Hi everyone! New here. SO here goes, My husband has a group of friends he has had since before I knew him. When I started dating him, I was okay with his friends, but just OK. Cause they were pretty mean about girls, making fun of them, gossiped allot about each other, drank and partied EVERY night. Not kidding. I dealt with them, then we got married. I started not being happy when my husband went out with them, since they were going out with girl after girl, drinking it up...you know bachelor stuff. I felt uncomfortable about him hanging with them.
We have been married 6 years now....and everything is the same with his friends. None are married....and they go out...drink...pot....unemployment...etc...
My husband is a manager at a firm, we have a daughter, we are doing well financially. We have small arguments here and there of course, but everytime the topic comes up about him and hanging out with those friends....WE FIGHT. Really FIGHT. He cant stand that I am judgmental of them. That I dont know them....he defends them to the death. I don't like that his friends make us fight.
What should I do? My husband won't even talk to me right now. It is so bad, that he left tonight. Why do I feel like the bad person in this whole thing? Am I really that horrible for thinking this way? Please tell me whatever you think....not what I want to hear.
My H's unmarried wild friends don't talk to him anymore very much.
It was made clear to my H by an older male family member when he got married that he needed to stop hanging out with them, "never give your wife a reason to suspect your behavior".
The one that still comes around... is more MY friend than his.
We even talk and joke about dating, I'm always "looking" for a good match for him.
Maybe make an effort to make some new friends, couples in particular.
He does have one friend that has two small children and leaves his wife home with the kids to go to the bar after work at least 3 nights a week. His marriage sucks. His wife hates it. They fight about it all the time. It's not normal to do this, and if it bothers you, your husband should STOP, or better yet, STOP drinking. You will be amazed how fast those friends will disappear if you only want to do things outside of a bar.
For the wives, don't take things to the other extreme, that is to say, don't ban him his friends. Yes sure you should vet his friends as he needs to vet yours. Be open to the possibility that some friend(s) may be good guy(s). One big reason my ex is my ex is she wouldn't even allow the good friends in my life.
If you find all his friends to be unacceptable, you have to encourage him to find friendships with better men. However that is much easier said than done for most men, must keep that in mind.
I think sometimes it's not the friends.. but rather what they do when they are together.
Either spouse probably has no issues with going out with friends to a movie or sporting event. But when you say you are going out to a bar full of single people and going to get drunk and be silly and hang out with someone who is only there to try and pick up a chick ... defenses get up.
More along the lines that once married it is time to stop putting yourself in the singles scene. There must be lots of other things to do in life?
I guess I would want to know how these friends are negatively impacting your husband's behavior. If he is a good husband, is faithful, spends a good amount of time with you and your daughter and is not getting into trouble, I am not sure you have any grounds to demand he drop his friends.
You married him knowing who his friends are. Maybe the smart thing to do is embrace them, get to know them, and make them a bigger part of your family. You might show them that family life is something to aspire to, not something to avoid.
Men need to have outlets just like women do. As long as your husband is putting your marriage first and not engaging in inappropriate behavior, maybe you could shock him and tell him that you trust him, that you love him, and you want him to have fun with his friends!