Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes View Post
What would you say if one day your husband came home and claimed it was "his money"? How many times have you heard this here? Me, plenty. I admire you for at that you do and the love between you guys. Hopefully you understand that you ARE unique in this situation and that most men do not see being a SAHM as valuable for what they do.
You are right, we hear that plenty here...and automatically 2 things comes to my mind.... 1)
Either the husband is unappreciative & controlling , could be a massive JERK who has no compassion and rules with an iron fist , add that he may look down upon women , some even use the Bible to do it...I have a girlfriend in this situation, he gives her just about nothing , they have 2 kids, I have helped her with groceries, gas money-I don't allow her to repay me cause she will never have it anyway. She is always hanging from a shoe string not knowing how she is going to pay for something & she is not a big waster either.
Even at her house, when she speaks to him, I've witnessed he will not even look up at her, no respect, I see it as abusive. BUt she chooses to stay , some friends have cut her off because she chooses to stay with this man. I won't do that.
She keeps a good house, she is a wonderful woman who goes around singing & writing the praises of Jesus cause I think it HELPS HER remain in her hellish marriage. Her Church family is a bigger influence in her life than her husband. Now that is a situation where the HUSBAND is clearly doing wrong, is unappreciative, using his authority to prove he is worth more (Anyone could tell he has anger issues to some degree)-also he must not keep Jobs long, always inbetween them, He will not even share with her what he makes. Some men , yeah, are clearly in the wrong, A-hole attitude, controlling , abusive in this issue.
but then.... we have this also.... 2)
WIFE is pampered, used to getting what she wants, or feels she DESERVES whatever she wants, maybe her parents gave her too much, she never learned the value of a dallor, or had to work for it. Maybe she got carried away using her husbands $$ (if she had full access), to the point of not being able to pay their bills, starts hiding her spending, putting them in debt (where otherwise it might not have been so- had she been more careful, used some restraint).
Or if they had a goal to save for the future, maybe for a down payment on their dream house - and she was consistently going over their budget for this. I mean, we are all weak in some area, don't tell me women are all "above reproach" in spending, this I will not believe in the majority of cases.
....In this scenerio, I think the husband may need to put his foot down if she insists on remaining a SAHM, she may need to take a job to help with the bill paying. I would give the HUSBAND more credit if he was responsible with this money. Now if he is as BIG of a waster as her, then maybe he has no right to judge her or take it all away--as they are both contributing to the problem.
I had a friend in the opposite situation, she was the careful saver, the SAHM, he was the worker, and waster, it used to drive her crazy, he was constantly buying new electronics, they couldn't afford their heating billls, I would go over there & they would heat their whole house with 4 kerosene heaters cause of HIS spending habits. But what could she do. It was one of many of thier issues.
Agreeing on $$ is damn important in marraige.
So what about #2, should the sole breadwinner just turn a blind eye to keep peace??
Should he take on a 2nd job so he can afford his wife's spending habits ? Crazier things have happened.
I think unless we are spending the very $$ we earned by own own hand, we need to have an awesome responsibilty in spending anothers, and if they are good reasonable men, they will see this and not restrict their wives from their paychecks.
I tell my sons now if you meet a woman who thinks she is too "good" to use Ebay or go to an occasional Flea market, turn around and walk the other way, chances are you will never make enough to "keep" her or die trying.