Desperate for advice
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-31-2011, 09:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 10
Unhappy Desperate for advice

My husband and I have been together 4 years and going on three years of marriage. Most of our relationship I have been very submissive and never stood up for myself. When he would yell at me for whatever I have always just given in regardless of the situation and who was truly right. By yelling at me I mean cussing at me for asking him to take out the trash or telling me to f off because I didn't say what he wanted to hear. One night we were taking a walk and I brought up when and if we were going to move what our plans were. Because I did not agree with his plan right away he got defensive and told me to f off and all kinds of other things. I am plain fed up with me talked down to. And to make matters worse he thinks all he needs to do is say sorry for his behavior and everything should be fine and forgotten. It has been 5 months since our first child was born. She has made me become a better person as well as stronger and want to stick up for myself. I do not like fighting in front of her nor do I want her to grow up seeing me talked down to and think that is the best she can get in a man for herself someday. This being said I am really starting to lose that loving feeling for my husband and I am scared what this will do to us and our new daughter. Lately I find myself not wanting to respond when he tells me he loves me, but thinking inside my head that if I do not it will just become another fight that I am not willing to deal with or have the strength for. I also have found myself thinking how much happier and healthier I would be if I just walked out and never looked back. I have never had these feelings before and they scare me to death. At this point I cannot just walk out because I have a baby to think about in all this, but I am unsure what to do. I do know that I cannot take another day being treated like dirt between his toes. Has anyone ever been in this type of situation? What did you do? Should I consider counseling for both of us or just work on myself? Please help!
TexasWife is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-31-2011, 10:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
katy929's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 21
Default Re: Desperate for advice

That sounds like it is rough to be in your shoes. I would not be able to take that honestly. I would not say walk out and never look back because you want him to have a chance to be a father but, on the other hand you do not want your daughter growing up thinking it is okay to speak to someone like that or treat someone like that.

Do you think he would ever consider counceling without putting you down or saying f off. He sounds really immature. I am a no bs type of person but, dang that would just wear on me emotionally.

I do not think you need to work on youself honestly. I think you need to work on your relationship, the both of you. A person can only take so much before they go insane and how you are describing him would drive me absolutely insane.

I think you should atleast give it a try. Now how he will react to counceling is another thing. If he is not willing to work on the issue then I would be thinking that it would be best for my child if the parents were separate.

I grew up in a household with two parents who were very outspoken and fought so much. I was so happy as a child to have them divorce honestly. It gave me some peace instead of having to listen to them argue all the time. Even now as an adult, I still remember how I felt as a child when my parents argued and it did a number on me.
katy929 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-01-2011, 07:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 10
Default

First, I want to say thank you for responding so quickly. Second, everything you said really hit home to me and put it into perspective. I never want my daughter to grow up in a negative household or have to feel the pain I do. I would definitely like to try counseling because I do not want to just give up without being able to say I did everything I could to save our marriage. I guess my issue now is figuring out how to approach him and ask him to do couples counseling. I just don't want it to become another fight. Is an ultimatum the way to go to show him I mean business or do I approach him softly and tell him I'd like to go to counseling together? I never in a million years thought my marriage would come to this!
Posted via Mobile Device
TexasWife is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-01-2011, 09:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
AppleDucklings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: overlooking Iowa
Posts: 1,405
Default Re: Desperate for advice

my ex husband would treat me this way. He was a total jackhole but expected me to apologize to him for his behavior. He was also a cheater. Your husband will probably never change. Look up narcissism and narcisstic behaviors and see if any of that matches up with your husband.
__________________
"said woman, take it slow, it'll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience."-Gun N Roses
AppleDucklings is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-01-2011, 07:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 10
Default

So I brought up marriage counseling today. I had even already made the appointment with a counselor and set up child care for our daughter. Basically he automatically got defensive and started yelling about how we don't need counseling and how couples fight all the time and sorry should be enough. I disagreed with him and tried to prove my points. He had no valid argument against anything I said, but continued to be defensive and tell me he wasn't going to counseling because we don't need it. None of this makes any sense to me. How can he be happy in this relationship, want to stay together, see nothing wrong with this and not want to fix it? I am just baffled.
Posted via Mobile Device
TexasWife is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-01-2011, 07:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 247
Default Re: Desperate for advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasWife View Post
So I brought up marriage counseling today. I had even already made the appointment with a counselor and set up child care for our daughter. Basically he automatically got defensive and started yelling about how we don't need counseling and how couples fight all the time and sorry should be enough. I disagreed with him and tried to prove my points. He had no valid argument against anything I said, but continued to be defensive and tell me he wasn't going to counseling because we don't need it. None of this makes any sense to me. How can he be happy in this relationship, want to stay together, see nothing wrong with this and not want to fix it? I am just baffled.
Posted via Mobile Device
You KNOW the relationship isn't working. Don't let him tell you it is normal. I brought up counselling 14 years ago. My husband agreed to start counselling only last year when I told him he could leave or we could get counselling. It has been hell trying to fix this marriage. I fully believe if we had gotten help when I wanted to it would have been much easier. Please stand your ground. He is being abusive.
LimboGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-01-2011, 08:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
katy929's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 21
Default Re: Desperate for advice

He does not want to fix it because he is not the one being mistreated..lol..but, I give you credit for atleast mentioning. Great job. I know it took balls. No one deserves to be treated like that. I would tell him if he is not willing to go to counceling he needs to hit the road.

And, when it comes to your daughter look at it this way..if your daughter was being treated this way what would you tell her to do?
katy929 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Desperate for Advice right now myelw316 General Relationship Discussion 16 12-08-2011 01:36 PM
In desperate need of advice here!! momof6wi General Relationship Discussion 5 12-22-2010 01:27 PM
Desperate for Advice krazyconfused General Relationship Discussion 4 10-04-2009 10:21 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:25 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage