SimplyAmorous said:
Here is a question I have.. should we be ashamed of sharing openly here ?? I think some may feel so...
This is a good question. I have been VERY open in some of my posts. But I'm VERY open with my closest friends and should they find me here, they wouldn't be learning anything new. They know my issues, my struggles, and my love of sex. They know I'm kinky and mostly crazy.
Who knew? That's the part that I tend to second guess as I write a post. I ask myself if this would be news to my husband, does he already know this/should know this by now? If my answer is yes I post it.
Sometimes the written word offers more clarity than the spoken word. Once I gave my husband all my info wrt TAM and invited him to join and participate, he was surprised to say the least. He was most taken by just how open I was here. When we discussed my level of openness, he admitted he hadn't *really* learned anything new but it felt new because by virtue of reading my words, he was paying attention to my words. And I hope he reads this too!
Having been married for 30 years we have agreed that our current marriage is version 3.1. The first 1/3 was parenting and home building. The second 1/3 was distance and disconnect. This final 1/3 is undoing the damage the first 2/3's caused.
We're doing pretty well all in all. But I keep having difficulty with resentment. I have never been one to hold a grudge and tend to forgive pretty easily. It takes too much energy to be mad. Dealing with resentment is, I think, a slightly different beast than grudge holding, but it is similar to grudge holding.
I think grudge holding is when forgiveness isn't given even though it's been asked for. I think resentment is when forgiveness isn't asked for and the treatment that caused the resentment hasn't been fully acknowledged.
Repent and sin no more...
Resentment is when forgiveness is expected as acknowledgment of 'sins no longer being committed.' But the first part, the 'repent' part is absent.
I get triggered sometimes and it takes me to a negative place for up to several days. I know this is my responsibility. However, I still feel like if he would acknowledge some things, if he would acknowledge the pain and disappointment he caused, maybe the resentment would stop flaring up.