Please Explain Lazy Housewives?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Ladies' Lounge » Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-02-2011, 08:05 AM   #1 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 2,004
Question Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

I have the utmost respect for busy SAHM's. Parenting can often be thankless and society does not give enough credit to women that run the home. These domestic goddesses are equally as capable and intelligent as any career woman. It takes much work and dedication to keep a house clean, raise children and still have dinner on the table every night.

I have recently read some very sad posts from men, who have lazy housewives. Whether the SAH partner is male or female, marriage is about give and take. If the one spouse is earning enough income to keep the other at home, I believe the other spouse should take care of housework and day time child rearing. It is only fair, right?

Please educate me on why so many women are content to lie about the house all day and do nothing? Don't they feel bad about taking money, but not giving an incentive for the provider to give? When I am home, my husband comes home to dinner, a clean home and a smiling wife. It is his reward for slaving for us all day. I only skimp on housework if I am ill. No wonder my husband will do anything for me.
FirstYearDown is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-02-2011, 08:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
pidge70's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 3,623
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

I don't understand those woman either. I work full time and still come home and do all the "wifely" duties. My SO helps too but, if I get home first I generally have it done. Then again, I have OCD...lol
Posted via Mobile Device
pidge70 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 08:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Have you ever been a SAHM? It's very repetitive, boring and unappreciated job. You can say you appreciate it but society in general doesn't appreciate it and everyone has no problem telling you exactly what you're doing wrong without ever commenting on what you're doing right. You say she should feel bad about taking money but I bet you'd never say she deserves a major raise and the husband should set aside extra funds just for her. There's an imbalance in our thinking about the role itself. The payoff of doing a wonderful job doesn't come for years afterwards so it's easy to lose sight of and there are many hiccups that worry you that you've done something wrong. It also depends very much on the ages of the children, the attitude of the husband and the support system the SAHM has.

I was a SAHM for 8 years and five of those years ran a non-profit from my home with the help of my 3 kids which was very fulfilling and helped us stay close and appreciative of one another and the world around us -but- when I chose to end that because of our family situation- I truly struggled with the shear boredom of being on call 24/7 without any real tasks besides laundry, meals, cleaning and being a taxi cab driver. My kids were older and more self sufficient and I had a lot of time to fill.

Now I work full time since all three are finally in school (Kindergarten, 5th grade and freshman in hs) and find I am taking on all the previous tasks along with 40 hours of work at my job (which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE). I get praised at my work for almost everything I do and this is a very good feeling especially since I feel my work is meaningful. I come home and face three kids who struggle with their own problems and although I know they overall appreciate me, they are still kids. I love them too and so enjoy having them around and helping/listening/solving/guiding but it's not the same.

I think the best way to get an apathetic SAHM to feel more motivated and invested in her job is to help her see its importance and help find time for her to work on her own likes/passions but men rarely do this. They complain that she's home all day and lazy but won't notice a good job she's done until she stops doing it. I think it's more to do with a slight depression and lack of feeling important in the role than anything else or a feeling that she is undervalued and not worth much.

More support, more programs, activities and networks and overall recognition of the importance of a SAHM, a complete change in the attitude that a man's (or woman's) work outside the home is worth more or harder than a woman's (or man's) inside of the home is necessary.

It's easy to judge, it really is. Even a great SAHM who has support/finances and a personality that makes her a good fit for being a SAHM will be the first to snap at another's performance in the same role. It's really sad because the only group that loses are our children.
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 08:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,239
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

I have children-less friends who are lazy housewives.

One friend said, "I didn't get married to work."

LOLLL Must be nice to be a princess.
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:22 AM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Without children I can't relate. Didn't even cross my mind. I'd go insane sitting at home all day. I can't imagine wanting to do it but I guess if they want to and the man is willing, each to his own.
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,239
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trenton View Post
Without children I can't relate. Didn't even cross my mind. I'd go insane sitting at home all day. I can't imagine wanting to do it but I guess if they want to and the man is willing, each to his own.
Yea, even with children, I've not stayed home past their first year.

Oh, with one friend, her husband isn't willing. She's just a big betch and complains until she gets her way. lol.
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 294
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Cleaning is a habit people either have or don't.
The habit can be learned but something has to inspire a person to learn it.
Children in the mix complicate it. They are messy and demand attention.

No children in the mix and a stay at home person still needs to be inspired to create the habit.

Not all people are cooks or cleaners. Some are. Obviously you are.

I cook and clean but don't enjoy it. I would prefer another person do both.

I feed my family and keep our junk in order. I don't tend to do floors or windows.

I tidy, dust, do laundry (hate it), cook healthy meals.
chattycathy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,239
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chattycathy View Post
Cleaning is a habit people either have or don't.
The habit can be learned but something has to inspire a person to learn it.
Children in the mix complicate it. They are messy and demand attention.

No children in the mix and a stay at home person still needs to be inspired to create the habit.

Not all people are cooks or cleaners. Some are. Obviously you are.

I cook and clean but don't enjoy it. I would prefer another person do both.

I feed my family and keep our junk in order. I don't tend to do floors or windows.

I tidy, dust, do laundry (hate it), cook healthy meals.
Very true. However, these are things that should be discussed before marriage. Many people don't talk about this and are frustrated and irritated after the honeymoon is over.

And anything can become a habit after 30 days
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:37 AM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chattycathy View Post
Cleaning is a habit people either have or don't.
The habit can be learned but something has to inspire a person to learn it.
Children in the mix complicate it. They are messy and demand attention.

No children in the mix and a stay at home person still needs to be inspired to create the habit.

Not all people are cooks or cleaners. Some are. Obviously you are.

I cook and clean but don't enjoy it. I would prefer another person do both.

I feed my family and keep our junk in order. I don't tend to do floors or windows.

I tidy, dust, do laundry (hate it), cook healthy meals.
Does anyone love laundry? My 14 year old had a habit of cleaning her room ='s tossing the clean clothes I put folded on her bed back into the dirty laundry. AHHHHH

I ended that by having her do her own laundry for a few weeks and standing on top of her, which was actually harder for me with my laundry schedule, but then lectured her on the choices she has and haven't had a problem with that since. I hate laundry!

The fact that you fit in healthy meals is great and not an easy feat in and of itself.
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:41 AM   #11 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,007
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

And a tip I'll add for Mom's who work or Mom's who stay home but have little ones and don't have the time (especially newborns) is to hire someone to clean your house once every two weeks. My Mom is giving this as a gift to me for my birthday and I can't wait. They do a thorough cleaning including tubs/toilets/dusting/even ovens and I think she said it was $60 a visit. Even if you just get it done before holidays or whatnot.
Trenton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 09:53 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
pidge70's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 3,623
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

A common misconception about me and my OCD is people think I LOVE to clean. I in fact hate it! Just a coping mechanism I developed to deal with stress and a traumatic childhood.
Posted via Mobile Device
pidge70 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 10:01 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 1,874
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

I agree, it can be a thankless job. To those spouses who come home to a messy house... go way overboard thanking the "cleaner" and let them know how appreciated it is to come home to a clean house.
It's also not very challenging to the brain. SAH parents need a break. A couple of hours a week where the kids go to a sitter, and the parent gets to do things with other adults.
Some parents love it, those that don't need a break.
And those parents that forego cleaning in order to play with the kids?
the house will get cleaned eventually.
When I was a kid, my mom stayed home. Our house was spotless. But that's my only memories of my mom. Her getting mad about stuff laying around and always cleaning. I have ZERO memories of her playing with us. Ever.
deejov is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 10:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,239
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trenton View Post
And a tip I'll add for Mom's who work or Mom's who stay home but have little ones and don't have the time (especially newborns) is to hire someone to clean your house once every two weeks. My Mom is giving this as a gift to me for my birthday and I can't wait. They do a thorough cleaning including tubs/toilets/dusting/even ovens and I think she said it was $60 a visit. Even if you just get it done before holidays or whatnot.
I do this! I love it. Sometimes I call on a Friday when I know we're too busy that weekend and they come and do the big stuff.

My goal is in 9 months, when my car is paid off, to have a service come in and clean 2 times a month. Just the big stuff. I can do the little things. Our house is large and I work full time...so...why not?

I do like cleaning though. Pinesol is my best friend. I clean usually at night. It's not rare to find me scrubbing toilets at midnight. lol. At least then I know a child won't come behind me and mess everything up right away!
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2011, 10:03 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,239
Default Re: Please Explain Lazy Housewives?

Quote:
Originally Posted by deejov View Post
I agree, it can be a thankless job. To those spouses who come home to a messy house... go way overboard thanking the "cleaner" and let them know how appreciated it is to come home to a clean house.
It's also not very challenging to the brain. SAH parents need a break. A couple of hours a week where the kids go to a sitter, and the parent gets to do things with other adults.
Some parents love it, those that don't need a break.
And those parents that forego cleaning in order to play with the kids?
the house will get cleaned eventually.
When I was a kid, my mom stayed home. Our house was spotless. But that's my only memories of my mom. Her getting mad about stuff laying around and always cleaning. I have ZERO memories of her playing with us. Ever.
I'm home every summer. By the end of August, I want to kill myself. lol Ok so that's a little dramatic, but yea...I was not meant to be a SAHM. Oddly enough, I work with 30 children daily.
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Lazy child wellness General Relationship Discussion 14 04-06-2012 12:21 PM
Cheaters: Were you fans of Desperate Housewives? L.M.COYL Coping with Infidelity 0 03-26-2012 10:16 AM
Am I lazy or normal?? Cooper General Relationship Discussion 3 10-26-2010 06:50 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:59 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage