Please Explain Lazy Housewives? - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Ladies' Lounge » Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-02-2011, 10:13 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,215
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Can't relate at all!! My wife and I share everything we both work, both raise the kids, both cook, both clean, we have joked if anything I would be a SAHD not her a SAHM. I'm just better with the kids she says. I love kids......I don't like adults very much though :-) I'm sure there is a disorder there somewhere.

Homework, soccer, volleyball, baseball, study, house cleaning, yard, cooking, that's me I just need to win the lottery first.
OhGeesh is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-02-2011, 11:11 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 1,871
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

That is awesome!
deejov is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 11:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 2,004
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trenton View Post
Have you ever been a SAHM? It's very repetitive, boring and unappreciated job. You can say you appreciate it but society in general doesn't appreciate it and everyone has no problem telling you exactly what you're doing wrong without ever commenting on what you're doing right. You say she should feel bad about taking money but I bet you'd never say she deserves a major raise and the husband should set aside extra funds just for her. There's an imbalance in our thinking about the role itself. The payoff of doing a wonderful job doesn't come for years afterwards so it's easy to lose sight of and there are many hiccups that worry you that you've done something wrong. It also depends very much on the ages of the children, the attitude of the husband and the support system the SAHM has. If you read my first paragraph, you will see that I admire SAHM's that actually work. I said that a SAHM who does nothing should feel bad about taking money. You are responding as though I wrote that all SAHM's are lazy. Please throughly read my post before you get angry.

I was a SAHM for 8 years and five of those years ran a non-profit from my home with the help of my 3 kids which was very fulfilling and helped us stay close and appreciative of one another and the world around us -but- when I chose to end that because of our family situation- I truly struggled with the shear boredom of being on call 24/7 without any real tasks besides laundry, meals, cleaning and being a taxi cab driver. My kids were older and more self sufficient and I had a lot of time to fill. I consider everything that you did to be "real tasks", just like I wrote. Did you choose to be a SAHM or was it forced on you?

Now I work full time since all three are finally in school (Kindergarten, 5th grade and freshman in hs) and find I am taking on all the previous tasks along with 40 hours of work at my job (which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE). I get praised at my work for almost everything I do and this is a very good feeling especially since I feel my work is meaningful. I come home and face three kids who struggle with their own problems and although I know they overall appreciate me, they are still kids. I love them too and so enjoy having them around and helping/listening/solving/guiding but it's not the same.

I think the best way to get an apathetic SAHM to feel more motivated and invested in her job is to help her see its importance and help find time for her to work on her own likes/passions but men rarely do this. They complain that she's home all day and lazy but won't notice a good job she's done until she stops doing it. I think it's more to do with a slight depression and lack of feeling important in the role than anything else or a feeling that she is undervalued and not worth much.

More support, more programs, activities and networks and overall recognition of the importance of a SAHM, a complete change in the attitude that a man's (or woman's) work outside the home is worth more or harder than a woman's (or man's) inside of the home is necessary.Can't argue with this!

It's easy to judge, it really is. It is easy for me to judge LAZY stay at home mothers. I have respect for the ones that actually work in the home. Even a great SAHM who has support/finances and a personality that makes her a good fit for being a SAHM will be the first to snap at another's performance in the same role. It's really sad because the only group that loses are our children.
FirstYearDown is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 12:05 PM   #19 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 7
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

What is a lazy housewife?

There are plenty of lazy men who leave it to the women when they both work

Housework is boring
Crystal22 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 12:22 PM   #20 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 2,004
Default Wish that...

I wish that people would read my posts before they respond. I have already been attacked as though I said that all SAHM's are apathetic, when I have clearly written quite the opposite. My thread starter states that I wish society respected SAHM's (or dads) that actually contribute to a marriage, by other means than bringing in some household income.

I also used gender non specific terms and specified that any spouse who is not working, should contribute with housework.

Housework is boring, but do you think the main breadwinner goes to work because it is fun? Of course not, but he or she works because they have a family to support. Life is full of tasks that we may not like and as adults, we have to accept that.
FirstYearDown is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 12:28 PM   #21 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 264
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstYearDown View Post
I have the utmost respect for busy SAHM's. Parenting can often be thankless and society does not give enough credit to women that run the home. These domestic goddesses are equally as capable and intelligent as any career woman. It takes much work and dedication to keep a house clean, raise children and still have dinner on the table every night.

I have recently read some very sad posts from men, who have lazy housewives. Whether the SAH partner is male or female, marriage is about give and take. If the one spouse is earning enough income to keep the other at home, I believe the other spouse should take care of housework and day time child rearing. It is only fair, right?

Please educate me on why so many women are content to lie about the house all day and do nothing? Don't they feel bad about taking money, but not giving an incentive for the provider to give? When I am home, my husband comes home to dinner, a clean home and a smiling wife. It is his reward for slaving for us all day. I only skimp on housework if I am ill. No wonder my husband will do anything for me.
It all depends on each individuals definition of 'lazy'.

Interesting though... what makes you think when a man goes to work that he is 'slaving' for the family?? Have you ever considered that he loves his job and finds it intensely fulfilling and its a requirement in his life... the paycheck being a super benefit for doing what he loves??

I hope your context of 'slaving' doesn't means that all men hate their jobs.

I don't go to work to 'slave' away just for that paycheck so my family can survive.

It would be interesting from the working parents.. how many find their careers/jobs a fulfilling requirement of their life.
RoseRed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 12:56 PM   #22 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 2,004
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

My thread was not about job fulfillment. I do like that topic though.

I don't think that all providers hate their jobs. I just believe that they do not have the option of staying home, because they have to make money for their families.

Some people are blessed enough to love what they do. Many of are not and even those that love their careers, have days when they wish they did not have to be at work. Loving what you do cannot pay the bills.

If your spouse works all day, so that you can stay at home he or she deserves to return to a clean home and a meal. If your spouse is at home and contributes by doing household chores, they deserve to be financially supported. It goes both ways and judging by some of the posts I have read, many wives do not realize that.

If both spouses work, I think housework/childrearing should be shared according to whatever each spouse is best at. It should never be one person doing all the work, if both are employed outside the home.
FirstYearDown is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 01:04 PM   #23 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Wish that...

Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstYearDown View Post
I wish that people would read my posts before they respond. I have already been attacked as though I said that all SAHM's are apathetic, when I have clearly written quite the opposite. My thread starter states that I wish society respected SAHM's (or dads) that actually contribute to a marriage, by other means than bringing in some household income.

I also used gender non specific terms and specified that any spouse who is not working, should contribute with housework.

Housework is boring, but do you think the main breadwinner goes to work because it is fun? Of course not, but he or she works because they have a family to support. Life is full of tasks that we may not like and as adults, we have to accept that.
I think you don't quite have a grasp on the perspective hence my long post in response. I did read your initial post I think it is really presumptuous and broad in its topic to really hold any validity.

You basically said, I admire SAHM's and housewives/husbands who do what I think they should but think those that don't do what I think they should really suck so can someone explain this to me?

I'm saying, there are many reasons why a SAHM might appear apathetic but if we want to change this, since being a SAHM is very stressful, unappreciated and thankless, we need to work on providing support to SAHM's and their spouses need to have a better perspective on what the job entails. I sited slight depression as a reason for their apathetic behavior because, in my experience, SAHM's tend to lose themselves to the job because it is 24/7 and they really need to be able to still have interests/hobbies/time of their own.

Also, I highly doubt that any SAHM's do nothing as you suggested. In the least, they are providing costly daycare services for their children so that the husband can work.

Since this is such an important role in their family I really think (and I don't care if it's the wife or husband staying home) that they deserve support to do this job well. I don't see criticism/lack of understanding as supportive.

When you're talking about a wife who stays home and the husband works and they don't have kids...I can't imagine that being something that would happen. It's a lack of perspective on my part. Why wouldn't the woman or man staying home want more for themselves besides caring for a home all day? I would think overall they'd want to contribute more than house services to their union. Having said that, if it works for the couple then I think there's nothing to be fixed there.

Also, I love my work so I don't consider it slaving away all day and my husband also loves his work. I just asked him if he feels he slaves away all day for a paycheck and he admits flat out that I've had to sacrifice more overall to our family and he doesn't feel he's ever been forced to slave away all day or sacrifice what he wants to do. It's why the resentment is mostly on my end in our relationship right now. That's exactly what we're working on in our marriage. I want things to be more equal but he doesn't want to have to give more. He'd prefer I stay home forever and do the bulk of the work so that he can work whenever and however he likes.
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 01:29 PM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 264
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstYearDown View Post
My thread was not about job fulfillment. I do like that topic though.

I don't think that all providers hate their jobs. I just believe that they do not have the option of staying home, because they have to make money for their families.

Some people are blessed enough to love what they do. Many of are not and even those that love their careers, have days when they wish they did not have to be at work. Loving what you do cannot pay the bills.

If your spouse works all day, so that you can stay at home he or she deserves to return to a clean home and a meal. If your spouse is at home and contributes by doing household chores, they deserve to be financially supported. It goes both ways and judging by some of the posts I have read, many wives do not realize that.

If both spouses work, I think housework/childrearing should be shared according to whatever each spouse is best at. It should never be one person doing all the work, if both are employed outside the home.
But it is about job fulfillment... The support and fulfillment of the SAH (M/D) ...not just who brings home the bacon.

I have to concer with Trenton, your premise is so unspecific, broad, lacks perspective and condemning.
RoseRed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 01:37 PM   #25 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 2,004
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

I live in a very affluent area and I see women with no kids, who are at home all the time. Just because you don't see something, it doesn't mean it never happens. I have no children and I am at home, but this is only temporary due to a lack of mobility in my left hand.

I asked a question and people are free to respond how they like, with whatever their perspectives are. A different opinion is not invalid, just because it is not shared.

I think it is great that you and your husband both love your work. In my world, despite the fact that people in my life chose their careers, they have come to dislike their jobs after years of doing the same thing.

I thought that my admiration for stay at home mothers was supportive, but perhaps you do not see it that way.

Who supports and fulfulls the person who brings home the bacon? A job is only one way that people can gain happiness. I was being very specific when I talked about SAHM's (or dads) who laze about the house all day. I did not write that all stay at home parents are the same.
FirstYearDown is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 01:38 PM   #26 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,286
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

I don't find housework boring I loooove the satisfaction of sitting in a clean house that I cleaned. Right now my house smells like Pinesol and I love it!
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 01:38 PM   #27 (permalink)
Member
 
Runs like Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 7,675
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

I slack off. I know I do. But since The Duchess has never held a job and the kids are grown I figure if that's how she wants to spend her life, so be it. I've suggested cleaning ladies for decades - always rejected. Ok, enjoy your scullery maid life then.
Runs like Dog is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 02:34 PM   #28 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstYearDown View Post
I live in a very affluent area and I see women with no kids, who are at home all the time. Just because you don't see something, it doesn't mean it never happens. I have no children and I am at home, but this is only temporary due to a lack of mobility in my left hand.

I asked a question and people are free to respond how they like, with whatever their perspectives are. A different opinion is not invalid, just because it is not shared.

I think it is great that you and your husband both love your work. In my world, despite the fact that people in my life chose their careers, they have come to dislike their jobs after years of doing the same thing.

I thought that my admiration for stay at home mothers was supportive, but perhaps you do not see it that way.

Who supports and fulfulls the person who brings home the bacon? A job is only one way that people can gain happiness. I was being very specific when I talked about SAHM's (or dads) who laze about the house all day. I did not write that all stay at home parents are the same.
You know the expression...opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one. Yeah, it's pretty much true but I think we agree here more than you think. I do believe relationships should be equal and both partners should feel valued and appreciated for their roles and carry equal shares unless one or the other doesn't mind carrying a heavier load.

You do seem supportive of SAHM's and I understand what you're saying, what I'm saying is society is more appreciative of the person with a paycheck because our society most values the dollar.

So society values the paycheck more than the SAHM. This is what I'm saying. A person who works and gets paid a descent sum can feel naturally appreciated in society. Do you see what I'm saying?

I am fairly blunt so I think you're misinterpreting my text to be an attack on your personal beliefs but I'm actually just trying to give you a different perspective on how a SAHM can come to feel depressed or feel she/he has little value and appear apathetic. This was in answer to your original question posed in this thread.

Like I said, if a woman is staying at home and has a husband who does everything but does nothing herself and the husband is unhappy then the relationship is unfair. We agree on this. If the husband is OK with it then that relationship works so I don't see anything wrong with it.
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 02:36 PM   #29 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
I don't find housework boring I loooove the satisfaction of sitting in a clean house that I cleaned. Right now my house smells like Pinesol and I love it!
Until the kids come home and tromp all over the floor seconds later with muddy feet.

Ah but they're so darn cute carrying a cricket in a cup I just washed five minutes before.
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-02-2011, 02:37 PM   #30 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
I slack off. I know I do. But since The Duchess has never held a job and the kids are grown I figure if that's how she wants to spend her life, so be it. I've suggested cleaning ladies for decades - always rejected. Ok, enjoy your scullery maid life then.
A case of the chronic martyr? To the plank with her then!
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Lazy child wellness General Relationship Discussion 14 04-06-2012 12:21 PM
Cheaters: Were you fans of Desperate Housewives? L.M.COYL Coping with Infidelity 0 03-26-2012 10:16 AM
Am I lazy or normal?? Cooper General Relationship Discussion 3 10-26-2010 06:50 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:32 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.