Are there that many Jack A$$ men - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

User Tag List

 236Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-11-2016, 08:55 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 838
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

So your wife smiles at men, touches them, wears low cut clothing and somehow manages to let you know what is happening. She needs to not touch men (does she also touch the fat guy in IT who spells a little funky).

Bobby5000 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-11-2016, 09:25 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,546
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Here's an example of what can happen from this kind of behaviour, even if it was meant as a "joke"

Marcel Aubut resigns as COC head after sexual harassment allegations | CTV News

People need to act professional in the workplace, including networking events. Save the innuendo, etc. for home. I'm petite and objectively quite attractive (note: I really don't care about such things, smart >> pretty ). I rarely get hit on b/c I don't present an accepting vibe to that kind of thing. If anything, men are a bit afraid of me that way I think, and I'm good with that.

Tell your wife to err on the side of classy to avoid this kind of thing in future.

EDIT - to be clear, I don't think the women involved with M.Aubut were at fault at all, just saying there are obvious behaviours like your wife's to avoid.

Last edited by sapientia; 03-11-2016 at 10:15 PM.
sapientia is offline  
post #18 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-11-2016, 09:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 645
So it's ok to make advances on a woman if you're married but totally unhappy? Jeez.
stephscarlett is offline  
 
post #19 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-11-2016, 09:43 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,500
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Quote:
Originally Posted by think positive View Post
So my wife works in the financial field. There have been several instances where she has received unwelcomed advances from coworkers or x-cowerkers while attending offsite company parties.

Like many women she is a "toucher" and perhaps men cannot decipher freeindly touching vs. flirting. There have been 4 men over the past year that have not subtly propositioned her. These men all know she is married and still pursue aggressively. I am by no means an angel in the case that I find many women attractive and am guilty of wondering what they may be like to be with sexually, admired their lady parts, face or whatever...OK to be truthful I look at women and admire them and even am aroused by other women, but would never actually make advances. I would only do that if I were totally unhappy.

I should point out that spouses are not involved in these outings but, perhaps men are assuming "hey if she is out without her hubby..."

My questions are;

1-Are there men that are that clueless that they can't diffentiate between "hey you are nice" and "I want to fu$% you.
Most men tend to err on the side of "I want to fvck you", whereas most women tend to err on the side of "You are nice" (or actually, "you are creepy"). This is due to the differing biological cost to each sex of making an error of the opposite type; that is, for a man to assume that a woman is not interested in sex is to miss a chance at a relatively free reproductive opportunity, whereas for a woman to assume that a man is willing to support the result of such an encounter is very hazardous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by think positive View Post

2-Is it a fishing contest IE if I ask 25 women for no-strings extramarital fling that some will bit?
Yes. See above.


Quote:
Originally Posted by think positive View Post

3-She has a big rack and candidly doesn't disquise them (though she in no way could be accused of dressing ****ty (though some of her outfits can be revealing especially when she bends over). I don't relish her being oogled or hit on but, on the other hand don't expect her to dress like a nun as a result.
She should not wear outfits that are so revealing, other than for you. Period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by think positive View Post

4) Could she be unknowingly putting out a vibe. She has come home upset about these advances. Part of me is not sure if she is trying to let me know that she is still attractive to other men (though not sure if I am being strange).
Possibly. How old is she?

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"

Last edited by tech-novelist; 03-11-2016 at 09:46 PM. Reason: screwed up formatting
tech-novelist is offline  
post #20 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-12-2016, 10:46 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,164
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Quote:
Originally Posted by sapientia View Post
Here's an example of what can happen from this kind of behaviour, even if it was meant as a "joke"

Marcel Aubut resigns as COC head after sexual harassment allegations | CTV News
.
At least he had the class to admit that his behaviour was inapprooriate, and that he would adjust it accordingly. He didn't feel the need to blame the women for what they were wearing or how attractive they were.
always_alone is offline  
post #21 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-12-2016, 11:13 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,728
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

I work with lots of women. There are a couple of attractive women there. Married. The way they carry themselves and act in a dignified way, I, nor any other men I work with, would consider flirting with them. They don't touch men, they don't make sexual jokes, they don't wear revealing clothing.
Part of this problem is likely your wife. As I said, men don't like rejection and they have to think there's a chance or they won't pursue. Now, if your wife is THAT darned good looking, some if it might be men that are dumb, or men that are just *******s, or men that are fishing as you said.
Posted via Mobile Device
Evinrude58 is online now  
post #22 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-12-2016, 04:32 PM
Member
 
katiecrna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,469
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

The whole thing about if women dress a certain way invites sexual advances is such bull**** to me. Yes we like to look nice, and maybe we like to show off our figure, we only have one life and our body won't look this good forever. Wanting to look good, and even get compliments from people is not the same as aggressive sexual advances! If someone is wearing a wedding ring, they are off limits! Come on people have some respect. Say you look nice, and keep it moving.
Men have this horrible idea in their sexist heads that if women dress a certain way they are "asking for it". That is 100% WRONG and its what men tell themselves to make them feel better about being the scum bags they really are. "Um well look at what she is wearing" Insert-> blame it on her.
People today have no respect for marriage. If you see someone with a wedding ring on, please keep it moving. The end.
There is such a glorified, romantic notion about having an affair, or being the exciting mistress to a married man, or how exciting it must be. The reality is... Affairs are horrible, and they always end up bad. They are never like the dream you make them out to be.
To the OP... Yes there are a lot of stupid, bad men out there.
katiecrna is offline  
post #23 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-12-2016, 10:51 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 805
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Men have been chasing women since prehistoric times and it ain't going to stop.
Now that we have established that buddy, stop making excuses for your wife and blaming men.
(1) women in business ,especially in a male dominated office , do not need to be dressing in revealing attire. And ladies stop the bull **** about you it's fine to put your boobs out there for everyone to see because you are only young once. No, a woman's dress does not make it OK to sexually harass her, but your wife knows Damm well if she is in business what is BUSINESS ATTIRE , and what is attire she would wear to happy hour or a GNO.
(2) women get pursued from the moment they hit puberty and your wife is obviously putting out some vibes, even unintentionally, to get aggressively hit on constantly. My wife is 5"8" with blond hair down past her should blades, is an ex major college cheerleader, and she can make you feel like ice water has been poured on your balls by just her look at you. Tell your wife to keep her hands OFF other men. It really ****ing works.

Yes there are ****heads in every industry, but if this is a constant, then your wife needs to figure out how to take some simple steps to stop it.

And by the way, there is the really simple thing like telling some ass hole at work that propositions her that the next time he does it she will be in HR quicker than he can blink.

If this is a problem so large that you are posting here, your wife is the solution, not complaining about men
straightshooter is offline  
post #24 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 12:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3,943
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Good evening
sexual innuendo, touching, flirting do not belong in the workplace. Its to easy for signs to be misread, boundaries crossed.
richardsharpe is offline  
post #25 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 03:57 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,164
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Quote:
Originally Posted by straightshooter View Post
Men have been chasing women since prehistoric times and it ain't going to stop.
Now that we have established that buddy, stop making excuses for your wife and blaming men.
Yep, there it is: boys will be boys and it is women's responsibility to manage their sexuality because they won't do it themselves.

Sad that this is such a prevailing attitude.

always_alone is offline  
post #26 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 07:17 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Haiku's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 3,427
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

In the workplace she should consider modifying her behavior to not be a 'toucher'. Not only can it be misunderstood by that person, nearby coworkers can misunderstand in the same way and label her as well as possibly lead to rumors and injure reputations.
Haiku is offline  
post #27 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 09:27 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 255
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

The problem is you don't really know how your wife behaves at these functions. It could easily be that you would find her behaviour inappropriate if you were to watch her. A big part of communication and especially sexual communication is nonverbal, its smiling, eye contact, body posture, touching, tone of voice, laughing etc.
Some people are not self-aware enough to recognize what signals they are sending out. Some are and they decide to not send these signals to not provoke unwanted reactions and some use these signals for boosting their ego when they get hit on (and some use them to get something going).
I don't think your wife is too shy to tell these men to eff off because I don't think she would be in this industry if she weren't able to handle herself. Threaten with HR if they continue to pursue and go to HR if they do. Because in that case they are just a-holes. But she should analyse her behaviour and the image she projects to others by her behaviour and clothing. More professional distance can help her, button up one or two more buttons of her blouse won't hurt either. Is there alcohol involved in these events?

And as others have said, it's not unlikely that she likes the attention she gets from those men and from you after telling you about it. This is most likely a big gray area and not an issue of black and white (complete antisocial a-holes vs helpless innocent wife), it's human interaction and it takes two to dance.
rzmpf is offline  
post #28 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 11:43 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,164
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Quote:
Originally Posted by intheory View Post

It's also interesting that you wouldn't see a guy (other than a rock star or bartender) going to work in the type of outfit I described. Why? Because men expect to be taken seriously for what they have to contribute as an employee: their brains, their education and training, their ideas. I'd encourage women to strive for the same.
I find it odd that you are assuming that OPs wife is showing up in the sort of inappropriate attire you describe above. He said quite clearly that she didn't dress like a slvt, just that maybe she could try harder to cover up.

This, as you are already well aware, difficult for a woman with large breasts. You can wear a turtleneck and a blazer, and still some people will be noticing your breasts, and refusing to take your seriously for your education, brains, and competence.

At my work, I would say the majority of guys are quite able to remain professional, to focus on the job, rather than on a woman's boobs, and to refrain from propositioning their co-workers or making inappropriate comments. Then there are those who can't, and I really don't understand why we should be making excuses for them or bending over backwards to accommodate their lack of self control.

Everybody has the responsibility of remaining professional in the workplace and should not be foisting that responsibility onto someone else.

As for dress code, it varies from place to place. In the article posted earlier, the guy was working with Olympic athletes who routinely wear sports bras and shorty shorts as their professional attire. Does that excuse his harassment of them? Not in the slightest, IMHO.

Intheory, as I said earlier, I totally get that women are expected to take responsibility for men's sexuality. But I don't see it as reasonable or fair. And the same would be true if you were to reverse the sexes. In your example, I *would* hold the women accountable for not being able to keep it in their pants.
always_alone is offline  
post #29 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 11:47 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 805
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Yep, there it is: boys will be boys and it is women's responsibility to manage their sexuality because they won't do it themselves.

Sad that this is such a prevailing attitude.


Well, Always, its obvious you are one of those enlightened women who feels there is no such thing as being accountable for your action and that men are the only ones who need to control themselves.

sorry, there is a difference between appropriate business attire, appropriate business conduct, and keeping your hands off members of the opposite sex in the workplace. you obviously fell its Ok to paraDE AROUND ANY WAY YOU LIKE AND THEN GET PISSED OFF WITH ANY RESPONSE YOU DO NOT LIKE.

OP, if your wife is constantly getting AGGRESSIVELY hit on , and not just looked at or flirted with, you can take it to the bank that she is not doing a hell of a lot to discourage it.

So my advice to you is to ask her why she thinks she is being singled out for this illegal workplace behavior. because I do not believe she is working with a bunch of sexual supermen who are so ignorant that they cannot see that a woman is clearly not interested.
you might want to get her a book on "boundaries"
straightshooter is offline  
post #30 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 12:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 5,164
Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Quote:
Originally Posted by straightshooter View Post
sorry, there is a difference between appropriate business attire, appropriate business conduct, and keeping your hands off members of the opposite sex in the workplace. you obviously fell its Ok to paraDE AROUND ANY WAY YOU LIKE AND THEN GET PISSED OFF WITH ANY RESPONSE YOU DO NOT LIKE.
Again, this assumption that OP's wife is walking around in tassles and a gstring, and giving lap dances to all her male co-workers.

Because if a woman is being hit on *she* is to blame.

No, straightshooter, I do not believe women should be given a free pass for acting unprofessionally. If OP's wife isn't professional in her workplace, isn't following dress codes, isn't doing her job, then she should be called on it, warned, fired.

But why you want to give guys a free pass because the poor dears can't help themselves is beyond me.
always_alone is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Women fall out of love with insecure men earlyforties General Relationship Discussion 242 09-07-2016 03:44 PM
For the men who don't feel love through sex SlowlyGoingCrazy Sex in Marriage 148 01-27-2016 10:35 AM
Reality check. The truth and thoughts of men. lifeiscrazy General Relationship Discussion 57 01-25-2016 09:49 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome