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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 03:07 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy husband choosing friends over me

Hi ladies,

mine is a love marriage and i knew my hubby from past 11 years and i am married for 4 years.

we both are college mates and we knew and fallen in love from then, my hubby has chaged a lot after that like he became a better person and he always say that its because of our love. I choosed him when he was nothing and i dint know what the future would be ,i am not mentioning this with pride or to lower him but for my todays situation and suggession its required.

i have spent most of the thin days,after 3 years of education and 1 year of working (we were in same country and place where we used to meet) to settle soon he went abroad on job and still we had the same bonding . we both used to share each and everything and decide something only after discussion.

we never used to hide our mobiles , we both were open to each other as our relationship was transparent.

we got marrried on 2012 we stayed together in same country for an year then he moved to new country for carrer growth and promised to take me along soon.

and it really took 1 year , in that particular duration his behaviour gradually started changing.he usually used to say he has got good friends,but i used to always force him to speak on phone with me where earlier morning first call he used to make for me where ever he is.

he had become close to a family of 3 members husband wife and a small kid.

they regularly invited him and i never new when i was away . i only new they are friends.

one he returned to home country , he again used to be only online chat with them. he was only thinking of them . and ones i took his mobile and saw the lady whatap message with short dress.when i questioned he said she had sent by mistake.

after that he never allow me to touch his mobile till now.even after me coming here with him,he only prioritised them and whenever i questioned he said they supported him in my absence. but when my life started revolving only through the lady decision i started opposiing.

not i have told my huuby i dont like the way he is prioritising them, but still he insists the same and do that.for somedays he keep quite and again.

that lady calls him when i am not there and if she gets to know i am there they manage.

my husband tells a lot of lies to me for them. many a times we have fought and compromised him telling i dint know it would hurt you and i dont do again.

but still continues, recently she likes to have something he will se to that he buys that or he makes me to prepare that without my knowledge that he says he would like to have. and then he dont have it in front of me and hwen i am back home it wont be there.

she knows each and everything happening with us.

i could get a good job and as she is having kid she is not working and not able to get job. he see to that i wont discuss on my job improvements where she get hurts.

he will see to that none of my talents exhibited in front of them so that she gets hurt.

when we go on vacation ,he force me to buy dress for her and she buys for him when she goes. if i question him he says she bought so i will also.

but same time no priority for my shopping.

untill and unless these people came in my life never he was back of a gal. thats why i never realised that this friending would effect me so badly.

i am very much hurt with his behaviour .very much confused/.i have spent these many years only for him,he was my priority .i am away from friends and today i am feeling very lonely. my dreams are crushed.

last week we sorted out and decided to start a fresh we were planning for a baby. but when again repeated and he prioritised her i am not even feeling to sleep or speak to him.

dont know what i should do.

if i raise the topic he simply says like, your creating issues because you hate them. nothing there to create issues on this .

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 01:00 PM
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I have been married to a man for 32 years and he places his friends before me and our family. He is pointing fingers back at you so you will not notice what he is doing.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 02:49 AM
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Re: husband choosing friends over me

Even though this family is his friends, I feel like this woman who is stay at home mom with her child, is toying with your husband. If she sent him a revealing photograph of herself...then they are having a little more than friendship. To me, it should be that if your husband is friends with this family, he should be closer to the husband because they are of the same sex.

I dont like the sound that you buy this female friend outfits when her very own husband can purchase her outfits and accessories online. I think your husband is unclear on his priorities and his priority should be you as his wife.

Your husband would not be happy if you were chatting and always talking to the husband of this family. Your husband would then accuse you of developing a more special and deeper relationship instead of only friendship.

I encourage my husband to have male friends, which he has and also some female friends, but I have seen that he is not much interested as he likes to focus on his hobbies and things he likes to do.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 04:06 AM
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Re: husband choosing friends over me

Quote:
Originally Posted by deemonisha View Post
Hi ladies,

mine is a love marriage and i knew my hubby from past 11 years and i am married for 4 years.

we both are college mates and we knew and fallen in love from then, my hubby has chaged a lot after that like he became a better person and he always say that its because of our love. I choosed him when he was nothing and i dint know what the future would be ,i am not mentioning this with pride or to lower him but for my todays situation and suggession its required.

i have spent most of the thin days,after 3 years of education and 1 year of working (we were in same country and place where we used to meet) to settle soon he went abroad on job and still we had the same bonding . we both used to share each and everything and decide something only after discussion.

we never used to hide our mobiles , we both were open to each other as our relationship was transparent.

we got marrried on 2012 we stayed together in same country for an year then he moved to new country for carrer growth and promised to take me along soon.

and it really took 1 year , in that particular duration his behaviour gradually started changing.he usually used to say he has got good friends,but i used to always force him to speak on phone with me where earlier morning first call he used to make for me where ever he is.

he had become close to a family of 3 members husband wife and a small kid.

they regularly invited him and i never new when i was away . i only new they are friends.

one he returned to home country , he again used to be only online chat with them. he was only thinking of them . and ones i took his mobile and saw the lady whatap message with short dress.when i questioned he said she had sent by mistake.

after that he never allow me to touch his mobile till now.even after me coming here with him,he only prioritised them and whenever i questioned he said they supported him in my absence. but when my life started revolving only through the lady decision i started opposiing.

not i have told my huuby i dont like the way he is prioritising them, but still he insists the same and do that.for somedays he keep quite and again.

that lady calls him when i am not there and if she gets to know i am there they manage.

my husband tells a lot of lies to me for them. many a times we have fought and compromised him telling i dint know it would hurt you and i dont do again.

but still continues, recently she likes to have something he will se to that he buys that or he makes me to prepare that without my knowledge that he says he would like to have. and then he dont have it in front of me and hwen i am back home it wont be there.

she knows each and everything happening with us.

i could get a good job and as she is having kid she is not working and not able to get job. he see to that i wont discuss on my job improvements where she get hurts.

he will see to that none of my talents exhibited in front of them so that she gets hurt.

when we go on vacation ,he force me to buy dress for her and she buys for him when she goes. if i question him he says she bought so i will also.

but same time no priority for my shopping.

untill and unless these people came in my life never he was back of a gal. thats why i never realised that this friending would effect me so badly.

i am very much hurt with his behaviour .very much confused/.i have spent these many years only for him,he was my priority .i am away from friends and today i am feeling very lonely. my dreams are crushed.

last week we sorted out and decided to start a fresh we were planning for a baby. but when again repeated and he prioritised her i am not even feeling to sleep or speak to him.

dont know what i should do.

if i raise the topic he simply says like, your creating issues because you hate them. nothing there to create issues on this .
You title is misleading. He is not prioritising this family as a whole (the man, woman and child), he is only prioritising the woman in the family. Surely her husband would not want this carry on? Have you contacted the H to see if he knows about this closeness and gifts, etc? You should.

I suspect they are having an affair probably emotional but could eventually be physical.
You say you have a love marriage which suggests you are from a culture of arranged marriages. Is this other couple in an arranged marriage?

You have to tell him you will not live in a marriage where another woman is prioritised.
Start doing the 180 on him, no contact, no messages, get on with your life, your work, etc.
Get yourself some IC to deal with your emotions.
The main problem is the long distance between you, why has this not been resolved, why are you not living in the same country? Marriage is difficult enough without this scenario. You need to discuss these issues with your H.
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