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Please give advice

2K views 19 replies 15 participants last post by  lovemark 
#1 ·
My husband and I typically celebrate our anniversary and last week was our 8th anniversary. He posted a nice message on facebook however that was it. I don't want to sound petty because I'm truly not like that. Typically we give each other little things that are meaningful and have dinner after the kids are in bed. He didn't even get me a card. I gave him his gift from me and he said thank you. Didn't mention our anniversary or anything. He went to bed a little later. I didn't say anything because I wanted to process everything. The next day I told him about how I felt etc. It took him a couple days then he said he was sorry, he probably should have gotten me something and really blew off the conversation.

I was pretty upset and I still am. Now this weekend we are supposed to travel to a family reunion for his family. I just don't want to go. Why would I? So now I am torn - why should I go on a trip with someone who clearly doesn't think much of me or our marriage? Oh and I should add that he is the type of guy that sends EVERYONE in his contact list an anniversary card...

I just don't think I can travel being so angry at him.
 
#4 ·
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#5 · (Edited)
I would sit him down sometime when you have time away from the kids, and talk to him about what happened. If he tries to blow off the conversation again, then ask why he is avoiding the discussion, if something is wrong, if he's unhappy with you for some reason, etc.

ETA: As far as whether you should go to the reunion, why shouldn't you go? He's your husband, repaying evil with evil isn't love. You don't know why he did it, if something is seriously wrong, or anything else yet. Consider leaving the kids at home if you are able, and the drive will give you guys time to talk.
 
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#6 ·
Yes this does need much more discussion. He really did nothing for your anniversary. I would think he forgot and was embarrassed, but you said he posted on FB a nice message. I don't get this thing with husband and wives posting to each other on FB. You are there together, TALK to each other, say those nice things in person. When you post it on FB then you are just putting on a show for your friends. He wants the world ( or his friends list) to think he is a loving husband, but hey what about some real face to face love?
 
#7 ·
Yes this does need much more discussion. He really did nothing for your anniversary. I would think he forgot and was embarrassed, but you said he posted on FB a nice message. I don't get this thing with husband and wives posting to each other on FB. You are there together, TALK to each other, say those nice things in person. When you post it on FB then you are just putting on a show for your friends. He wants the world ( or his friends list) to think he is a loving husband, but hey what about some real face to face love?
OMG...This! I had to tell my H to stop with that nonsense as it looks like he is trying to save face and show everyone else what a wonderful husband he is....... I told him it would just confuse people when? If? we divorce..... :\
 
#8 ·
It's humorous when people post long dedications to their little children on FB...."John Boy, you are the most loving child a mother could ever ask for. From the time I first held you.... I love you to the moon and back and I'm proud to be your mother...." Yeah, let me know when your 5 year old logs on and reads that. Until then, nice cry for attention.
 
#13 ·
You know I just don't understand gifts. Gift giving is not my love language. I'm not an observer of days. But I did buy a birthday present. and a Christmas present, and arrange a big date for anniversary. I observed Valentines when my heart wasn't in it. I got something for Mothers Day. It isn't that hard if it makes someone happy.

Heck just this weekend I ordered my Fathers day present (ironic ain't it)
 
#17 ·
He didn't even get me a card.

I was pretty upset and I still am. - why should I go on a trip with someone who clearly doesn't think much of me or our marriage?

Oh and I should add that he is the type of guy that sends EVERYONE in his contact list an anniversary card...

I just don't think I can travel being so angry at him.
He did this consciously. No accident here.

He has observed your Anniversary seven times already. Not this one. What has changed in the last year?

You see only HIS ACTIONS. He did not do this in a vacuum. What bad behavior do you own?

It may be all on him...but why now. Something has changed.

You may be overtly or subconsciously sending him the message that he is sub-standard, not worthy. He is detaching in response. The marriage is over for him.

-OR-

He may be having an affair and is back-handedly angering you... letting you push him out, and rightfully so. If you get fed up with him, a separation and divorce will go easier. Is that his goal?

Put your detective hat on. Keep your mouth and intentions to yourself.
 
#18 · (Edited)
If I were you I wouldn't go. You need to set boundaries for yourself, and you need to set a line to show him how you need to be treated and don't tolerate anything less. My husband has done things that I don't think are ways a man should treat his wife, so i told him that im not going to be "that type of wife" (one that cooks and cleans and does all his laundry) if he isn't going to be "that type of husband" (caring, kind, and attentive).

I'm sorry your going through this. Always give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he's going through something or depressed. But at the same time respect yourself and set boundaries. There is a saying that I kinda hate... You teach people how to treat you. Like another poster said... You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. You can't force him to treat you like a princess. All you can do is talk to him, set boundaries and see what happens. It's all up to what you are willing to tolerate.
 
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