Girls PLEASE HELP I am crushed.

sunflower · 12-15-2008, 04:05 PM

This has been eating at me for a long time so I need opinions. I have searched the internet High and Low for someone with a simular situation and cant find anything. I just found out like a month ago that my ex Best Friend kissed my husband in mid sentence he was not expecting it at all. But he did kiss back and it was very short. We were having problems in our marriage back then and she knew that as well cause at the time she was my very best of friend. Well anyways after that she went inside he left with his friend crying about it all. so two months gone by and he was lost as well as I was and we just were waiting for the other to say I am done pretty much. So he decided when they were at our house that to fix this marriage or end the marriage he was going to take manners in his own hands so he asked her when they were alone if she had feelings and she said no. He says well how do you know? She said I just know I love my husband and your wife and kids he says so do I. but maybe we should kiss so you know. she said well I think that you should talk this out with your wife and he said I cant? so she said ok and they did. He said it was awkward and short then after it was done he said nothing she said nothing then she left. Three days later he called her and said he was sorry about that all and it was wrong he loves me and the girls and it wasnt that he had feelings for her it was him figuring out our marriage the weird way he knew how and that he did with her cause she was a friend and would understand.

What do you think is that weird do you think that he is telling the truth I mean he isnt pushy do you think that he had feelings?
I mean she tried to kiss him a couple months after that and he said no that was all a mistake if he liked her he would have right?
And also by her saying no she didnt have feelings he knew that but kept trying to kiss her anyways like he didnt care what she said he was going to do it? Does that mean something? like he knew she didnt it was for his own reasons?

StrongEnough · 12-16-2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

This has been eating at me for a long time so I need opinions. I have searched the internet High and Low for someone with a simular situation and cant find anything. I just found out like a month ago that my ex Best Friend kissed my husband in mid sentence he was not expecting it at all. But he did kiss back and it was very short. We were having problems in our marriage back then and she knew that as well cause at the time she was my very best of friend. Well anyways after that she went inside he left with his friend crying about it all. so two months gone by and he was lost as well as I was and we just were waiting for the other to say I am done pretty much. So he decided when they were at our house that to fix this marriage or end the marriage he was going to take manners in his own hands so he asked her when they were alone if she had feelings and she said no. He says well how do you know? She said I just know I love my husband and your wife and kids he says so do I. but maybe we should kiss so you know. she said well I think that you should talk this out with your wife and he said I cant? so she said ok and they did. He said it was awkward and short then after it was done he said nothing she said nothing then she left. Three days later he called her and said he was sorry about that all and it was wrong he loves me and the girls and it wasnt that he had feelings for her it was him figuring out our marriage the weird way he knew how and that he did with her cause she was a friend and would understand.

What do you think is that weird do you think that he is telling the truth I mean he isnt pushy do you think that he had feelings?
I mean she tried to kiss him a couple months after that and he said no that was all a mistake if he liked her he would have right?
And also by her saying no she didnt have feelings he knew that but kept trying to kiss her anyways like he didnt care what she said he was going to do it? Does that mean something? like he knew she didnt it was for his own reasons?

Can you provide any additional background information on your marriage? Problems prior to this?

sunflower · 12-16-2008, 03:49 PM

Ya in the time that this had happend we were both fighting EVERY SINGLE DAY everyday we couldnt get along. We loved each other but when is that enough? I didnt treat him like that man I should have been treating him flirted with friends of his not flirted but payed more attention and was more attentive with them then him and he felt I was always putting him down or he wasnt good enouph to do things right so I think that I made him feel like crap.I am sure that he felt good someone hit on him. But I dont think that he wanted her? cause if he did he would have taken her up on that third kiss dont you think?

StrongEnough · 12-16-2008, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

Ya in the time that this had happend we were both fighting EVERY SINGLE DAY everyday we couldnt get along. We loved each other but when is that enough? I didnt treat him like that man I should have been treating him flirted with friends of his not flirted but payed more attention and was more attentive with them then him and he felt I was always putting him down or he wasnt good enouph to do things right so I think that I made him feel like crap.I am sure that he felt good someone hit on him. But I dont think that he wanted her? cause if he did he would have taken her up on that third kiss dont you think?

I do agree with you. What where you fighting about every day? Are you still fighting? Do you think this is a problem that is going to repeat itself? Have you considered counseling. Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get some background.

swedish · 12-16-2008, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

I didnt treat him like that man I should have been treating him flirted with friends of his not flirted but payed more attention and was more attentive with them then him and he felt I was always putting him down or he wasnt good enouph to do things right so I think that I made him feel like crap.I am sure that he felt good someone hit on him.

At the very least, I would say he probably felt pretty bad being treated this way by his wife & she set the perfect stage for him to be tempted. Although wrong, he probably wanted to test the waters in his mind to see if/what his feelings were for you/her at that time. She gave him attention he wasn't getting from you and her advances were probably confusing and unexpected from his standpoint.

At this point, I would put that behind you (and btw I don't need friends like that!) and focus on making sure he feels loved and appreciated. If the two of you are close, connected and happy what was going through his mind back then will become less of an issue for you (believe me, I've been there so I know how those thoughts can get your mind spinning)

sunflower · 12-16-2008, 04:09 PM

NO dont be sorry you are helpful everytime I tell this story its like I am a idiot for staying he is a player he wanted her on and on it breaks my heart. But anyways we were fighting seriuosly everyday I think cause he never got over me playing that stupid drunken game with them. But now no we are not fighting at all after that he wanted to be all about the family and we started to change I didnt know till like two months ago what was up but looking back I never once suspected he wanted her not once. I dont think that this will repeat cause it could have she asked him to kiss her again one night and he told her no that was a mistake. And yes we are in counseling its helped alot ALOT but I still feel low alot. cause I feel when you cheat you cheat your entire family and it makes me really sad.

sunflower · 12-16-2008, 04:11 PM

You have been in my situation to? I have been searching for someone in my position forever. I just its hard cause I ask him all the time if he even thought he had feeling and he swears up and down no way he did. He said the first made him feel good for a minute but it wasnt about her it was about us?

swedish · 12-16-2008, 04:27 PM

By in your situation I mean the thoughts that go along with playing it back in your mind and trying to understand it.

Rather than make myself crazy over it, my approach has been to say if you aren't happy here just give me the respect to tell me first and end it before looking somewhere else. I just couldn't live with the constant worry, etc.

swedish · 12-16-2008, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflower

He said the first made him feel good for a minute but it wasnt about her it was about us?

She initiated the first kiss...it probably got him thinking because as you say he was not getting attention from you at the time. I'm pretty sure that's what he's trying to say...he wasn't out looking for it but when it came his way he liked the attention.

sunflower · 12-16-2008, 04:33 PM

Ya I can see that he liked that he told me it was like someone hit on him and he was like hey see I am not that bad. And then me being like whatever and him getting mad at something or me getting mad at something then it exploded everytime. But still I have a hard time believing he had NO feeling at all. He tell me puts it on my life our kids everything it wasnt about her at all.