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post #91 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 09:07 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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So the problem I have is this:

I get a little gas when I see others judging someone's personal tastes that harshly. She's not wearing crotchless panties (assuming she has any on at all!) while uncrossing her legs. There's no cutouts on the front for nipple clamps. No abortion pictures, political slogans, or animal blood splashed across the front.

If she came to the wedding dressed like that, acted respectfully to the bride and groom, didn't get drunk and loud, and didn't bang the best man in the confessional, then I'd say the people with the respect problem would be the ones who tossed her out, not the one (gasp!) wearing that dress.

What is so mind-numbingly important about the clothes on one's back that make you want to eject them from a wedding? That's what I don't (and probably never will) understand. I'm reminded of Joe Pesci in "My Cousin Vinny".

Then again, I would never patronize a restaurant that wanted to rent me a jacket before sitting down either. I'm way more interested in the person than in what they choose to wrap themselves.
Right. I disagree.

There are often cultural, religious, or institutional norms involved. You are saying that if you don't respect the norm which is essentially the shared values of the group, then it's their problem. That's backwards.

If you feel that you can't respect a norm, then don't disrespect everyone who does by violating it. In your restaurant example, don't go there. In the case of the wedding, don't go there.

I'm sure there are people who don't understand what's appropriate and what isn't. Maybe they should be allowances made in those situations. But when you do understand and decide to be inappropriate anyway that's just self-entitled behavior.

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post #92 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 09:28 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

Sorry but anyone going to a wedding should conceder the bride. It is the brides day no one else. She should never have worn that dress if it cast a shadow on the bride doing it.

When my wife and I got married we had a problem with one of the guest. The difference being the girl worn a antique white dress that could have passed for a wedding dress. The solution, I kept my eyes on my beautiful bride and when we were greeting people I skipped her hand and eye contact and went to the next person in line. Then when she past I gave my WIFE now a hug and kiss and simple said I love you. I can still picture the joy and love in my wife's eyes from that day. We talked about it a week or so later, found out then how mad and upset she really was. Also how happy she was with how I handled it.
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post #93 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 09:48 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

If this story is true - and it seems unlikely - then the dress was definitely inappropriate. If the woman was in fact slapped on the ass by others or had beer poured down her arm (Who does this? Was it a frat party or a wedding?), then she needs new friends. Bullying is never okay. However, acting like an attention seeker will get you attention, just maybe not the kind you were hoping for.

Weddings are for the bride and groom to show off, not for the guests to attempt to one up them.
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post #94 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 10:14 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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You seem ok with judging personal tastes if that happens to be showing off beaver or carrying political protest signs. So is your objection simply where the lines are drawn?
No, let's be clear. I would under no circumstances consider it my duty or right to eject someone from a wedding for her dress. However, there are actual laws against nudity in public, so a dress that crossed an actual legal line is more problematic.
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post #95 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 10:50 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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No, let's be clear. I would under no circumstances consider it my duty or right to eject someone from a wedding for her dress. However, there are actual laws against nudity in public, so a dress that crossed an actual legal line is more problematic.
There are things that don't break the law that are still inappropriate for some occasions.

There are many people on this site that agree it's not appropriate for a wedding. You seem to not understand that viewpoint at all. I'm sure it's a cultural difference.

Is the concept of there being different cultural norms for how one dresses to show respect at certain events something you have never been exposed to or heard of? I'm with the other poster who wrote that if someone can't respect the norm, they shouldn't disrespect it by violating everyone else and thinking it's their problem if they don't like it, but I guess one has to be aware that certain norms exist in order to accommodate them.

I'm just asking because I'm just curious about what you are accustomed to.

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post #96 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 10:58 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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There are things that don't break the law that are still inappropriate for some occasions.

There are many people on this site that agree it's not appropriate for a wedding. You seem to not understand that viewpoint at all. I'm sure it's a cultural difference.
No, I understand it completely. I don't agree in this case and this particular dress, but I have no issue with the notion of considering someone's dress inappropriate for an event.

Where I really differ with folks here is in the forcible execution of my prejudices on another - as in, I have the right, nay, the obligation, to remove you from my sight and the event if I consider you to have broken my notion of a social norm. Or, short of that, to subject you to public ridicule.

We're talking about clothing here, not puppy killing. Appropriate response for the offense and all that.
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post #97 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 12:22 PM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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Sorry but anyone going to a wedding should conceder the bride. It is the brides day no one else. She should never have worn that dress if it cast a shadow on the bride doing it.

When my wife and I got married we had a problem with one of the guest. The difference being the girl worn a antique white dress that could have passed for a wedding dress. The solution, I kept my eyes on my beautiful bride and when we were greeting people I skipped her hand and eye contact and went to the next person in line. Then when she past I gave my WIFE now a hug and kiss and simple said I love you. I can still picture the joy and love in my wife's eyes from that day. We talked about it a week or so later, found out then how mad and upset she really was. Also how happy she was with how I handled it.
What's the history of this woman? do you have any idea why she did it? Did you or your wife invite her? Or was she someone's spouse?
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post #98 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 01:59 PM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

30 years from now- "I went naked to a baptism, I don't know why people were bulling me! #DunkInTheTrunk" :P
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post #99 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 04:59 PM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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No, I understand it completely. I don't agree in this case and this particular dress, but I have no issue with the notion of considering someone's dress inappropriate for an event.

Where I really differ with folks here is in the forcible execution of my prejudices on another - as in, I have the right, nay, the obligation, to remove you from my sight and the event if I consider you to have broken my notion of a social norm. Or, short of that, to subject you to public ridicule.

We're talking about clothing here, not puppy killing. Appropriate response for the offense and all that.
Fair enough. In general, I think the dress was not appropriate as i have stated in previous posts, but then again, I'm visualizing weddings that I have attended. I'll have to agree that I don't agree with the physical bullying of slapping her butt and spilling drinks on her. Who knows the whole story here and what kind of crowd this was. It sounds like they were a bunch of crazies.

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post #100 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 05:52 PM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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What's the history of this woman? do you have any idea why she did it? Did you or your wife invite her? Or was she someone's spouse?
Long story, short version. Lose lose for everyone involved. My first gf ended up being my step sister a year or so later. Did not go well, we were both to young to handle the situation we were put into. She ended up moving out and went to live with her dad. Well anyway, neither my wife or myself had seen her for three years. My dad asked us to invite her and we didn't see any harm in it. Well, no real harm done, my wife as always was bright and beautiful and there was some talk about it.
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post #101 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-08-2016, 06:57 PM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

Although I don't like that dress because I think the colours and criss-cross pattern doesn't work well aesthetically, I really don't see how the cut of that dress is inappropriate.
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post #102 of 103 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 03:22 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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Long story, short version. Lose lose for everyone involved. My first gf ended up being my step sister a year or so later. Did not go well, we were both to young to handle the situation we were put into. She ended up moving out and went to live with her dad. Well anyway, neither my wife or myself had seen her for three years. My dad asked us to invite her and we didn't see any harm in it. Well, no real harm done, my wife as always was bright and beautiful and there was some talk about it.
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I see, she was on a mission. You and wife's manoeuvre is going to affect her more profoundly that any words you might have shared with her. Good on you.
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post #103 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 02:30 AM
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Re: Appropriate Dress To A Wedding And Bullying

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Fair enough. In general, I think the dress was not appropriate as i have stated in previous posts, but then again, I'm visualizing weddings that I have attended. I'll have to agree that I don't agree with the physical bullying of slapping her butt and spilling drinks on her. Who knows the whole story here and what kind of crowd this was. It sounds like they were a bunch of crazies.
Or she's a crazy and made it up to get even more attention...

I think she's actually kind of sad. She is in great shape but she looks desperate in that outfit. She could have totally shown off her hard body equally well in something classy that did not make her look so starved for attention.
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