I have been dating my girlfriend for over 6 years. Things have been fairly well for the first 4 years. We talked about marriage and she even asked me to marry her. We went on an endless engagement and I ended it by calling it off, its not fair to be engaged to someone with no wedding date to speak of (my opinion) she never wanted to plan anything. Then her dad got real sick and passed away. She spiraled down into depression, shutting everyone out of her life. I have stood by her side for the past 2 years trying to hold her, comfort her, motivate her, try to keep her positive, take her places, buy her things etc….Over the past few years it became very difficult to continue giving 90% effort, when she could barely give 10%. I just decided that with 6 years invested into her and the love I had for her, maybe this was my purpose in life. Basically, to take care of and constantly tend to her needs while setting my own needs and wants aside as if they were unimportant and that what she was dealing with, she could not overcome on her own.
She has clinical depression, and refuses to seek help or counseling, she has tried some medicine in the past and it has made her sick. She says she gets so frustrated when she gets her hopes up and nothing seems to work: Here are the signs of Clinical Depression: She has every single symptom
difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
fatigue and decreased energy
feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
overeating or appetite loss
persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
With her lack of effort, I have felt very used and walked on. My emotions get very hurt when I continue to give her love, support etc. and get nothing back. Some of her other qualities that I don’t agree with is her lack of communication skills (I think this is very important) and her lack of energy, motivation, positive attitude etc. Ever since her dad passed away, she has been unemployed – she has told herself with everything going on, she could not keep a job anyway. Here are other issues that she deals with:
Constant migraines, fibromyalgia, Pluracy on her lungs, anxiety, unruly children, back pain and most important a major lack of spiritual faith . She is a loner, very hard headed, doesn’t ask for help and lately I have been feeling she doesn’t even need me or anyone else in her life.
I am completely lost and confused, she recently has shut down again, this time it has already been a week and I haven’t seen or heard from her. I have always ran over to her house 20 miles away to check on her to see how she was doing and if she was ok. But I am beginning to lose trust in her, that she will even be there when times get tough. All her signs indicate to me is that she is a quitter and would rather run away than to stay and work through issues.
I do not want to continue going over to her house put my heart and emotions on the line when I get nothing back from her. I don’t know what to do, I love her very much and am torn between my gut and my heart. My heart says quit being selfish and take yourself out of the equation, put your own feelings aside and go comfort her. This may be your station in life…….then my gut kicks in and says, if she is not going to put any effort in you have got to take care of yourself. There is plenty of women out there who would love to meet you. She will need to find the strength to overcome on her own and it doesn’t matter what you say or what you do…..any change in her circumstance will have to come from her.
Ok, that’s my story in a nutshell. I tried to be as clear as possible, but I need some advice on what to do. I have not called her, nor texted her, nor ran to her house – I don’t want to open myself up again unless I know there may be hope. I even bought her an engagement ring. It seems that I have done everything I can in this situation, but the one thing I cannot control is her. Do I stay or do I leave? Please Help!
Lonely and Confused
P.S. Any comments are very much welcomed. Anybody who can relate to my situation and shed some light would be great and I would love to go into this in more detail from female perspective. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org