wife_2006

First of all sorry, if my English is not good. Its not my first language.
We have been married for 6 years now and I am 28. 1st year we were living in two different countries as we both were students. I joined my husband exactly on our wedding anniversary. Days were beautiful in the beginning, though we had fights then and there on silly things. We lived together 2 years like that, and I found my husband drifting slowly from me, such as not showing enough interest to make any love to me. I thought its because both of us are working and been busy. Meanwhile I got offer to do further studies in a close by city, which is around 3 hours drive by car. I wasn’t willing to take up the offer, but my husband seemed happiest and it was him who wanted me to get my PhD. He promised me that sooner he will find a job there, where I study and will join me. He also promised me that he will come and visit me every week, as I don’t drive. But like all other promises, his promises just remained as “promise”. In the new place I really went lonely. We hardly spoke 1or 2 minutes over the phn and he got busy on his sports during weekends and didn’t have any time for me. I used to find time and take a bus and go and visit him every week, but slowly he started complaining that I am spending money unnecessarily by visiting every week. I got hurted deep inside my heart. I slowly understood that my husband has gone so far from me. Even if I am sick, he never took his time to drive 3 hours and visit me.
Now I want to get out of this relationship, but he doesn’t. I feel its all over and he thinks there is nothing wrong. Its been more than 2 years now since we had any sexual life. I am dying inside feeling lonely and depressed. Meanwhile I got depression and now I am under medication. Nothing seems to be bothering my husband and he is more and more inclined towards developing new and new hobbies.
I need someone to love me, someone care for my feelings. Still when I think of divorce, deep inside my heart it hurts..I am so lost, I don’t have any close family and friendsto whom I can share.
What should I do…….

YinPrincess

First of all, your english is really good! Secondly, you are valid in feeling he is taking you for granted and has become lazy in maintaining your relationship. He should be very supportive of your efforts to further your education. You know that you are not happy, but does he know that you feel lonely and unsupported? Try to talk to him about what you are feeling and see how he responds. If he is not willing to compromise then you need to decide what is best for you. You seem like a very intelligent and sincere person who needs and deserves someone who appreciates you! I wish you the best. I hope your husband realizes this as well!
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wife_2006

Thanks a lot Yin..Over this two years, I had sit with him explained him and tried to make him understand how it feels to me. I was very active in my past and now I am depressed and have to push myself to do my daily routines and take medications. he simply ignores even my medical conditions. He thinks I am the only one who is responsible for all these. I requested for him to come with me to a counsellor, and he thinks there is nothing he wants to talk to anyone about this relationship and its all fine as he is not feeling bad. He asks me to concentrate on studies than diverting my mind towards him..How can it be possible for me not to think about him. Nowadays I started feeling so strong that, I need to get out of this relationship and go back to my home country. But he doesnt want me to do that because he thinks he may need to give answers to people. I have tried all possible ways I could, to make things work, but I failed each time. Still I dont understand why do I fear of DIVORCE

YinPrincess

It seems like nothing you will say to him will have an effect. He seems to dismiss your concerns and the only way he will understand how unhappy you truely are, is to take action. As much as communication is important, I would stop trying to make him understand and start working on myself. You need to do what makes you feel better, so maybe spend time making friends and talking to them for support, finding a hobby or interest that makes you happy, and stop calling and visiting him so much. I know it would be difficult, but when you focus more on yourself and less on him, you send him the message that you are important and not dependant on him for your happiness. I know you are lonely, but I think staying in school and educating yourself is very important. Try to finish it up before you go home to your family, and if, after all this, he still can't give you the love and attention you need, tell him you are thinking of a divorce. Don't let him make you feel guilty because he's worried what everyone else will...
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YinPrincess

..think... He obviously doesn't care about what you think or how you feel. I know it's hard but stand up for yourself, girl!!! I hope things work out and he comes to realize how important you are, but if he doesn't it's HIS LOSS, not yours!
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DesperateHouseWife

what ever happen?