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post #31 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 12:47 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

But why you want to give guys a free pass because the poor dears can't help themselves is beyond me.

No ,the guys do not get a free pass. And not giving them a free pass means keeping her hands off them.

No mention here of what she has done to ward off this unwanted aggressive attention other than to complain or just tell husband.

so ALONE, if you were getting this kind of direct propositions, what would you do, just go home and whiNe to hubby and keep being "handsy' at work???? or maybe she is not whinig but he is noticing it and is blaming it all of the men.

ALONE, do you know how to aggressively tell a man to **** off. my guess is yes. Well, OP has not given any indication his wife is doing anything but putting up with it. If that is the case you tell me WHY????

The point being the OP's wife is an intelligent adult, and it is hard to believe she is just so staggering voluptuous that these men for no reason at all cannot stop slobbering all over her with no outward acceptance or encouragement in body language or verbal communication from her.

My only point is he needs to stop blaming everyone else and not askl his wife why she has not put a stop to it in no uncertain terms. Seems like there is really no need for a forum for her to want to do that.

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post #32 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 03:08 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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Originally Posted by straightshooter View Post

so ALONE, if you were getting this kind of direct propositions, what would you do, just go home and whiNe to hubby and keep being "handsy' at work???? or maybe she is not whinig but he is noticing it and is blaming it all of the men.

ALONE, do you know how to aggressively tell a man to **** off. my guess is yes. Well, OP has not given any indication his wife is doing anything but putting up with it. If that is the case you tell me WHY????
I used to have this supervisor that propositioned me. There was nothing particularly attractive or enticing about me when he asked me to be his sex slave; this was how he treated all of his female staff.

Yes, I am very good at telling people to fvck off and I was able to shut him down. None of my co-workers were able to, however. Because they were concerned about performance reviews, promotions, good references, they felt the need to tread lightly and be polite.

And in many ways, they were right to do so. The behaviour required to get some people to back off is the same kind of behaviour that quickly gets you labeled a b*tch, an ice queen, someone who is *not* a team player and doesn't deserve recognition or promotion, no matter how good the quality of work.

Before OP goes off half-****ed on his wife for being a slvt, he might want to ask which guys are putting her in this position, what role they have, and how many other women in the department are whining about him/them. And whether or not she does risk losing her job for refusing to go along with the workplace "culture".
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post #33 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 03:36 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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Originally Posted by always_alone View Post
Again, this assumption that OP's wife is walking around in tassles and a gstring, and giving lap dances to all her male co-workers.

Because if a woman is being hit on *she* is to blame.

No, straightshooter, I do not believe women should be given a free pass for acting unprofessionally. If OP's wife isn't professional in her workplace, isn't following dress codes, isn't doing her job, then she should be called on it, warned, fired.

But why you want to give guys a free pass because the poor dears can't help themselves is beyond me.
It Isn't the gender issue you are making it.

I have probably had to shut down more unwanted female attention than OP's wife.

Both men and women have to learn to deal with it and shut it down. That is the reality we live in.

Would it be nice if men and women could all handle their shyt and not hit on married people? Yes.

Again, not a gender issue.
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post #34 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 03:43 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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I used to have this supervisor that propositioned me. There was nothing particularly attractive or enticing about me when he asked me to be his sex slave; this was how he treated all of his female staff.

Yes, I am very good at telling people to fvck off and I was able to shut him down. None of my co-workers were able to, however. Because they were concerned about performance reviews, promotions, good references, they felt the need to tread lightly and be polite.

And in many ways, they were right to do so. The behaviour required to get some people to back off is the same kind of behaviour that quickly gets you labeled a b*tch, an ice queen, someone who is *not* a team player and doesn't deserve recognition or promotion, no matter how good the quality of work.

Before OP goes off half-****ed on his wife for being a slvt, he might want to ask which guys are putting her in this position, what role they have, and how many other women in the department are whining about him/them. And whether or not she does risk losing her job for refusing to go along with the workplace "culture".
I agree with not calling her a slvt and checking out her work situation.

I disagree with ever putting up with that behavior or toxic culture at work.

I have had it happen to me too. I have had false complaints and even lost a position because I gave a fvcked up b1tch the cold shoulder.

My wife and family all come first and stupid b1tches and asshats need shut out and down.
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post #35 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 05:48 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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It Isn't the gender issue you are making it.

I have probably had to shut down more unwanted female attention than OP's wife.

Both men and women have to learn to deal with it and shut it down. That is the reality we live in.

Would it be nice if men and women could all handle their shyt and not hit on married people? Yes.

Again, not a gender issue.

Well, Conan, you should stop dressing like such a slvt at work and inviting women to come on to you all the time. I mean, if that many women are coming after you, you *must* be sending out some kind of vibe asking for it. It *must* be the way you are flashing your dimples or flexing your muscles. Why are you acting so unprofessionally that you are getting that much attention? You are too friendly, too approachable. Maybe you should get a baggier suit. Stop styling your hair.

After all, you *must* not have any boundaries or be asking for it or....something.

See what I mean?

Last edited by always_alone; 03-13-2016 at 06:30 PM.
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post #36 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 05:55 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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Originally Posted by always_alone View Post
...
Before OP goes off half-****ed on his wife for being a slvt..
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I agree with not calling her a slvt and checking out her work situation.
Did I miss it? The op never said or felt anything of the sort. I thought he felt quite the opposite. How did we get to this?
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post #37 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 06:12 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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Did I miss it? The op never said or felt anything of the sort. I thought he felt quite the opposite. How did we get to this?
It's not what the OP said--it's all the responses that are insisting it is *her* fault that men are acting inappropriately.
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post #38 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 06:45 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

No Always, no one is calling her a ****. What they are saying is why has she not taken some action within her organization to stop it.

And your response seems to be that women should put up with harassment and propositions rather than go to HR if the job is important to them or if the guy is in a position of power.

All anyone is asking is why OP's wife has not taking repossibility herself for stopping it in its tracks, and you are portraying her as a victim of mean old men.

And why is it wrong to ask why she cannot stop putting her hands on there's men in a workplace. You are reading and deciding your own interpretation of what anyone is saying.

OP, if you know these men, you need to tell your wife either she stops it or you will get involved. If she does not want you to stop it or help her, then she accepts responsibility. You just sucking it up and putting up with it is not the answer or you would not be here posting.
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post #39 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-13-2016, 07:24 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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And your response seems to be that women should put up with harassment and propositions rather than go to HR if the job is important to them or if the guy is in a position of power.
Not at all. By all means, complain to HR, tell whoever it is to fvck off.

I just object to the insistence that the men deserve a free pass (because of course she is *too* friendly, *too* attractive, her dress is clearly *too* provacative, and therefore it is *her* fault that this is happening to her.)

Tell me, are you going to chastise Conan for being too sexy? Apparently he gets hit on way more than OP's wife ever does. Why isn't it *his* fault for being too friendly, too provocative?
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post #40 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-14-2016, 09:28 AM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

Good evening
An interesting point, I hadn't though of it that way. Its a little tricky to figure out how to clearly define it, but intentionally seductive dress cold be viewed as harassment.

It needs to be a pretty high bar, and a rule like that could easily be implemented in a biased fashion. I don't want to see people who happen to be physically attractive, be held to a different standard. I don't want puritan dress codes either, but really extreme stuff should not be allowed.

I like the concept, but I fear it might often be applied in a biased fashion


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Originally Posted by intheory View Post
always,
snip

I've come to believe that dressing seductively in the workplace is, in itself, a form of sexual harassment. Show the goods, be sexy and alluring; then blame the people that respond to your cues.

I guess that's why there used to be dress codes at work. A "dress code" clause should be part of every workplace anti-sexual harassment policy



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post #41 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-14-2016, 09:39 AM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

next time she tells you someone was hitting on her say I a alarmed voice who was hitting on you. the find this guy and have a private talk with him.......hey buddy if you hit on my wife again you will need a dr.

got it ........no really do you understand where I'm coming from.

if the dude is married call his wife and explain the unwanted attention this a$$hat is giving your wife.

now if she all of a sudden down plays it then she most likely enjoys it. and that a whole different can of worms.
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post #42 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-14-2016, 09:39 AM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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Good evening
An interesting point, I hadn't though of it that way. Its a little tricky to figure out how to clearly define it, but intentionally seductive dress cold be viewed as harassment.
Richard. Come on. How far is this going to go?

"I think that hiring that good-looking man might be an occasion of sin, of temptation, for the ladies in the office. Just knowing such a good-looking guy is around could even be considered harassment of them. They might feel all flustered around him and not be able to keep their thoughts from wandering to his . . . Nope, we just cannot hire him."

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #43 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-14-2016, 09:40 AM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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next time she tells you someone was hitting on her say In an alarmed voice who was hitting on you. then find this guy and have a private talk with him.......hey buddy if you hit on my wife again you will need a dr.

got it ........no really do you understand where I'm coming from.

if the dude is married call his wife and explain the unwanted attention this a$$hat is giving your wife.

now if she all of a sudden down plays it then she most likely enjoys it. and that a whole different can of worms.
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post #44 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-14-2016, 02:47 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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The whole thing about if women dress a certain way invites sexual advances is such bull**** to me. Yes we like to look nice, and maybe we like to show off our figure, we only have one life and our body won't look this good forever. Wanting to look good, and even get compliments from people is not the same as aggressive sexual advances! If someone is wearing a wedding ring, they are off limits! Come on people have some respect. Say you look nice, and keep it moving.
Men have this horrible idea in their sexist heads that if women dress a certain way they are "asking for it". That is 100% WRONG and its what men tell themselves to make them feel better about being the scum bags they really are. "Um well look at what she is wearing" Insert-> blame it on her.
People today have no respect for marriage. If you see someone with a wedding ring on, please keep it moving. The end.
There is such a glorified, romantic notion about having an affair, or being the exciting mistress to a married man, or how exciting it must be. The reality is... Affairs are horrible, and they always end up bad. They are never like the dream you make them out to be.
To the OP... Yes there are a lot of stupid, bad men out there.
If a woman dresses and/or acts sexually she will receive sexual advances, you want to show off your figure? show it off to your husband
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post #45 of 107 (permalink) Old 03-14-2016, 02:49 PM
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Re: Are there that many Jack A$$ men

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After you check your appearance in the mirror before you leave the house; you don't really ever see yourself. So, the way you dress is partly to have an effect on other people. Other people are the ones looking at you. When women say, "I dress this way for myself", this is what they mean, whether they realize it or not.

It's nice to have a pretty face or good body; and to wear flattering clothes, make-up, jewelry --- whatever you like, to enhance your appearance. Everyone should invest some time and effort to look their best.

Deliberately soliciting compliments from the opposite sex, when you are married, is entering "slippery slope" territory. Why do you need someone other than your spouse to re-affirm your physical attractiveness? But, at work, this is not acceptable. Work is work; not a club or a dating service.

Personal story; I'm a woman. I have 36DD breasts. When I reached a C cup in high school, is when I noticed my chest (not my face) being looked at. Over the years, especially when I started working, the looks/comments began to make me feel uncomfortable. The weirdest was having a co-worker tell me that her husband thought I had big breasts for the size of my body. (he saw me once at a social function)

I started dressing differently. And IMMEDIATELY noticed a difference. No-one tries to get a look through two layers of relaxed fitting clothing. Same with skirts and jeans. After getting told that a skirt looked good from behind, or asked to wear my "tight Levi's" more often; I stopped doing that at work.

And it makes a difference. The comments stop.

I don't blame men for being attracted to women's bodies. I can't handle being looked at that way at work. I want respect.

OP's wife knows when she bends over the guys can see her cleavage. If it bothers her, she can wear high necked opaque blouses. Pretty, attractive and feminine; but just showing less breast.

She does this because she loves that guys look. And she probably loves telling her husband that they look.

OP, if it bothers you - tell your wife. I don't want guys at work treating you like a piece of meat - please dress modestly and business like at work.

Save her sexy, plunging necklines for a romantic night out with you at her side
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