Originally Posted by think positive View Post
thanks for all of your feedback. I find it interesting that so many people are making assumptions about my wife's behavior to essentially be "asking for it". I should reiterate that my wife's dress is not as suggestive as some have surmised.
I think this thread underscores the way in which men and women seem to have a lack of understanding of the other's vantage point. I think there are plenty of men that clearly missread signals and/or read them optimistically as many are in constant pursuit of the next piece of a$$. If for example my wife happens to touch a coworker in a non-sexual way, does he have the right or is it prudent to assume that she wants to Fu#$? I know allot of guys that would relentlessly pursue a women that has been fairly direct about her feelings.
Further, the notion that HR will solve all these problems is not that correct. I men this could create a real problem for my wife at her company. She could be regarded as a bi#%h or uptight.
I recently had a women who I had just met at my kids school function who hugged me goodbye. Not just a casual hug but, one where I could feel her boobs smushed against my chest. I mean if I later propositioned her would that be cool? That I would assume that she is an adulterer who wants to bone me?
No one (at least i didn't read such a comment) said that they were in the right to harass her, most people just said that touching strangers/coworkers is inappropiate and inappropiate behaviour is more likely to provoke inappropiate responses especially in stup!d a-holes.
The hug you got was inappropiate and that you didn't pursue her makes you a better human being than the a-holes at your wife's company. Doesn't change the fact that the hug was inappropiate (for you? for me it would be).
By touching coworkers your wife gives the ones that are a$$es an (or one more) excuse to harass her. The good guys would not make a move anyway, they could even be deterred by her breaking the boundary of physical contact.
Could be that the only excuse the harassers need is that she is female and they would behave like that regardless of her behaviour. Doesn't make it right, it's just how these guys think.
Some people steal cars no matter what, they break in and go off with it. Some just take one thats unlocked with keys in the ignition. Doesn't make stealing right. You just made it a lot easier for them by not locking your car. Locking your car minimizes the risk, not touching coworkers and keeping a professional distance does that too. The risk won't be zero but less.
How strong was the "No" your wife threw at the advances she was getting? If she is afraid about being labeled an uptight b!tch I would not assume her reaction was strong enough to deterr her pursuers which could mean that they see that as an invitation to continue. An easy victim that does not defend herself. Doesn't make their behaviour right, that's just how these guys operate.
Honestly, for me it sounds like a sh!tty place to work at.
So she basically has 3 options if she does not want to involve HR. She can endure the harassment, ignore the fnckers and wait if they lose interest or she can stand up for herself in no uncertain terms and live with the consequences (which could result in the same outcome if she were to involve HR) or leave the company. Just like a school kid that does not want to involve the teachers with getting bullied in the yard. Take the bullying, beat them or leave school.
It will can be a tough road and she will need your support either way.