2015, 06:10 AM
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Re: Why don't women like older men?

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.

I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.

There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."

I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.

So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.

There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.
That makes sense. My husband is two years older than myself. I like that he's slightly older but not too much. We grew up with the same movies and music and can talk about stupid stuff we wore in high school that was "in" at the time. It's fun.
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